how to like my BF's teenage son

sjbrown2210January 26, 2013

I posted on this forum a long time ago when I was still coming to terms with the fact that my BF has kids. I've learned to accept that fact and I am dealing with it the best way I know how. Now that time has passed and the kids have gotten older (they're 15) I actually like them more than I thought I would. I have grown a bit closer to his daughter and I really appreciate that relationship, however small it might be.

My only problem is that I just can't seem to get closer to his son. He's really...annoying. I can't think of a nicer way to put it. I don't know how to get past the little things he does that drive me crazy. What drives me crazy, you ask? His son's voice sometimes grates on my nerves, he speaks on things about which he knows nothing, he repeats almost everything I say, which might be flattering if he didn't say it like he thought of it first.

To the people who will say that I am being a selfish bit*h, I understand that the kids come first. In fact I wouldn't be with my BF if he wasn't a good dad. This is not an "I can't deal with my the fact that my BF has kids" question. It's a "how can I learn to like my BF's teenage son so I don't have to put the idea of marriage on the back burner until the kids are grown" question.

I just want to learn to like him so we can all hang out together.

Thanks in advance, guys.

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From my own experience, if he grates that much on your nerves there is probably something you are not identifying that is a bigger issue. It sounds like maybe the son has a low self esteem. I would suggest putting off marriage until the kids are grown. It would be much easier and healthier for a future marriage rather than ruining your relationship with your BF. If you love him like you sound like you do, this will protect your relationship. Just talking from my own personal experience.

    Bookmark   January 26, 2013 at 9:11PM
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"It's a "how can I learn to like my BF's teenage son so I don't have to put the idea of marriage on the back burner until the kids are grown" question."

Hmmm, if your BF was the one that did the annoying things your BF's son did, would you still want to marry him?

Fact is, you don't have to like your BF's son, you aren't marrying him, you're marrying the father, there should just be mutal respect between the two of you. The things you mentioned he does while annoying, really aren't that big a deal, so try to ignore them.

    Bookmark   January 27, 2013 at 12:19PM
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Nik: I think you are right about postponing the marriage until they are at least 18-19. I really do love my BF and I understand how important the kids are to my BF. That's part of the reason I want to like his son so much so we'll be a cohesive "unit". I think you also may be right about the low self esteem thing. (is that the "bigger issue" you mentioned?) I'm not that far removed from 15 and I remember how that feels and I'd like to help him out if he came to me with any problems but he's a teenage boy and he shuts down when people try to talk to him about serious stuff.

Amber: I probably wouldn't be with my BF if he did those annoying things! :) Thankfully, there is a mutual respect between us (partially because his BM and my BF have imparted some sense of home training) and I hope to build on that. We don't have to be the Brady Bunch, I just want to be able to hang out as a group, daresay, as a family.

    Bookmark   January 27, 2013 at 5:42PM
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Brown - try to keep your expectations low. Hoping that all of you will hang out as a group - aka family might be a bit too much to expect.

These kids are teens, practically grown. To come in now at this stage of their life and think that all of you are going to congeal is probably asking for too much. I'm not trying to come down on you, I think you mean well, but avoid the temptation to try too hard. Let BF's son come to you. Trying to force things will only backfire on you.

I wish you the best.

    Bookmark   January 27, 2013 at 8:46PM
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