my sons old friend

mom2emallFebruary 5, 2010

I posted last summer I think about a boy whom my son no longer wanted to be friends with. They had been friends in school briefly and then the boy was pulled out of school and homeschooled. My son and him played together a lot for maybe a year and then the boy's family started to change and the boy changed. They became very religious and strict. They took the tv out of their home and banned the boy from playing any video games at their home. He was told he could play video games at friends homes, but they had to be rated E.

So when the boy would come to our home all he wanted to do was play video games. My son would want to be outside swimming or playing football or nerf guns or playing with the neighbor too. This boy would refuse and cry that he wanted to play video games. Problem was the only video games my son likes are rated teen so the boy could not play them. It came to the point where my son did not want to play with the boy and they had nothing in common. The boy continued to call and my son avoided him. One time I said my son was not home and the boy told me he had just driven by and saw him outside....I said ya, he is outside of the neighbors house playing and I am not going to go over there to get him, but will tell him you called.

Well the boy took the hint after a while and has not called in months. I felt bad because I understood my son not wanting to play with him, but I still liked the mom.

Well the other day the mom called me to tell me they are putting the boy back in school. To make the transition easier the principal asked if there was anyone the boy would like to be in class with and wouldn't you know he named my son!! So she called to tell me the wonderful news and ask if my son could kind of show him around and be a friendly face. I told her I would let my son know her son would be in his class and ask him to help him get adjusted.

My son came home from school that same day and told me the teacher announced they would have a new student and told the class who he was. My son said many of the kids in the class were making negative comments because nobody likes him. Kids have run into him since he has been homeschooled because we live in a small town. The boy acts very immature and they don't like him. My son was upset because his teacher asked him to be the boys buddy and show him around.

So I told my son I just expect him to be kind to the boy. He does not have to be "friends" with him, but I expect him to be nice. I said that maybe when others saw him being nice they would follow suit. My son said probably not and that his friends may not want to be around him when he is around this boy. I told him to just do his best to be nice to this boy while keeping his friends.

I feel bad for my son because I feel like he has been put in a bad spot. My sisters say I should not "force" a friendship or put it on my son to make people like this boy or be nice to this boy. And that pre-teen years are rough enough without this pressure.

What would you do???

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mariend

Do not force your son to "be a friend" Your son is establishing his place also and feels like people may not like him either. Since you are kind of involved, maybe you can go to a counselor or have your son talk to a counselor or Principal or the teacher. Many schools will step in when they see problems start. Our schools here are very active in the program Character Counts. They have programs, special speakers, etc. If your school does not have that program, I would suggest talking to the school officials. You did not say what grades but it sounds like around 7-8 or middle school. If it is not corrected, their could be violence later.
Good luck

    Bookmark   February 5, 2010 at 7:48PM
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nivea

I feel bad for your son and really bad for this kid. Seems like this situation is ripe for bullying.

    Bookmark   February 5, 2010 at 8:43PM
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sweeby

The new boy desparately needs some help with social skills and fitting in. No, it's not your son's job to do it -- But if he's unwilling (which is his right), it would be a great kindness for you to be upfront and honest with the other mom and let her know your son can't take on this role and that she needs to find someone else. The school counselor may be able to help --

    Bookmark   February 5, 2010 at 10:19PM
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