My responsibilities as Dad's Girlfriend

HollyRoseJanuary 23, 2013

Hi Everyone �

I am hoping to get some help with a situation I have. I live with my BF who has parenting time with his children, 14 year old son and 9 year old daughter. His parenting time is Tuesdays, Thursday (every other) and every other weekend (Friday after school through Monday drop off at school). I have lived with my boyfriend for 1.5 years.

When we started living together my BF worked midnights (10:00 p.m. to 6:00 a.m.) and the children would stay with me while sleeping and I would get them up in the morning for school and he would come home pick them up and take them to school (the school is 25 mins from us).

Now, my BF is on first shift (6:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m.) which allows for him to take his son to the bus stop but his daughter does not start school until 8:25 a.m. and latch key opens at 6:30 (his start time). Since the start of the school year I have been driving his daughter. In October, I told my BF that he had to find a different situation and cannot drive his daughter to school as it is not only is it too far (I work 45 min the opposite direction and have to be in by 9:00 a.m.) but she does not listen to me, is down-right hateful.

His ex-wife works days starting at 5:30 a.m. and on the days the children are with her she goes to the next door neighbor who has a daughter at the same school and drives them both to school. I suggested that he speak with the neighbor (or have his ex speak with the neighbor) about dropping her off there on the mornings he has the children. I suggested that he contact latch key to see if they have an alternative. I suggested that he speak with his work.

Overall, nothing has changed. I am anger and we have arguments about his on a consistent basis. I do not feel it should be my responsibility nor should I be put in a situation where I have no alternative but to drive her to school.

Am I wrong in thinking that this is not my responsibility? Am I wrong for being upset that he has not even attempted to look for other means of transportation for his daughter? Please and thank you for any advice you may render.

Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

You are 100% right!

While you have been more than accommodating in helping with his parental responsibilities, these are his and his ex's children, not yours. In a perfect world, all parenting would be done by him and his ex, leaving you to be find your place with them somewhere between a friend and a parent. But life is not perfect and of course in the real world, if you live with him, occasionally you will probably need to "fill-in" in a parental roll. But I think that should be it, filling-in in a pinch. Him and his ex should figure out a plan that does not rely on your help on a daily basis.

My GF of five years and I have always been very aware of this (she has one son, I have daughter and son). Granted, we don't live together, since we didn't want to "blend" families, but when we are all together, we are very aware of who has the parenting responsibility for who. For example, discipline is not to be dished out by the step-parent or BF/ should be the responsibility of the parent. Of course it's easier said than done, and it takes work to figure out how to handle certain situations, but it's the general idea that is important.

He and his ex need to figure this out. Tell them you will be there to help out in a pinch, but they cannot rely on you to do their job on a daily basis.....ESPECIALLY if their girl is not nice to you when you are helping out!

    Bookmark   January 23, 2013 at 1:16PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Thank you for your response. I am happy to say that my BF has arranged to go into work a half hour late on the days he has the children

    Bookmark   January 23, 2013 at 3:54PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

glad the transportation issue was straightened out, and dad stepped up and took care of it. now, about that hateful, disrepectful daughter. if your man doesn't step in and address her nasty behavior on your behalf, she will continue to treat you poorly. dad has to do it, not you. they are his kids, and he has to enforce the rules that you two set up in your house. if he is too weak or guilt ridden to face his kid, you are toast. food for thought should you marry him. if he wants you to do his dirty work with the kids, he has to make that clear to them, as well as to mrs. #1 you have to have equal footing.

    Bookmark   January 26, 2013 at 6:02PM
Sign Up to comment
More Discussions
Half sister/cousin question
This is a little weird...but without a ton of details....
adult step son and his girlfriend lives with us
i just want my privacy. we have never had any. met...
If I could tell mothers of adult stepchildren anything, Part 2
It seems my five-year-old topic has reached its limit...
Can I handle becoming a stepmom one day?
I just turned 36 earlier this month. My boyfriend and...
if I could tell stepmothers of adult children anything
My dad remarried last year, a year after my mother...
© 2015 Houzz Inc. Houzz® The new way to design your home™