My 2nd 'bend' of the day
If some of you remember, SD's mom and SF gave her a cruise for Christmas last year. It was a trip for the whole family, but they wrapped it and packaged it as HER gift. They went over Spring Break, and it did not go well. They expected SD to stay in the room with her sis (then just turned 1) so they could go out and do their thing. She obviously resisted as she had her own thing to do as well. Apparently a lot of fun activities were missed out on because they were all angry with each other.
My thought? It's a family vacation. Don't take your kids if you want fun adult time. You lose the 'right' to an adult vacation if you take your 1 year old along.
Fast forward a few months, SF's family has offered to take the whole family (SF's and his brother's) to Hawaii come January. It's been talked up a lot. Mom emails us saying she doesn't know if SD should go because her grades weren't great (at that time) and besides, she wasn't much fun to have on the cruise and mom needs this to be a fun time so they don't know if they want her to go!!! Can you imagine?? We responded that she needed to separate the grades from the cruise - if she didn't want her there because of the cruise she shouldn't try to hide that behind grades. We hear nothing more about it.
Fast forward to December, and we hear from SD that she wasn't going on the trip because her dad said she can't miss school. We sat her right down at the computer and let her read the email from mom and to mom about the issue, saying nothing of the sort.
I'm so tired of mom making us into the bad guy and lying to her daughter, and SD was none too happy either. For years we've covered for the woman in situations like these, but we are done. SD is almost 14 - she's old enough to know the truth. She's figured it out on her own anyway - all we are really doing is preaching to the choir.
Then bonus upset - SD was at SF's parent's house for Christmas and of course the trip was the #1 topic as SF, mom, sis, step uncle , step uncle's fiancee and step g-parents are all going . . . SD was the only one there who wasn't. Sg-ma actually came up to SD and said "don't be sad - we just didn't have enough money to take you too, we could only afford to take immediate family." OH MY GOD.
SD was standing right next to mom, so mom said . . . NOTHING. Not a d@mn word to defend her daughter and her place in their family. SD went into the bathroom and cried. This all right after mom missed SD's performance because she went to step uncle's engagement party (to a woman she always tells SD she doesn't like because she hasn't made enough effort to get to know mom)and actually said "I'm expected to be there with my family." Because SD is WHAT???
The trip is in a few weeks and SD is getting more and more upset about it. I don't know what to say to make her feel better. The petty side of me wants to just book 5 tickets to Hawaii and take her ourselves, but I know Hawaii isn't the real issue. How do you deal with a daughter who feels like she's not "immediate family" to her own mom?