What would you do?
Hi. I'm new to this forum stuff and postings and that. I am a single mom of 2 and am having a really hard time making a decision about my daughter's father-issues.
My daughter's father walked out on us when I was 3 months pregnant. He became depressed and tried to kill himself and spent the next three years telling me that she is better off without him and I should just tell her that he's dead. This was followed by two years of not hearing from him at all, and when we discovered that she needed open heart surgery at the age of 4, he sort of started coming around and trying to get to know her a little bit. This lasted about three months and he was pretty much gone again. During his absence and up until he showed up when her surgery came about, when we talked about her dad- I didn't know what to tell her, so I explained to her that he was sick and unable to be there. (She didn't start asking questions until she was about 3 1/2.) A little more history-- when she was 3 months old, I met someone and we soon started dating. Within 8 months we practically lived with him and he adored both my children-- especially my daughter. He had three boys of his own and had always wanted a daughter- and it soon became apearant that she was born to be a daddy's girl. We did end up actually moving in with this man and lived with him for over three years. There came a point when he and I just couldn't see eye to eye anymore and I moved out with my children. My daughter was 5 at this point. (We moved out about 6 months ago.) Even though we were no longer together, the children continued to see him on an every other weekend basis. For my daughter this was important to her-- she had been calling him dad for a little over a year when we split up. He has cared for her and raised her her whole life.
There came a point a couple of months ago when my daughters biological father decided that he wanted to get involved in her life and be a dad to her. He also wanted to work things out with me and have us all be a family. He has been through some therapy and is faithfully attending AA meetings twice a week. I asked my daughter if she would like to start seeing him and she said yes. We would go over to his home one to three times a week, depending on what we had going on. This continued for a couple of months until my daughter started to express desire to spend some time with her "step-dad". Her father did not like this idea, and we 'talked' about it for a few days.
I feel that she has every right to see the man who raised her and formed a bond with her for 5 years. When he(step-dad) and I split up, I had told him that what they had as a father-daughter was something that could not be taken away, and I would not keep him from seeing the kids if he wanted to and they wanted to. We were a family and he loved them as his own and still does. He thinks it's great that her dad wants to get to know her and hasn't had a negative comment on it whatsoever. However her (biological) father is just beside himself that I would let her continue to see him since he popped up and thinks he wants to try and be a dad now. He said as long as I continue to let her see her (step)father, he doesn't want to be involved. Is it just me, or is this wrong??
I need to hear other people's opinions. I think I am doing the right thing by not closing the door on a relationship she has had her whole life with a man who, no matter what, will not let this little girl down.
Please offer your opinions!!