Adult SD & ex-wife issue
I'm new here. Thanks for letting me post/vent, and ask for advice. I have been married to my husband for almost 30 years. When I married him, he had a daughter just under the age of 2, who he had custody of. His ex-wife had several affairs, then left when the baby was 3 months old. The marriage was completely over when I met my husband and subsequently married him. SD is now 31 years old. She lived with us while growing up. Even though we had issues when she was younger, over the last 10 years, we have became best friends, practically joined at the hip. As far as I'm concerned, I may as well have given birth to her. She calls me me Mom. She doesn't feel close to real Mom and real Mom isn't very nice to her most of the time, even though her Mom demands what she calls "respect due to birthing her". My SD has 4 children, who I love very much and spend quite a bit of time with. Real Mother doesn't spend much time with them, hates people knowing she is a g-ma. My SD, husband, son-in-law and myself all are runners. My husband and I have done this for years, SD & her husband just took it up a year ago, but love it. We even travel together to run races. Now that you know the back story:
Facebook issues! My SD and I communicate all of the time on FB. I comment on pics of my grandkids and we talk about our running and our trips. Just the normal stuff you would talk about with your kid who you were very involved with. Ex-wife called SD and yelled at her for an hour about FB. Said she was tired of me posting on FB and trying to "one up" her. SD called me crying about it. I felt so bad and even though it would be giving in, offered to not post on FB very often. I don't want SD to have her Mom causing her distress. Ex-wife even told SD that her friends were making fun of her because her ex-husband's wife posted on HER daughter's page. She is also mad at SD because they take trips with us. Of course, we invite them, real Mom & hubby don't invite them to go on any trips. Grrr...By the way, ex-wife has told everyone (including her daughter) for years that I broke their marriage up. SD now knows that is not true. SD has told me to continue to be myself, post when I want to and not to worry about her crazy Mom. Just so you know, I try to never comment on anything her Mom comments on. Occassionaly we will end up in the same thread because she comments under me, but I don't go out of my way to irritate her. I think the real problem is that our chatting on FB shows how good our relationship is and that is really bugging her. I've thought about trying to talk to her and let her know my posts are only because I care about SD, but I know that won't make it any better. She doen't want to know that I care about SD and after almost 30 years, just wants me gone. Are any of the rest of you still dealing with issues like this after years of marriage?