SD14's cellphone and texting BM

momof5angelsFebruary 7, 2009

I have posted a little here about SD14's cellphone but it's starting to get a little annoying...Here's the deal...

We had asked BM to call at certain times each day as she was repeatedly interrupting dinner time, interrupting homework time and calling WAY too late at night. It was discussed in court that BM needed to call at pre-set hours...Two months later BM bought SD a cell phone for her 13th birthday. We did not monitor SD's use of this phone for many reasons. 1) BM pays the bill. It isn't our expense at all. 2) SD makes excellent grades so it wasn't interfering with her school work.

There was a period of time that I had a big issue with the cell phone...If asked to do anything, SD would either appear within moments with BM on the phone or SS11 would respond to my requests that he do his chore with "I want to call my Mom" and he would scurry off to SD's room for the phone. DH has made it clear that calling BM does not change OUR rules so this activity has subsided for the most part. He also made it clear that if they could not do as they were expected, the cell phone would go to BM's house on the next visit and stay there.

Enter NEW problem: Unlimited texting. SD has wanted unlimited texting for months now. For Christmas BM bought SD14 a new cell phone AND unlimited texting. SD's phone bill has now increased to over $60 a month which I find pretty ridiculous considering BM couldn't even afford the gas and food that would allow the skids to visit last month.

SD14 texts non-stop all day long. If we go shopping she is texting as she walks through the aisles. If we are driving she is texting non-stop. The BIG problem here? She is texting BM. BM apparently came into some money and got unlimited texting herself last week...SD comes into the kitchen texting BM while I am cooking. She texts her Mom to say "we are having spaghetti." We go to the grocery store. She is texting Mom..."We are shopping at Kroger." Basically BM has a constant play by play of every move we make in our house day after day all day long...including when SS9 is in trouble or WHATEVER may be going on in our home...

I'm getting fairly fed up. I can't fart without BM knowing about it...Considering we do not pay the bill and SD does get good grades would it be out of line to put restrictions on this phone and texting? One reason that I feel it SHOULD be monitored is because of drama it has incited this week. SD14 and SS11 were in a texting war with BM...they do NOT yell at us at our house and are very respectable because we demand that...but they yell and scream at BM and talk down to her. SD told me a couple of days ago that her and SS11 had been in a text war with BM because BM treats her stepdaughter (who is 17) like a FRIEND while she treats them like her kids. Apparently BM sent a "You are my BFF forever" text message and SD was proud of getting BM to stop treating her like a child...

I just would like to go to the store without BM knowing my every move...Any thoughts?

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yah, no text messaging in the house anymore because it disrupts privacy issues.
Have you ever sat down and told SD that she doesn't have to do a day to day recount of everything?
I had the same problem in my house andi told my Dh i can't stand the fact the sd would get on the phone and literally recite the day in every detail.
So i couldn't stop i let my dh have his way:) Every time they came down, i let him decide the activities...which was nothing. After several months , life was so boring at my place she couldn't bother even saying anything to her mom.
It was an odd way to handle it but...oh well.
And there was the issue of digital camera. I would erase selective pics or replace her batteries with old ones so she could not take any pics. I found it intrusive for her take photos of my property. After a while she stopped bring that as well.
I guess its something they go through at that age..dont know...
What does your dh think of it? what does he say?

    Bookmark   February 7, 2009 at 12:08PM
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I mentioned it to DH the other day...the whole minute by minute play by play. He didn't really respond...but there were much bigger issues that we were discussing that particular day. SD has had the phone for well over a year now and I'm not going to say anything about her talking to her BM unless it interferes with our daily activities, homework and chores...but this is a touchy subject...if we are "thinking" about running out to the store she texts BM..."we might be going out in a bit"...BM loves to hear bad things about our home and I don't like the thought of her knowing what we are doing every second of the day. Keep in mind that my DH has sole custody of the kids so we are talking about BM getting a play by play 26 days a month (they only see BM 4 days a month.) I'm thinking this is going to get old very fast.

We have a rule in our house that you don't get on your computer or cell phone until you have done your chore for the day. SD, like the other kids, has a small chore each day that takes no more than a few minutes to complete...SD's chore is not done today yet she just EMAILED me from her room to tell me that she has been TEXTING her BM about a new haircut that she wants and she thinks her BM is going to say no because she hasn't responded yet...Welcome to life in my house---and my frustrations. It's a daily battle to get anyone to do...well...anything!

I'm thinking of disconnecting the internet cords from my router each night until the kids say "Ok, homework and chore is done!" the next day...but then there is still the cell. It is a strange situation considering that it is provided by BM and paid for by BM. Is it even appropriate to take it away if things aren't getting done?

    Bookmark   February 7, 2009 at 2:44PM
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You have to decide - do you want to disconnect communication because SD isnt doing chore or because she is talking to her mom. My guess -- SD14 is going to reach a point soon where she is tired of talking to mom, so let it go.

    Bookmark   February 7, 2009 at 3:03PM
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We have a "no texting" policy at our house that keeps meal time and homework time phone/text-free. Also, if we are involved in some activity (sledding, a movie, one-on-one conversations, etc.), we have the cell phones off.

It's not much of an issue with SD15, since she's not on her phone much. But SS has racked up some SERIOUS minutes of talk time as well as text totals in a month. Seriously, in December he had a total of 6958 text messages AND over 4000 minutes of talk time!!!

If your SD is mature enough, you might consider sitting down with her and explaining your concerns. It's ok not to want the world to know every time you go somewhere, what you're eating for dinner, etc. My guess is that her texting of such mundane things is in response to a request (perceived or real) from her mom to know about everything she's doing. We had that for a week or so when SD first came here to live.

    Bookmark   February 7, 2009 at 3:24PM
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My SS's 11 and 13 each have a cell phone plan provided by mom. They have to be on the chargers at 9 and 10pm in the hallway. No phones are allowed at the table during dinner.

Other than that not my bill not my problem.

The daily agenda thing would drive me nutz too. At 14 she is old enought to be told ... that you don't like mom being informed of everything you do

My issue with the phone is .... doesn't matter who they are talking to could be anyone and they know if they "its my mom" we walk away ... we enacted the new rule of chargers in the hallway ... after one night SS13 was on the phone at 11pm and said it was his mom ... when I said time to get off the phone he said "see you at school tomorrow" I said your mom is going to be at school? he said no that was joe schmoe! but you told me it was your mom .... he got the busted look on his face. :) so now the phones are in the hallway with ringers off after bedtime.

And I will add have hubby nip it in the bud real quick don't know how other than taking the phone away from SC when they are calling mom to tattle on you.

My SC use that as a power play and I will not stand for it anymore if hubby doesn't take the phones away I do ... all hell breaks loose but I don't care they are not tattling on me for stupid stuff anymore .... I mean really stupid stuff...
Ex. wouldn't let SS11 have soda he called mom
Ex. wouldn't let SD10 have a pie before dinner on christmas day she called mom

"but my mom said ... I don't care what your mom said unless she is going to walk in the door and get you a piece of pie you won't be getting one"

Take the phones away deal with the issue immediately don't let them tattle on you it will only get much much worse.... when they play the mom bought it card. Tell them well you can leave it at her house or put it away until you see her.

See I bought each of my SS's "new phones" so technically they are "my phones" on her plan :) so I can take them away.

    Bookmark   February 7, 2009 at 4:05PM
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Have her text in her room only.

    Bookmark   February 7, 2009 at 5:06PM
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I honestly don't know what to tell you because I can't figure out whether I want to would step on the phone or flush it down the toilet. Tough call there.

At the same time though, well especially with my husband working out of town, we basically play that same "texting" game with each other all day and night. In the last hour alone we've probably exchanged at least 10 texts. Of course, we don't do it in front of others.

I would probably ask her how she would feel if she had friends who could speak english, but elected instead to speak to each other in a foreign language they knew she didn't understand to deliberately exclude her from their private conversatons, right in front of her. Would she put up with that type of rudeness from them? Would she continue to "hang out" with them? If not, why would she think you should?

    Bookmark   February 7, 2009 at 5:11PM
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The manners angle is important -- and useful too ;-)

I wouldn't even mention the 'what' she's texting, but rather limit the 'when' and 'where' to the point that it's a) bearable for you, and b) too inconvenient for them to text a running tally of your day.

    Bookmark   February 7, 2009 at 7:57PM
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I would take the phone at the beginning of the visit... give them the phone at appropriate times to call mom and take it back. Yes, it's their phone. Yes, it's YOUR house. Your rules apply. If mom doesn't like it, mom can keep the phone at her house... end of problem.

This is no different than the issue a few months ago of the child taking pictures of dad's house on their cell phone to send to mom. It's one thing to say this is what we did today or send a photo of the room, but basically what is described here is the same as spying. Mom doesn't need to know every move the kids make at your house and I'm sure mom would not allow them to tell dad every move made at her house. Each side is entitled to some privacy. If mom doesn't allow it, why should dad?

I'm all for frequent and continuing contact with both parents and kids should be allowed to call their parents as they wish, but when it interferes with someone's privacy or daily life, then it should have limits. Being on the phone all day or hours on end, constant text messages and intrusive picture sharing can be disruptive to the household.

At 14, she is also old enough to understand privacy. She needs to know that while she is entitled to talk to mom about her life and daily activities, it is somewhat of a violation of your privacy for mom to know EVERYTHING that happens as it happens. Would she like to trade places and have someone do that to her?

    Bookmark   February 7, 2009 at 8:46PM
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I don't have any suggestions, but reading this just makes me want to vent. SD(20) is a like a junkie with her cell phone. It drives me crazy. She is almost always clutching the phone between her hands, both thumbs clicking madly on the keys. If it's not in her hands, say while we are eating, it is on the table vibrating away and waiting for a response from her. She actually takes it into the shower with her (wrapped in baggie)!!

Her dad and I, just after Thanksgiving, planned to see DH's folks (out of town) and spend the weekend with them. This trip was planned in advance and my in-laws wanted to take us somewhere nice that was also for 21 and older. SD, who never wants visit her G-pa/ma was currently fighting with her BF, so she asked if she could join us on our trip. Naturally, we said yes. You know what she did the entire time we were there? You got it - she texted all of her friends the entire time. Additionally, she continued her fight with her BF via texting. Her G-pa was ticked by her rude behavior. Consequently we never went to the dinner show because we had a minor with us. I was very annoyed, not because she came with us and it altered our plans, but because she came with us and didn't participate and interact with any of us. She may as well have stayed home and hung with her friends.

I doubt she's texting her mom, but she does tell people what we are doing because she will tell us the comments from the person on the other end! It's both an invasion and an intrusion of our privacy. Sadly, I think most of my SD's contemporaries (and many older) are also addicts. Thx for letting me vent.

    Bookmark   February 8, 2009 at 4:00AM
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"Have her text in her room only."

If they told her she could only text in her room, they'd never see her!

    Bookmark   February 8, 2009 at 9:07AM
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I have watched news programs about how this generation is addicted to electronics. They are always "plugged-in". It started with 24 hour a day TV, video games, ipods, the computer/my space, cell phones and the cameras in them, now the texting. They don't know how to play. They can't be alone and they don't understand the meaning of privacy or manners.

I would set up whatever rules or restrictions for the cell phone that I wanted to while the kids where in my home. Having her the mother provide unlimited texting should not be the issue. If you don't want SD to take the phone on an outing have her leave it at home or you take it and turn it off. Absolutely no phones at meal time.

I would be tempted to play with SD a bit. I would get my cell phone and as I walked through a room that she was in I would say..." Yeah...I'm walking through the living room and the tv is on and SD is watching so and so....." I would do it anytime she was around.....give her a taste of her own medicine. I would just be curious as to how she would react.

I do not like cell phones. I understand that they come in handy but I don't understand the fixation with them. I have had to tell my DD20 that if I am out of the house alone then I don't want to hear from anyone unless it was an emergency. Don't call me and ask "What are you doing?". It ticks me off.

My DS and DD both have cells. They pay for them. They are on them a lot. DD talks, DS texts. Neither of them are on their phones while we eat, while we are in the car or together at the store or any other place. I have asked them to turn them off. It bothers me to hear them go off all of the time.

I don't understand the BM's texting habits with the kids. When my kids would visit their father I wouldn't even answer the phone to talk to my friends. I needed the peace and quiet.

Your house, your rules. If they don't like it then take the cell phones when they get there and give them back when they leave....:>)

    Bookmark   February 8, 2009 at 10:04AM
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Why does a 14 year old even have a cell phone?

    Bookmark   February 8, 2009 at 4:07PM
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My skids got their cell phones when they were 7 and 9!!! They got it because it was another way for BM to control the skids when they are with us. BM demands they have cells on them at all times, after all she should be able to reach her own 'babies' anytime she wants.

I'm with believer on this one; I don't like them but I do see the use for them so I have one. I switch the sound off most of the time so I'm not embarrassed in public by my cell ringing. I'll send a text message to my partner sometimes, but that's about it.

Somebody once described the constant messaging as a form of incontinence; the inability to control the flow :-)

My FDH and me are on different pages on this one. I say switch the d*mn things off most of the day and give the skids (now 10 and 12) maybe one hour per day (7 till 8pm) where they are allowed to 'play' with them. And at bed time they have to be switched off and left in the lounge.
FDh does not want to make any rules; he feels BM already puts so much pressure on skids to have phones on them, and he doesn't want to also apply pressure from our side to switch them off. Skids would be torn between parents demands. FDH thinks that once the skids are a bit older they will 'choose' to not have phones on all the time themselves..yeah RIGHT!!!
Our house our rules, that's my opinion.

They're his kids and therefore FDH gets his way, well mostly. I have kicked up a big stink about the cells being switched on at nighttime. Once SD10'sphone went off at 2am and it made me so angry that I could not get back to sleep for an hour. THAT WAS IT!! Now they have to have the sound off at night time, but FDH still does not want to make any other rules.

Skids want to take cells everywhere, in case BM rings. They'd be in trouble if they don't answer. That in itself would make me set a rule if I were FDH, because it's not ok for BM to apply such pressure and FDH should protect skids from this. Anyway..
Since he thinks it's ok to let skids take cells everywhere I tell them that I'm not looking after cells for them anymore. Because wherever we go, the skids are still skids and they want to go and play. So then they ask me if I can hold on to their cells for them. I did that a few times but now I say; I don't think it's necessary that you bring it, so if you choose to bring it than you need to look after it. And I stick by it!!! Bloody things

    Bookmark   February 8, 2009 at 5:32PM
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I just want to say "I hear ya." My DSS 14 brings his cell to visits and is on it texting almost non-stop. We were at his dad's birthday dinner and his dad (light-heartedly) said no texting at dinner, and DSS just proceeded to keep at it UNDER THE TABLE. I was sitting beside him in a booth, so I could see full well what he was doing, while his dad, who was across from him, could not. He kept glancing down and typing every few seconds during conversation like he was SO COOL because we were SO STUPID! We heard he was texting during Sunday school and DH told him to leave it in the car--DSS replied that he'd "turn it off," and I was shocked when DH actually said, "No, I said leave it in the car." It is so RARE that DH actually enforces anything with him. We have no idea who DSS is texting or what he is saying, so it could very well be BM. If I found out he was telling her all that we were doing and saying, it would drive me crazy, too! IF you have control over your SKs (sounds like you actually do, since they live with you) I would set time limits on when they can be on the phone. Good luck!

    Bookmark   February 8, 2009 at 7:22PM
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I want to be very clear that I do not wish to "cut off communication" with BM. As previously stated, SD has had this phone for well over a year and there has been only one issue. I DO however feel that communication could be LIMITED to at the most 2 hours per day via text as it is currently between 4 hours (on school nights) and 7-8 hours on weekends.

SD did get into a habit back in the fall of totally using BM and the cellphone to get something she wanted...but she found out that wasn't going to fly right away. She was going into gymnastics but we had discussed letting her take hip hop dance classes also, as they were on the same day and it would cost only $3 per class. Basically one day I was doing dishes and she came in the room to chat for a few minutes...she then said "I'll be right back" and returned a few minutes later, appeared beside me talking to BM on the cell, said "Hang on a minute, Mom...I have to ask **** something" and without moving the phone from her mouth she said "Since you are considering letting me do two activities, I would rather do the gymnastics on Wednesday and the cheerleading classes on Thursday. I'm not interested in hip hop dance at all." SURELY I wouldn't say no with BM on the phone, right? Wrong. I told her that her Dad and I had discussed it and decided that gymnastics would be enough for now and Thursday's are guitar lessons for 2 of the others so there was no time for cheerleading classes on Thursday. She quickly said "That sucks...Well, I'll just do hip hop dance class then." I told her that I didn't see any point in spending the money and time on hip hop dance if she had no interest in it at we would just stay with gymnastics for now. That pretty much blew up on her so that has never happened again.

I want to point out that DH has sole custody of his we aren't talking that the constant play by play is just on an EOW basis. I could certainly deal with that. BM only sees the kids 4 days a month. The other 26+ days, the kids are with me (since DH works long hours with a commute.) Having BM knowing everything going on in my life, day after day 26+ days a month is going to make me feel that my entire existence is lived under a microscope...

I don't like those circumstances under ANY conditions, but most certainly not under the condition that BM knows everything going on in my life...

Last month, I had to have SD14 and DS15 remove MSN Messenger from their computers. The reason why? First of all, due to obvious reasons they were told NO INSTANT MESSAGING PROGRAMS at all when I bought computers for their room. They downloaded it anyway. New issue: My parents were on their MSN and SD was updating them on my every single move. Now, I love my parents to pieces...but they do have a tendency to talk and talk and keep me on the phone for hours. I kid you not, I have to say "I need to go, Mom or Dad" NO LESS than 10 or so times on each call. As much as hate to admit it, sometimes if I am busy I just don't answer the phone. This led to an uncomfortable situation last month...SD had been chatting with my mother (who lives in a different state by the way) and Mom told SD that she was going to call me...I was in the middle of making dinner...the phone rang, I saw that it was my mother and thought to myself "I'll just call her back later." SD emerged a few minutes later and had been involved with my mother in a discussion about how I had the phone with me and just didn't answer it...I called Mom to explain and she wasn't upset at all...and being a mom of 5 herself said that she understood...but it was still embarrassing. My parents also were being informed about issues between her BM and Dad. SD would tell them EVERYTHING...from issues with travel to problems with other kids having trouble at school. These are issues I do not wish to bother my parents with. They have enough to worry about concerning their OWN health and I don't want them worrying about issues that I may be dealing with. Now, one could say that I "cut off communication" with their grandparent/step-grandparent. But that isn't necessarily true. I told both SD14 and DS15 that they could call their grandparents whenever they wanted. Also they could email them whenever they wanted. That isn't "cutting off communication"...that is LIMITING communication due to a situation that was causing some undue stress on me.

So this brings me full circle to the issue with BM. Of course, a custodial parent doesn't want to totally cut off communication with a non-custodial parent...but should there ever be a limit? Especially when it is causing issues regarding privacy and with chores and responsibilities not being done for days on end?

My life feels like a reality show with BM being the prime spectator. It is very uncomfortable to me...

    Bookmark   February 9, 2009 at 2:45PM
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I could have written this post almost exactly. Except SS is older 14 and hardly ever talks to BM. DD constantly texting or on the phone with the play by play.

I stare at her, but don't really care, our lives are pretty mundane. We get dinner ready, we eat, we watch tv or use the computer, she has to take a shower, then she goes to bed and the day starts again. I imagine BM must be bored to tears by the play by play.

DD lost the use of the cellphone as punishment for lying. Since BM pays for it, we made her call her BM and tell her to cancel the service for the month and the reason. This was worse for the DD than the actual punishment. She likes to pretend she's the "victim" with her BM and does nothing wrong ever.

BM lives in another state about 3 hours away, so the deception works pretty well since BM only sees them 4 times a year (her choice).

    Bookmark   February 10, 2009 at 6:59PM
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I would have my dh put his foot down on all this texting if it is a play by play of your life.

During the week the cell should not even be turned on till homework is done. Should not even be in the room during dinner. Maybe an hour of texting per night.

On weekends when your spending family time or going on an outing together it should be left at home.

I would just tell sd that it is not good for her hands (carpel tunnel) to be typing constantly. And it is not good for her eyes either! And it is annoying! LOL

    Bookmark   February 10, 2009 at 8:56PM
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If SD only sees her mother 4 days a month, could it be that SD is constantly on the phone wiht BM because she misses her? and SD tells BM every little thing because she misses her mom? What is the reason for SKs to see her only 4 days a month? Is she unfit mother? Or she lives too far away to afford more visits? I think that them texting each other back and forth might be because of lack of face-to-face communication.

    Bookmark   February 10, 2009 at 9:01PM
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Looks to me like she posted the reason for them to only see mom 4 days/month. It's her choice and she lives in another state. My SD also sees her mother only once/month or even every other month because of the distance. I don't think it's that uncommon with long-distance parents.

    Bookmark   February 10, 2009 at 10:24PM
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Yes, BM does live out of state (3 hours away) and I'm sure SD misses her...But yes, BM is unfit. I am talking about drug use, alcoholism, abandonment for 2 1/2 years, constant fighting between BM and her husband when the skids visit and her husband is very cruel to my skids verbally. Last month, BM's husband announced to his kids and my skids that BM was not allowed to get MY skids for at least the next visit because she was spending all of her money on visitation weekends and not helping financially. He then told my skids directly that if their BM comes to get them the next weekend that he WOULD kick her out of his house. BM apparently just sat there. We do know that BM's husband spent some time in jail for domestic violence against his first not know if he is hitting BM though.

What concerns me most is that this drama has turned BM into a victim in the kid's eyes. Day after day is drama...and the kids are caught up in protecting her and worrying about her. Add to this that BM feels guilty as well for all the drama which adds another issue. SD knows BM feels guilty...and she takes advantage of this every chance she gets. Every other day SD is asking BM for something new. A new haircut. A new pair of shoes. A new calculator. A new jacket. Earrings. A bigger cell phone plan. DVD's. It's constantly ongoing. The whole thing is unsafe and unhealthy in my opinion.

At one point, after the kids finally started seeing BM again (after she came out of hiding after 2 1/2 years) SD told us that she wanted to move in with her Mom. DH told her that he just didn't feel BM's house was stable enough. SD then cried and said that her BM was trying to get her husband to stop drinking...SD said that if she had more time at BM's house she could help BM to get her stepdad to quit drinking also but that 4 days a month was not enough time to help him. I had to leave the room in tears...She was 12 years old.

The relationship with BM is not a healthy one...but at least it was somewhat limited...until the UNLIMITED texting came about last month. Now let me add that BM's life is so screwed up that she LOVES to hear negatives about our life. The skids have constantly told me about her asking about my job or how DH and I are doing. If I do something special for the skids, she either downplays it or tries to outdo me...(Remember the story about Christmas 2007? I told her in November what I was getting the skids. She had Christmas that year so we were going to have our Christmas when they got back...Ironically BM got them EVERYTHING I told her that I had bought them. When they got back to our house they just opened the same stuff they had got a week earlier from BM...not quite as exciting, you know?)

I can't make BM disappear...but I certainly don't want her knowing about every sneeze I have.

    Bookmark   February 11, 2009 at 12:04PM
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sounds like my life, i have seven in the house ss 10 yrs old was given a cell phone by his mother, we have custody, she has since moved away for six months, SS was grounded from all electronics for a week, he kept acting up so he lost out for 2 weeks, now BM stated how i was breaking the law not letting her talk to him and it is her phone not mine to take away... this lady has real issues but that is another subject.

    Bookmark   February 17, 2009 at 11:15PM
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One thing I would have to say in my situation is that even if I grounded my stepkids from the cell phone, I would still give allow them to talk to their Mom...just on my land line. This can be considered legally wrong and is probably morally wrong...You can't ground a child from their parent...You can limit it though. Let them talk to Mom but not for 4 hours straight or every 30 minutes.

But as for taking away the phone, it is your house and if you want to not allow it in your house, you have the right to make that decision. BM can't say which electronics are used in your home even if she would like to think she can.

    Bookmark   February 18, 2009 at 1:00AM
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well the fact that he was acting out so bad, caused the electronics away, stating how he wished his dad was dead, how he wished my kids were dead, kinda discomforting, learning to deal with this. he would have gotten off early but word vomit kept coming out of his mouth, tonight as i walked by his room heard him talking to his BM how she is taking us to court and using everything against us he tells about feeling like your under a microscope......loosing my mind here

    Bookmark   February 18, 2009 at 7:35AM
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You know i'm a true believer that if a stepchidl truly hates where he is and is causing havoc to your family and life, and he wants to be with the other parent, then send him packing.
I do not believe in forcing a child to stay with me, i think its wrong and if your sd wants his mom then send her to mom and be done with it. I think at that age its important for them to be with their mother.
And yes, i agree that kids in general should not have a cell phone.
My Sd asked for one, we said no. In fact this was my expression when she asked, I said : Do you have a job? she replied NO. I said there's your answer.
No job, no cell phone. There are landlines to talk.
And I know for a fact that if mommy dearest bought her one that my DH said he would not allow it in our household period. We dont like cellphones. i honestly think there are health risks.
Its been proven they give headaches , disrupt sleep and now they are finding tumors but they still need to look closer on these studies for tumors.
Either way, i dont like them, dont want them and i dont care what bm thinks, no cell phone period in my household and she can take me to court if she wishes and i'm sure she will lose because there is a land line and computer for communication and we do not block bm from calling...sooooooo...
No cells phones!

    Bookmark   February 18, 2009 at 8:55AM
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Wow, emt...what a mess!!! Are you guys considering letting him go live with her?

My stepkids wanted to live with their BM for awhile but we did not allow it. They were creating havoc and being very disrespectful but our case was rather different...BM's house is NOT safe. Her husband is an alcoholic with a history of abuse, she hid from them for 2 1/2 years and has to move for various reasons often. No stability, too much drinking and to be honest, I spend the summer sick to death when they are gone.

When we were going to court, BM was talking WAY too much to my skids about the events...talking about things we didn't want them to hear about. I fully admit that during dramatic times there were occasions where I just let her calls go to voice mail until my DH got home...Too much stress for me to hear the drama they discussed without him around.

I actually WISH that BM wasn't such a loser...I would love to be the EOW step parent and have them for the summer and all vacations...I would miss them like crazy but a child does need it's mother...when they are capable of raising them that is...My husband was right. She is unfit. So I am right behind him on retaining custody as long as possible, regardless of the costs, heartache or whatever else...but it's easy for me. If I find I can't deal with the drama I can get out...Easy on ME maybe...not on the kids. Messy situation.

    Bookmark   February 18, 2009 at 5:52PM
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i dont think that would be in the best interest, he has custody for a reason, she was abusive when they were small, and she is a havoc starter herself, i have heard her on the speaker phone, say "what about her ba...rd kids" to her son who was 9 at the time, when do these parents learn not to badmouth in front of the never sick of it at times, im raising 7 in the house his 3 and my 4. doing the best we can, and having to put up with her is insane......

    Bookmark   February 18, 2009 at 7:43PM
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