Pretty darn angry!

lovehadleyFebruary 10, 2010

I really don't care much about BM or what she says/thinks/etc.

HOWEVER I am pretty darn infuriated with her and have to vent!

DH & I are DONE with fertility treatments. After 28 months, we have decided to pursue adoption. I feel in my heart this is the right choice for us. Not to get too religious, but I feel that this is the path God has chosen to take...and I'm more excited about it than I've EVER been about getting pregnant!

BUT...guess what...we are just starting our homestudy process and applying with different agencies/programs and I've had to obatin copies of the child abuse allegation made against me, I've had to write a letter of explanation and I've had to obtain the copy of the eventual "safe home report' we received. (Actually, I haven't gotten the latter just yet, I had to go in and apply for it and will receive the official form in the mail in the next couple weeks.)

Now this is all OKAY and will not prohibit us from adoption. Our social worker assured me she's had many people in similar situations (parents in custody battles, teachers, etc.) but it DOES all have to be carefully documented.

THIS ALLLEGATION will follow me for the REST OF MY LIFE. EVERYTIME a child abuse registry is run, my name will come up as having a "file.' Even though that file was closed.

SO..I have to say...I am pretty ticked off! Even though it's not a "problem" persay, I hate having to explain ANYTHING.

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Is there any way to have the file permanently expunged? Can an attorney assist you with that?

    Bookmark   February 10, 2010 at 11:24AM
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No, it's not a criminal charge, so it can't be expunged.

She just called a stupid 1-800 hotline and made a report about me. ANYONE can do sucks...I mean, if I hated my neighbor or had a terrible enemy, I could call up and say 'hey, this person is abusing their child' and BY LAW, the state has to send a social worker out to investigate within 24 hours.

It's not a court record, it's within the family care registry system. Your name stays in there indefinitely. At some point, it will maybe drop out, but that can be upwards of 20 years, I was told. Even though it doesn't show anything BAD and just shows that a file was opened and then closed, it still just really sucks.

I am a TEACHER, too, which makes me even more angry. I don't teach anymore, but if I ever went back to teaching, I would have to disclose this on an app.


I just wish people would consider their actions and the IMPACT they can have on peoples' LIVES. I mean, I don't care how much I despised someone, I would NEVER stoop so low as to make a false allegation of something so serious. I just can't imagine.

BM's mom even told DH "Well, LH called the police on BM in the incident regarding SS and BM is just doing the same thing in return."

    Bookmark   February 10, 2010 at 11:41AM
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I agree with cap, talk to your attorney to see if it can be removed.

Years ago, my son's father filed several reports and nobody ever contacted me. Then my ex & I went to see about foster parenting. During the application process, we were told about this 'incident' involving my son that had been reported to the Department of Justice. I would assume that before something that serious is reported, and can follow you around for life, that they would have at least investigated... you know, give me a call and ask me if such & such ever happened? Or tell me that I have this against me so I could defend it. But, that isn't the way it works. I don't remember who I contacted, either the agency or the DOJ, but I told them that if they thought my son had been abused by me and were going to report it somewhere to follow me... they should have at least called me. I don't know if they removed it, but I have background checks routinely for my job and have passed all of them. Of course I haven't tried to foster or adopt, so it could pop up in that case. I don't know. (Of course it was over 15 years ago)

I would start with the agency that has the 'file'. Ask them what they do about unfounded complaints. You may have a case of defamation of character... but, I know you probably don't wanna go there.

    Bookmark   February 10, 2010 at 11:47AM
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Thanks Ima. :)

WE just had background checks run as one of the first steps of our homestudy and everything was clear. The only things that show up in crim. checks are charges/arrests/convictions. It shows up in the Family Care/Safety registry as a report made with my name. It is detailed in that it shows the report was investigated and that no abuse was found. So the file was "closed" but still remains within that system.

Accoding to our social worker, disclosure is what they care about. THey just want me to be upfronty about what happened so the worker can write it up in our homestudy report as acknowledged. If I were NOT to disclose it, then it could look like I was hiding something. It just p*sses me off that I am even IN the position of having to disclose anything.

The whole thing was absolutely insane. I mean, BM said SS had a bruise on his arm that looked like a fingerprint. But when asked to show the bruise, she said she had seen it a week ago. HELLO!!!! If you REALLY thought your child was being abused and had a BRUISE, wouldn't you take a picture and file the report IMMEDIATELY? WHY would you wait a week???

And then when the social worker came to our house the next day, she looked SS over, noted no bruising and she even ASKED him about it and he said he didn't know why his mom was saying I had bruised him. :(

It probably isn't worh pursuing to get it closed (I don't know if I even could, although the defamation of character thing is a thought.) I could ask an attorney about that....I think that is hard to prove, though.

I mean, all the evidence is on my side, and we've been reassured it's nothing to worry about but it just sucks having to be on the defensive nonetheless.

    Bookmark   February 10, 2010 at 11:56AM
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Yes LH I agree it sucks ... lost my job over false allegations :( ... cannot work with anywhere where a DCF, CORI or DSS record is required anymore .... until my name is "cleared" viz the same process... but having to explain to every one was a fu$kup BM was ... that she made the initial call every 6 months until we told them NOT TO CLOSE the case thats the one that remains on my record .... then while we had that one open someone called on BM just about every 2 weeks to file a report on her .... "our" case was open for 2 years being investigated because BM had to prove she was the better parent .... until they went to court and DCF and a judge told her directly that unless the children are mortally wounded she cannot call them again to settle her custody arguements or to prove she is the better parent.

If I "stay clean" for TEN YEARS ... I can ask that my file be sealed but so here's hoping by 2020 BM leaves us alone!!!

Isn't being a SP GREAT!

    Bookmark   February 10, 2010 at 12:08PM
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I totally understand. Adoption/fostering are hard enough as it is without having to go through a bunch more crap just because someone is vindictive.

BTW, Congratulations on making the adoption decision! I know it's not an easy one. A couple in our life group made that decision and 1 month after having all home studies and preparedness courses done, they adopted a little girl. They've been really happy with that choice! I hope you are, too! It takes a special person to choose to adopt!

    Bookmark   February 10, 2010 at 12:43PM
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good luck with adoption! what a great thing. i am happy for you! i always wanted to adopt and totally support everyone who goes for it!

how awful you have to defend yourself...there are very many false allegations out there and CPS are obligated to investigate, hopefully authorities know how common it is.

we had a student in a district who routinely accused teachers for hitting him, of course none of it was true but there was investigation every time, luckily other students heard him say that he will get back to them for failing him. his mother periodically requested hearing and tried to sue the district for one thing or another usually just making stuff up.

teachers and exspouses (with evil exes i mean) are always in danger of false allegations. how awful.

at a high school we never stay with a student alone in a room with the door closed, always keep it open. you never know. wouldn't want to defend myself.

    Bookmark   February 10, 2010 at 12:57PM
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What a crock! I'm so sorry you are having to defend yourself against these stupid allegations over and over. I hope they disappear quickly...

    Bookmark   February 10, 2010 at 5:54PM
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