Do you ever think about leaving?
Because today that feeling is very strong. Being a stepparent is not for the meek. It's hard to remember back to the days that I was actually a strong willed person...I am growing tired of DH's lack of parenting (he just cannot say no and is ignored all the time yet does nothing about it.) I have long grown tired of BM and her alcoholic husband (who made an announcement earlier this month at the dinner table that BM was NOT to get them for the next scheduled visit because she needed to save her money to help pay bills...then he tells the stepchildren that if BM picks them up on this particular weekend he WILL kick her out.)
Total unending drama and everybody walks on eggshells with this woman and her husband...My DH, my stepchildren and even me.
But not so much me anymore. I have been setting back and watching this drama for so long...DH and BM being played back and forth by the kids...The kids "telling on me" to BM every time I try to step up to the plate. And it would be different if I just had responsibility for them EOW or something...but the fact of the matter is that I have been given 90% responsibility for raising these kids...I do EVERYTHING from meals to parent-teacher conferences to driving them to activities to helping with homework and even to driving 12-15 hours a month to "help BM visit her children" because SHE doesn't have much money and can't afford 100% of the travel costs. Both parents have left me with 90% of their care yet NO ONE seems to appreciate it or expect that they should respect me.
I feel used by everyone. Very depressed and highly unappreciated...and I've slowly started to let the little things get to me. The stepchildren tell me that BM serves oatmeal for breakfast and they love it. I think "wow, great idea! milk is expensive." I buy oatmeal and get told how disgusting it is...but it's the same oatmeal with the same honey that BM serves. What gives? I have sunk so far down that even these trivial things will ruin an entire day for me.
Everyone expects the BEST from me and nothing less...and I break my back to do for all of my kids bio AND step...but it's never good enough...so I feel inept. Not up to the task. And that I could give my ALL and it still would not be enough.
I am starting to resent DH AND BM for the position I have been placed in...It's like "raise my kids and do as they ask but understand that it is not your place to hold them to any responsibility." The sad part is that NEITHER of them hold them to any responsibility either...so where are they going to learn responsibility? I've actually considered disengaging and we even tried it once...and I was so much happier. I got to be the good guy that just came in and said "Hey, how was YOUR day?" But that didn't last long.
I may be leaving because I just cannot see a change forthcoming and I cannot keep sinking into depression. After all, I do have 2 biological sons who need me and appreciate me regardless. Maybe I'm just not up to the task? If I do leave I know that I can't say I didn't try...I tried like Hell. Thanks for letting me vent.