IMA, I hope that everything will go ok for you guys!! Court is so stressful, but hopefully it'll be worth it!
Me too --
Report back ASAP! ;-)
Where's our update!?
OMG... I had a DAY!!!
Besides court, I went to serve a few subpoena's tonight & my back window shattered. I'm not sure if someone threw a rock or if it was shot at, there was no evidence of either. Just a shattered back window. So, I just got home after waiting to report it to the Sheriff. I hate going to this particular town, especially after dark.
Anyways, court went pretty much how I expected. BM showed up with her mom. We had to wait almost three hours before being called LAST. The Judge read out what DH was asking for... an order to prevent BM from picking up SD early from school. BM responded by telling the Judge "He said my mom is 74, She's only 70!!!" The Judge asked her if there is any reason he should not order what DH asked and she said he lied about her mom collapsing. The Judge was shaking his head because her answers had nothing to do with the question. So, the Judge ordered that she cannot pick up SD early unless it's an emergency. DH said, 'you mean an emergency related to SD, not BM' and the Judge said no, if BM has an emergency that requires her to get SD early, she has to call DH and tell him right away. I was stunned. How many NCP's can just go to the kids' school and sign them out? BM is sure to come up with some 'emergencies' so I'm afraid nothing is really resolved there, but she will have to let DH know and the school is sure to call him since she lied to them the last two times.
As for grandma picking up SD, they said she can. I expected that but DH's position is that BM told him she collapsed and if he just allows SD to ride with her, without medical proof she is okay.. and something DOES happen, he would be guilty of letting her go with someone after being told they are so fragile they collapse over a text message. Oh well, now the Judge has cleared it so he can say he has to let grandma get her. SD was less than thrilled when she heard that grandma can come get her. She smiled but it was not a happy face. Later, she called BM and I guess BM was telling her that grandma can come get her because she told BM 'dad and ima already told me' and I could hear BM shouting "YAY" and SD said "yay". Oh well, it is sad to me that a mom would fight for the right to not come get their kid for a visit.
Oh IMA what a day for you. SH*T!!!!
I can only say that I can relate to frustrating times in court, we've had our fair share. BM probably feels like she got a victory but you just remember you tried to do the right thing for SD and that is ALL THAT MATTERS.
BM might be all smart about it but who cares what she thinks, you look at this on a different level ok? You can live with the knowledge that you try and try and then try again to make things better for SD. And when she's going to be older you can honestly say that you did everything you could for her. That is very important and hopefully will give you some peace of mind.
"BM probably feels like she got a victory"
She did. She 'won' the right to not have to come get her daughter. She can now send her mother so there is probably no reason for DH to have the order that she can't take her out early since she probably won't come get her at all for the rest of the year... unless it's 'an emergency' of course. So, really it IS a victory for her.
However, since the court said 'in favor of DH', maybe she is angry now. SD got picked up yesterday at 2:20 (I am assuming by grandma) so she wouldn't be with BM until after 3. By 5, BM was on the phone yelling at DH about everything under the sun. She b*tched him out for talking to SD about the hearing, she told him to tell me to stop slandering her mom because she says I told SD that grandma was old and frail, she said that I told SD that SD will NEVER live with her (BM), and then chewed him out because SD told her that she has to do her own laundry at our house and BM yelled, "she's a CHILD!" and there was probably more but at that point, I told DH to stop telling me about it. He was pissed and I guess he called her on her lie in court, where she told the Judge that DH made up the story about her mom collapsing. He told her he is sick of her lies. He told her she needs to start acting like a mom and help SD with her project this weekend. She told him SD's teacher won't let her bring it home on Friday's so she can't help. He called her a liar and finally hung up on her. Then, a few minutes later, her mom called DH and he let it go to voice mail. She left an equally nasty message telling him she had filed a court case in her county and he was about to be served but since BM won yesterday, she called off the process server. She went on and on but it was mostly directed at me... telling him to control his wife...
What irritates me most is that SD was probably right there with them, listening to them say all that stuff. No wonder she comes back angry at me. Then, I wonder what she said to them about me? I never told her she would never live with her mom. Nobody told her grandma is old & frail. DH talked to her about the case when she brought it up to him and I asked her how she felt about the hearing. She told me she wanted everyone to get along and I told her that the court was there for people that can't agree on something.. 'dad want X, mom wants Y.. they don't agree so Judge will listen to them both and decide what happens' and that's all I told her. Well, I did also told her that the hearing has nothing to do with where she will live, he isn't deciding that because nobody has asked him to. But, I did not say she won't ever go live with her mom. BM told DH to file the papers for mediation so they can decide custody and he told her if she wants to change custody, SHE needs to file. He already has the order he wants. If he didn't want SD to live here, he wouldn't need to file custody papers, he would just give SD back to BM. and what we did tell SD is that BM told DH that grandma collapsed... SD told me that grandma didn't collapse. We told her if her mom tells us it happened, we don't know if it's true or not and grandma is 70 years old and we don't know what grandma's health is. DH told her that his only concern is making sure SD is safe and he asked grandma for proof she is okay but she didn't give it to him so he had to ask the Judge to make a decision. We told SD that whatever the Judge decides is fine, we are not going to be angry about his decision, even if he doesn't agree with what dad wants. So the extent of the conversation was trying to calm her down about what was going to happen in court and reassure her that it wasn't 'hostile' and that we would also like for everyone to get along.
The laundry issue probably came up because, like I said in my other thread, SD ended up wearing 'our' clothes and not her mom's back because they are still in the dirty clothes. I expected her to bring it up, so I had already planned on taking the clothes back to her on Sunday.
It really is sad that this woman gets so little time with her daughter and spends the first evening of their time together, drilling SD for info.. or SD is volunteering slanted info.. or BM is slanting what SD tells her... who knows???? But, their day together starts off with BM and Grandma calling dad and yelling at him and I have no proof but I know in my heart, SD is right there listening to mom and grandma b*tch out dad and all the nasty things they said about me. Either SD must feel terrible for causing all the drama (because kids always think everything is their fault) or she is feeling triumphant because mom is 'fighting' for her and this is how they bond and feel closer. I don't know but it's pretty sad to me, either way.
Oh yeah, and it's not hard to figure out where BM learned to lie so well. Grandma had told DH on the voice mail that she had filed court papers against him in her county and he was going to be served that day but she 'called it off' after BM won. Her county has online court case index and there is NOTHING filed in that county against DH.. not by her or anyone else. Lying about everything must be a family value they all share. They must also share the stupidity to lie about things that can be proven to be lies.