just wondering

pseudo_momFebruary 17, 2010

How do we report a message we find argumentative or disruptive????

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I think most of the discussions here vear into the arguementative. IMHO.

    Bookmark   February 17, 2010 at 12:41PM
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I think "argumentative" is kind of in the nature of forums & discussions, & I don't know how "disruptive" would be defined.

If you think someone has broken gardenweb rules against, say, spamming or namecalling or profanity, you can email gardenweb.

    Bookmark   February 17, 2010 at 1:39PM
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Maybe telling someone the truth, as hard as it is for them to hear, might be reported as 'disruptive'... at least that's been MY experience.

    Bookmark   February 17, 2010 at 3:32PM
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pseudo_mom, to answer your question on how to, there is a link at the very bottom of this forum front page 'letters/comments' which enables one to write to staff their concerns.

As to what 'we'(you and/or I) find agrumentative and what someone else might could well enough be left up to the forum staff to 'judge' what crosses the line so to say. As in according to #8 of the user agreement terms:

8. Any posting our staff feels is unduly agrumentive will be deleted.

In other words, it's not our 'call' to make to decide what is 'unduly' and what may be healthy debate and/or differences in opinions, but if you feel something is out of line/overboard, you have the option to report a possible violation for the forum staff to review.

    Bookmark   February 17, 2010 at 4:28PM
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Quite frankly, it is rather childish to 'tattle' because someone says something that I think is out of line or overboard. I mean, we are all adults... right? If I am at the bank and someone in line next to me says something I don't like or don't agree with or even find offensive, am I to run get the security guard and have her thrown out? C'mon!

Perhaps if the person is making racist, vulgar or threatening comments, it should be reported. But what about freedom of speech? Some of my posts have been removed when all I can recall writing (because in their 'friendly reminder', they do not share or tell you what you said that was out of line.) is stating true facts or my opinion, which I thought we are all entitled to do. I guess if the truth hurts, report it and it can be removed.

    Bookmark   February 17, 2010 at 5:24PM
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This is an opinion. Clearly, it wouldn't hurt to tell someone if they seem to be getting overboard. Nicely, I think would be best. I have read a lot on the marriage forum and compared to that the stepfamily forum is very mild. IMHO, I would expect anyone who feels I have stepped over a clearly drawn line to let me know. It is really hard to know what you are doing that offends people if no one tells you what it is. I, for one, know I am opinionated, and though I try not to be spiteful, I do come across strongly. Most of what we read on all of the forums, as far as advice, is opinion so there is bound to be differences.

    Bookmark   February 17, 2010 at 5:57PM
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LOL. Glad to hear I'm not the only one to have gotten 'friendly reminders'.

Since I've popped in, I can't say I have seen anyone being mean just be to mean, especially to a new poster. Yeah, a rock or two gets tossed around in the nature of what usually is a lively debate, but I think it's pretty much expected when one jumps into the middle of it and threads take off into whole lives of their own. I actually think the different opinions is what can make the board helpful. Thoughts, ideas coming from different people in different situations along with the usual 'been there, done that'.

The few times I've been 'reminded' has been when I have been pretty blunt, not deliberately mean or trying to be hurtful, but plain honesty as I see it. I've had to work a bit at being a tad nicer when stating an 'anti' thought, not change my opinion, just make the approach a little different.

Frankly, I think this board has a pretty decent set of posters with a well rounded wealth of information, advice, and suggestions.

    Bookmark   February 17, 2010 at 6:32PM
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most people are too busy with real life things like work, families and other stuff to take internet forums too seriously. on the other hand if someone would make physical threats (maybe locating me in real life)then i would report it. other than that i have a bigger fish to fry, as most people here.

    Bookmark   February 17, 2010 at 6:57PM
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Trying not to be argumentative or disruptive ... my friendly reminder stated I was disruptive I cannot recall the whole post but it is gone without even as a response from anyone ...

I like IMA's tattling analogy .... but then again we are SM's lol we can take just about any form of punishment and still smile in your face :)

    Bookmark   February 17, 2010 at 8:44PM
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now when you said that you are the one, I recall a post/actually a thread that had offensive language towards a particular person in the forum. I doubt anyone replied (what do you reply to it?), but clearly moderators disapproved of it, there was name calling and profanity there as I recall. It was awhile ago though.

    Bookmark   February 17, 2010 at 9:28PM
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you may recall differently than I do .... not sure what post you are talking about either ... but the post I got the friendly reminder on never mentioned anyone by name or said anything vulgar in it ...

had nothing to offend anyone in particular was a general statement ...

So no clue what one you are refering to and I tend to keep my posts about me and my situation I do not shove my opinion down others throats til they see it my way ...

I tend to live in a real stepfamily although again I peek into it more now than I did before :)

I tend to stay out of what does not effect me directly anymore ... its just easier than getting told to go __________ myself :)

but that is my SF experience !

    Bookmark   February 17, 2010 at 9:55PM
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Does anyone have an actual example of something said that was removed? I have posted on other forums, but I don't think that there is much to debate on laundry, cleaning, money saving... You get the idea.

    Bookmark   February 17, 2010 at 9:58PM
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lol can't lol might get a friendly reminder and be banned!!!


email imamommy lol she'll let you know of a place to find out :)

    Bookmark   February 17, 2010 at 10:21PM
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Example only: "Wow, I can't believe somebody is acting as immature as you are".

disclaimer: above statement which would be 'too judgemental' is merely a made up example of what is not allowed to say in the manner it is stated.

    Bookmark   February 17, 2010 at 10:26PM
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I know that I have been very blunt and outspoken, however, I have never received a friendly reminder... This is the first I have ever heard of it.

    Bookmark   February 17, 2010 at 11:42PM
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My guess is you haven't been blunt or outspoken to certain people ... but again just my opinion and a guess.

I know I called thurman another word for thorn starts with a p and rhymes with trick and never got a friendly reminder :)

but I mentioned how ooops can't say

I wondered why it was ok for certain posts to be removed when they were directed at certain members but not at others ....

    Bookmark   February 17, 2010 at 11:51PM
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A post I wrote didn't name anyone, but did say that someone that only has one child and is not really in a stepfamily situation, and believes that stepmoms should have nothing to do with stepkids, maybe they should hide in their rooms when the kids visit or dad should go visit kids outside the home so they don't have to be around the stepmom... well, that isn't verbatim of what I said but it was general description of the attitude someone has based on what THEY write on this forum themselves.

If someone does not like to be described as bitter, they should not write in a way that portrays themselves as bitter. I've been called controlling. I've had criticisms written about what or how i do things... but that is just an opinion, right? I have never complained to administrators when someone has said nasty things to me. If I disagree or think someone's opinion of me is wrong, I will defend myself, but we are all entitled to have an opinion of each other based on what we all write here... it's a public forum and if we were in a town meeting and able to stand up to the mic and say what we think, feel or have an opinion on a subject, would anyone be allowed to throw us out just because they don't agree with what is said? That, in my opinion, should be the standard... what you would get in trouble for saying publicly in that sort of setting, should be the sort of things that you shouldn't be allowed to say here.

Sure, it's up to the board's terms of service and the administrators to remove things, but they don't read every post to make sure the TOS are being followed... they seem to respond when someone complains. In justmetoo's example above, if I complained that someone called me immature... well, I think it WOULD be immature to complain about being called immature and it would only prove the person who called me immature is right.

    Bookmark   February 18, 2010 at 12:22AM
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Thanks for the example. I guess it depends on how it is taken and who does the taking, so to speak.

    Bookmark   February 18, 2010 at 7:48AM
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I've gotten "friendly reminders". One because what I wrote "wouldn't make sense" if it were left after they removed another poster's inflammatory comments. Funny thing is, once they removed my posts and their posts the whole thread didn't make much sense. They should have just deleted the whole thing.

One poster got in trouble for calling someone a female dog. Just like in real life though, the person who is fanning the flames rarely gets blamed for the fire. She-who-shall-remain-nameless got her panties in a wad, reported another poster and got her banned. Said poster is still here, still doing the same things, but doesn't get called on the carpet.

Oh, I remember another one. A poster got pulled for saying something nasty about/to Maddieathome's daughter.

The others I got no explaination for, but whatever. If you can't stand the heat from your "imaginary friends" you probably shouldn't play around on forums.

    Bookmark   February 18, 2010 at 12:59PM
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you ask for an example: using profanity would be an example of something what could cause friendly reminder and removal of the post or thread. like calling someone on the forum a female dog just because you don't like their opinion on something, in fact for any reason profanity is probably a bad idea. most forums would not allow profanity, even highly charged political forums don't allow that, moderators would kick you out if you keep doing it.

    Bookmark   February 18, 2010 at 8:41PM
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there is a big difference between being blunt and outspoken and being inappropriate, some people confuse these terms especially children often do. being blunt in responding to a particular issue is one thing but calling people names is completely different thing and has nothing to do with being outspoken. I think it is immature. I also wonder if moderators check these thread without anyone actually complaining. some forums have active moderators who always check the posts for inappropriate stuff

    Bookmark   February 18, 2010 at 8:55PM
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Calling someone "immature" is not insulting or inappropriate. I've been called way worse and have been insulted less than I would be if I was calling someone "immature".

    Bookmark   February 19, 2010 at 3:21PM
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"My guess is you haven't been blunt or outspoken to certain people..."

I can only assume you are referring, non-too-coyly, about KKNY? If so, KKNY and I have had our differences, albeit somewhat infrequently. I have always felt that if my own mother were to post to a forum such as this, she could very well be KKNY or TOS (for those that have been around for awhile - remember her??!!). And since I absolutely adore my mother and value her opinion irregardless of whether it jives with my own, I was usually able understand their reasoning. HOWEVER, I did participate in a few not-so-pleasant posts going back and forth with them and was NEVER reported... My all time favorite post was mainly between KKNY and a former poster (don't remember her name) in which KKNY said something to the effect of "yeah, and your mother wears army boots..." But somehow KKNY got the phrase wrong and the other poster had to correct it for her!! PRICELESS! Given the fact that she can dish as well as she receives, I doubt she's a "tattler."

    Bookmark   February 19, 2010 at 7:46PM
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There was a thread on another forum where one poster kept agitating another poster, finally saying that she was too lazy to do her job & that, "with your attitude", he doubted that she was effective or successful in her field & shouldn't be allowed to practice her profession.

Evidently someone reported it because that one single post was pulled out of the threads, &, as you say, there were things that didn't make sense afterword.

gardenweb's generally live-&-let-live rules do prohibit personal attacks.


(betcha you thought I forgot I had a point!)

If you say someone's argument is wrong & she needs to re-think it or grow some compassion, that's within the rules, but if you say she's a stupid whatnot & shouldn't be allowed to post on the internet or interact with children, that might not be.

    Bookmark   February 20, 2010 at 12:56PM
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yeap that's the difference. I think there is fine line between rudeness and bluntness.

if someone says they spank their children daily then of course I would tell them it is unacceptable and their actions are wrong and my words would be blunt, I don't think i have to encourage them beating up their kids. yet if I start calling them female dogs or stupid or tell them to shut up or start typing capital letters screaming at people then i would come across as immature and rude. and possibly that type of posts would be reported. fine line.

i also think it depends how people speak in real life, if they generally use inappropriate language or have bad manners in real life then that's what they do here. they probably get in trouble in real life too.

    Bookmark   February 21, 2010 at 1:39PM
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