SD is Boy Crazy...Im Worried

nikemamaFebruary 18, 2009

BM called DH yesterday said that SD (13) was sitting between a boys legs waiting for her bus number to be called. She was all layed back on him from the account we got. She got in trouble for that. The next day the boys was sitting between hers. The Parent Teacher meeting Teacher says she has moved SD all over the class trying to keep her from talking non-stop to boys. She won't stop only boys not girls. SD is all about her MY-Space and her Cell phone. I have been jumping up and down about the Myspace since the summer. We don't have a computer at home so I check on her from here at work. Her grades are good school comes easy for her. I am afraid that if she keeps putting herself out there she will find a taker. My bigger fear is that she already has. I was abused as a young girl. That alone made me more into boys at a very young age. It is a touchy subject with DH and I want to talk to him without upsetting the apple cart. He gets upset if I talk about my early history and would be equally upset if I suggested SD might be walking that walk herself.

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mom2emall

Was your dh at the conference where the teacher explained the behavior?

    Bookmark   February 18, 2009 at 9:53AM
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believer

When my SD33 was molested as a child the stats were that 1 in 4 girls were sexually molested by the age of 12. Usually by someone they knew. I am not saying that your SD is on the 4 but your DH should be aware of the truth.

She is engaging in risky and inappropriate behavior. It will lead to nothing good. If you have to pick up literature for you DH to read for him to "get it" then I would do so. She is looking for love in all the wrong places. Treading on thin ice. DH should listen to you.

    Bookmark   February 18, 2009 at 9:54AM
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nikemama

No DH was not there. She doen't include him in those meetings. She only told him about it yesterday because she is getting "out of control." BM told her that she was going to tell her Daddy if she didn't straighten up. Also treaten to send her to live with us if she didn't cool it. That makes me mad because I don't want living with us to be looked at as punishment. We love her too. She would be safer. We live in the country (15 miles to the nearest Walmart)and don't have a computer. She lives in town now and could easily walk to most anything she wanted too.

    Bookmark   February 18, 2009 at 10:07AM
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sweeby

Nikemama - Is your SD's BM reasonable? And could you talk to her since you two are both women and are on the same page, both understanding how troubling this really is?

    Bookmark   February 18, 2009 at 10:33AM
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justnotmartha

Having a 14 yr old CSD who has quite a liking for boys I can relate. Unfortunately her mother has set an example that way as well, so DH and I do our best to show her the 'other way'.

I'm very lucky that SD is very open with me about the boy stuff, and we discuss sex and the like often. We've had many talks about how doing X could lead to Y which gets you to the big S-E-X. I've explained how even the 'boy I know would never do that' could be led into thinking with the wrong head. W've had looong talks about the difficulties teen parents face and the things she would miss out on as we would not raise her child for her. So far SD appears to be on the page we like her to be - maybe a smidge too over affectionate for me but I think her head is in the right place.

Do you or her mom have a relationship where you can be that forward? Does she have any idea of the path she is putting herself on? Does she watch Secret Life of an American Teenager? You may laugh, but that show on ABC Family (about a 15 year old who gets pregnant) has been a good examlpe of what happens when you make a bad choice. I watch it with SD every Monday and we discuss is afterward. It could be a nice segway into 'the talk' if SD isn't comfortable just coming out with it.

Some boy crazy is normal, but your SD needs to know when to say when and be strong enough to do it. Understanind why she needs to say when (rather than mom and dad will get mad) is critical.

    Bookmark   February 18, 2009 at 3:23PM
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