I am new to this forum, but have found the post interesting and since I have no one else I can ask or vent too here goes my first posting!
I have been married to my DH for almost 6 years. He has 5 biological children and I have two - all adults (mine are in college, he has one that just graduated college, one 18 living with us but paying rent, and 3 that are married and have children of their own. So, combined we have 7 children and 8 grandchildren. When I met him, one of the most favorable traits I saw in him was his love for his family. I always wanted more children and loved his excitement about his family. His oldest 3 children's mom deserted them when they were still in diapers so knowing my DH raised these children alone really said something about him as well.
Well, now into our 6th year of marriage, I find that being step mom is not fun at all! Even with adult children:( I love being a grandmother - those 8 kids are my world. One of my SD (24 with 3 kids of her own) seems to always cause us huge headaches. We have dogs - he knew I had inside dogs when we dated that I was not willing to part with. The SD cant stand that fact and has used it as a reason to not come to our house. Her children have all had asthma attacks, some after being around the dogs, but many many others from other triggers - no dogs around. She has used that to say that we have chosen our dogs over the safety of their children because I refuse to part ways with my dogs. We put them outside if anyone comes over - but that is not good enough - they have insisted we get them new homes! for someone that may have come to visit 3 times a year, it was not a reasonable request. If they lived with me and my dogs were causing health concerns, it would be totally different. This battle has gone on for 1 1/2 year and now we dont do any holiday or family get togethers at our house at all - so imagine me hauling food and presents for 20+ people over to someone elses house to accomdate Christmas.
Over Thanksgiving, the SD emailed my brother in law - She was mad that I had her blocked to read my post on FB - because she always assumes anything and everything is a stab at her. She emailed him stating she knew I was not the right person for her father and she couldnt wait until he found his true companion....
I just cant let that go. I am upset at her and upset that my husband, while he is hurt by her actions, refuses to talk to her. He would rather just me stop talking to them and pretent that they dont exist in my eyes - but let him continue on as if nothing has been said or done. I keep trying to talk myself into not letting her hurt me and to stay by the man I love..but I am hurt that he refuses to even talk to her about the things she said to another family member. I dont want a screaming match - I just want him to stand up to his ASD and tell her that I am here to stay, deal with it, accept it, and quit being so petty over stuff. It is causing huge amounts of friction with the entire family and I feel like I am always on guard now...I dont feel like i can be a grandmother or anything else to these children and that hurts. I have bent over backward to include them in our lives and to show them I care. How do you just stand by and watch the person you love not defend you and at least try to mend the damage?