Unforgiving Spouse

mister_hJanuary 29, 2003

I remarried about 3 years ago to my current wife. We had a small incident on last Sunday (3 days ago) and we haven't talked to each other yet. Last Sunday my wife had to go work overtime and I went to church alone. After the church in the afternoon, I went to our monthly group bible study at one of church members' house. Earlier that day I told my wife to come to the bible study directly after her work. After the bible study was over, I talked to my wife, who was still at work, about having dinner together in a restaurant with the church friends but she said she didn't feel good and just wanted to go home and rest. After the dinner around 7:30 PM, I hurried home even though other people were going to someone's house for teatime. When I got home around 8, I asked my wife "Did you have dinner yet?". She angrilly said "While I'm working and feeling not good, you are eating well and having fun outside?! You smell! Get away from me!" I became speechless and went out of the room. That day I went to church, bible study, and had dinner with church friends. What did I do wrong? During the bible study I even requested church members that we pray for my wife's health because she often feels ill for no apparent reason. And I get yelled by my wife.

Another episode was that one morning I was lying on bed and tried to turn over to other side and my finger tip accidently touched my wife's face. She got angry and accused that I hit her face on purpose and smacked back my face with her fist as for a vengeance. I just couldn't believe her overreacting response. I became speechless. Later she was telling other people that I hit her face for no reason.

Things like this happen quite often between us. Something small happens and she explodes. She becomes UNREASONALBY upset and takes out her anger on me.

I remarried because I loved her and wanted to have a happier life/marriage. I would never get mad or upset at someone's small, unintentional mistake, especially if it's my spouse. Why is she so UNFORGIVING to me? She's 34 and I am 40. Would she change if she gets older? We both have good paying jobs (lawyer & engineer) and don't have other major problems (no adultery, drugs, illness, gambling, etc.). Life is short and going fast. But we are not talking. If I talk, I'm afraid it would lead into a bigger arguement. So I'm keeing silence and so does she. This is so wasting. Any advice?

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sarah_j

Why are you in the stepfamily forum? Give details about the child or children.

    Bookmark   January 29, 2003 at 5:07PM
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MIStepMom

I have a feeling there is something else going on with your wife and these particular episodes are just a way of lashing out due to frustration from the primary issue. I suggest you talk to your wife and lovingly ask her what is bothering her. Make sure you tell her also that you love her very much and you can tell something is bothering her and it hurts you to see her this way. Good Luck

    Bookmark   January 29, 2003 at 7:50PM
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nadastimer

Talking is a good suggestion. It's not healthy to walk around for days and not talk after an argument. Something is bothering her because women don't usually act like this unless there is a problem. Sometimes we sort of expect our spouses to "read" our minds and this might be the case. Talk to her and straighten things out. Ignoring each other doesn't help matters and the longer she's mad, the more the little things are going to get to her and she's going to over react and get more upset as each day goes on. Maybe there was something you guys had planned previously or some issue about the church group or something? Talk...it's your best bet to clear this up.

~Leslie~

    Bookmark   January 29, 2003 at 8:37PM
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stacey446

I have a whole different view. This sounds like me when I have PMS. NO joke. Does this happen often or is has this just started?

    Bookmark   January 29, 2003 at 9:41PM
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darkeyedgirl

I vote for PMS. I have it worse now (age 30) than I ever did, and it has gotten worse since my tubal. But that is just me. All women are different and everyone gets moody. I get to the point I can't stand having anyone around me, then boom, I'm fine and want the world around me. Once a month I have a berserk-week. My boyfriend says he doesn't notice but I think he's just saying that to be nice!

Do you have any kids? I didn't see you mention them? any step-kids? This might not be the best forum to post on. There is a marriage forum here on That Home Site which would be better for you, unless there are issues at home with her kids/your kids, etc. Some of us here aren't married.

- darkeyedgirl

    Bookmark   January 30, 2003 at 8:42AM
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nadastimer

Darkeyedgirl,
Does it really matter that some of us aren't married?I post here because my parents divorced when I was 8 and I've had two step fathers and countless gf's in and out of my dad's life. My DF also comes from a divorced family and both his parents remarried. DF (dear fiance') and I aren't married but we've lived together for 5 years and have a child together. Really what the poster is asking for is advice on a relationship matter, not that you necessarily have to be married to answer. But yes, the marriage forum would be of more help in this instance than the step family forum.

~Leslie~

    Bookmark   January 30, 2003 at 8:48AM
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Susnnn

Shame on you Leslie for living in such a trailer park way (sorry, just had to say that! LOL) I think what darkeyedgirl meant that since some of us in this forum aren't married, that the marriage forum may be more helpful to Mister H. After two failed marriages, I wouldn't even take my own advice on marriage!

    Bookmark   January 30, 2003 at 11:15AM
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bluetoes

Hi Mister H.
Maybe she was just having a really bad day, on this certain day, you said she worked late and was not feeling to well. Maybe she needs to go and get a really good check-up, just to be on the safe side. I know when I have alot of stress on me I seem to take it out on the ones I am close to and love very much, and I know thats wrong to do, but it happens. As far as the bed thing goes where your finger tip hit her, were you asleep and turned over? If so, maybe the hit was a little harder then you think, DH has turned over and caught me with his elbow, and thats not a great feeling when your alseep. I have also let our 4 yr. sleep with us at times, and he has went to turn or something and his head slam right down on my face, now you talk about being upset. Don't give up, and don't stop talking because your scared, thats bad communcation right there. Look at it this way, try to speak your thoughts to her, if she gets upset, o'well you tried. She can not chew you up and spit you out..The more you both hold back, the worse it may be, when you do begin speaking again..Good Luck to you, and I hope everything works out...

    Bookmark   January 30, 2003 at 6:42PM
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