EX wants to take the kids

nikemamaFebruary 25, 2009

My Ex-Husband is telling my children and teaching them German that he is taking them to Germany this summer. All of this he has not asked me or even breathed a word to me about it. My Ex is on disability (every since the Child support order came in) lives with his (or off) his GF for the past 2 years. I have had an DVO no contact except exchanging the kids in place for most of that time. I also have FULL CUSTODY since he has proved over and over to the court how mentally ill he is. And now he thinks he can take them out of the country??? I am very disturbed about this and it is hard to try to talk to him about things like this because our relationship is so messed up. One fear is that he could stay in Germany with the boys but also if he has a mental break-down while he is there, It isn't like I can drive over and pick them up. I don't like him to get more then an hour or so from me let alone the idea of out of the country.

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Do they have passports? can you file in court? file soon so you can stop it before it happens. I live in mass ... it takes 30 days to get a court date for contempt.

Sidenote: do you get check for disablility checks for your kids? if not you should be if he is on and you have custody the checks go to you not him.

    Bookmark   February 25, 2009 at 10:46AM
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If they don't have passports, you legally have to be there to sign for them to be approved. There is NO WAY your ex can get the kids passports without YOU being at the application center.

If they DO have passports, you can contact the state department and get their passport numbers flagged. I don't know how that works but I would imagine if your ex has a history of mental instability AND you have full custody AND you believe your kids are at risk for an international abduction...I think you have everything in place to get the state department involved!


    Bookmark   February 25, 2009 at 10:58AM
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What does your custody agreement/order say about leaving the country? Is he current with his child support? I would try to get his passport revoked if he is in arrears and file for an order to prevent him from leaving the country with the children. You may also contact the US embassy in Germany to find out what they could/would do to help if he did take the kids and refuse to bring them back. Would your order be valid there?

    Bookmark   February 25, 2009 at 11:21AM
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If you are a custodial parent, he cannot take them out of the country without you signing an affidavite. If you have full custody and he takes them wihtout your permission, it is kidnapping. I do not know what your steps should be but what he is planning is not legal.

    Bookmark   February 25, 2009 at 11:41AM
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If they have passports and you have physical custody of the passports if there is nothing in the court order regarding intl visitaation or passports I would see a lawyer NOW about returning the passports to the state department and invalidating them. The NY times has been running an article about a guy whose exwife took the kid to brazil, denied him custody, and she died, and HE STILL CANT GET THE KIDS BACK, 4 YEARS LATER.

    Bookmark   February 25, 2009 at 4:53PM
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what kkny said.

My gut feeling, & yours too, is that if he takes them out of the country, you'll never see them again.

Don't let him.

    Bookmark   February 25, 2009 at 5:39PM
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And the article said the US does have a treaty with Brazil. And the X married her lawyer. AAAHHH nightmare city.

    Bookmark   February 25, 2009 at 6:04PM
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Nothing much to add, all good advice is there. Best of luck with it nikemama, and let us know how you go.

    Bookmark   February 26, 2009 at 12:02AM
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Now as I am thinking about...I thought it would be impossible to take kids out wihtout a CP permission but as I started thinking....

My X travelled wiht DD all over the world, he was not a custodial parent, I was. I always made a notarized affidavit that she is allowed to travel with him. But he says nobody ever asked for that letter, never in years. they also travelled to countries that required visas and he obtained one for DD and no one asked anything. he has a birth certificate but nothing says that he had custody. ha.

You better do something about it quick because if they ask nothing, then your X can take your kids anywhere. Does he have their birth certificate?

    Bookmark   February 26, 2009 at 12:14PM
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#1. They need passports. You can call the passport office and ask them if he has applied for them. I know in canada while applying for passports it specifically asks if you have full custody or visitataion...yes..he could ly. BUT this is why you call the passport off in your area and speak to them that under no circumstance are they to issue passports for your kids without your approval
#2. Your ex will need a signs letter from you while travelling to give him permission. This letter states where and contact info and time of return.
BUt in this case since he claims disability then in no way will he take the kids out of the country period. I think you should also speak to your ex and confront him and speak to your kids that Germany is out of the question. Unless he takes you along:)

    Bookmark   February 26, 2009 at 12:36PM
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This is a scary situation.

And I read the story KKNY was talking about..very sad!

Just so you know anyone can lie on a passport application and get a passport when they do not have custody. Anyone can get a copy of their childs birth certificate even if they are the non custodial parent. People can do all kinds of things.

Do whatever you can do to stop him from getting a passport for the kids! And I think I would not let on what you know. The less he thinks you know the better.

    Bookmark   February 26, 2009 at 1:03PM
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"Just so you know anyone can lie on a passport application and get a passport when they do not have custody. Anyone can get a copy of their childs birth certificate even if they are the non custodial parent. People can do all kinds of things."

This is NOT true. The measures to prevent parental child abduction have REALLY been tightened.

I JUST went through this a few weeks ago to get my DD and my SS their passports.

The passport agency does NOT care if a parent says they have full custody. What they care about is the birth certificate. If both parents' names are on the birth certificate, BOTH PARENTS have to be present for the application. They make you hold your hand up, take an oath that everything you are stating is true, etc. My DH and BM BOTH had to be present and present valid IDs for SS to get his passport.

If BOTH parent's names ARE on the birth certificate, and one parent is absent, or one has full custody---then OFFICIAL NOTARIZED COURT PAPERS are required.

There are very strict measures in place to prevent one parent from obtaining a passport for a child.

Now, I am not saying you do not need to be cautious---you DO. But your real concern is whether your kids already have passports. Do they? If so, you need to contact the state department IMMEDIATELY and have them voided. They CAN and WILL do that.

If they DO NOT have passports, then still call the state department and they can enter your kid's names into a database that will pop up if someone so much as TRIES to apply for a passport.

But I am POSITIVE, without your PRESENCE at a passport agency, there is no way he can get passports for your kids. He can TRY but they will be denied.

    Bookmark   February 26, 2009 at 1:26PM
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lovehadley and nike,

I just had DS6 passport renewed and it was a breeze. They asked if DH who is on birth certificate was present, I said he had to work which was true and the passport was done. When I applied the first time, there was no sweat either. I don't know the law, just my experience and I have never been challenged on passports, ID or anything else for my son who I have taken in and out the country 3 times now by myself. Don't count on all passport offices being deligent. Mine was a quiet post office in a suburb we used to live in, no fuss no muss.

You need to register with the Customs and Immigration Departments yourself. Give them you kids passport numbers if you have them, names, ages and socials and they will post alerts. You should also file for an injunction at Family Court restricting international travel without dual consent. They will do this for you.

Don't hope that they get caught at the passport office. Passports are harder to get, that's true, but can still be gotten pretty easily including online.

    Bookmark   February 26, 2009 at 2:51PM
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"I just had DS6 passport renewed and it was a breeze"

This might have been easier because it was a renewal instead of a new passport.

I had to get a passport for my DD this year because we have always been able to travel to the Caribbean on her birth certificate, and now that's not an option, anymore.

I know in recent years the security measures have really been tightened. BM and DH both had to be present, present valid government issued IDs AND sign in front of a witness at the post office. NOW--this may be because they have different last names, as they were never married.

I am the only name on my daughter's birth certificate, so I had no issue applying for a passport myself.

Now, again, this is nothing to mess around with, so OP needs to take the proper precautions to either a) prevent her DH from obtaining passports or, b) make their current passports null and void.

I've traveled internationally with my DD and never had a problem---granted, I am the bio mom with sole custody but hey, the airline personel don't know that! So definitely, one cannot count on any airline employee stopping a father traveling with his two children. I don't even think a customs agent would think much of that.

    Bookmark   February 26, 2009 at 3:02PM
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