Kids angry and fighting?

justmetooJanuary 11, 2010

I'm in hopes that some of the SMs can give me some ideas/solutions on what to do when kids coming together from three different households get to bickering, teaming up against one, ect.

I've got all three kids coming up this next weekend, my 10 year old daughter, my GS8 (he lives between my son and his BM) and GS7 (he lives with my DD28 and her husband) and the 10 year old and 8 year old are angry at the 7 year old and the two don't want the GS7 to come.

Over the holidays I had them all for 'fun' time and special events, but the GS7 did some lying and tricking to get his own way which I was not aware of at the time it was happening. For example: we were going to a movie and kids usually decide on which one together or pull winning choice from a bowl, they view that as 'fair'. This time GS7 said he had already seen movie 'A' so I talked the kids into seeing movie 'B' which none of them had supposedly seen yet.

Turns out GS7 had not seen movie 'A' but had indeed seen movie 'B'. GS7 bragged to DD10 and GS8 on the way home from movies that they sure were fooled by him because he had seen the movie, wanted to see it again and he tricked Grandma because he did not want to see the other movie.

All heck broke out between the kids in the backseat, all trying to out shout the other and I ended up by-passing the pizza joint and taking them all home to eat. Which that in itself only caused more angry howls and now the DD10 and GS8 blame GS7 for not only being unfair in movie choice but also making them miss their favorite pizza.

And it was all for nothing as I would have taken them all to another movie the next day if that's what they wanted to do for fun the second day. We ended up by me selecting bowling and then sledding on day two and they could go or stay home with the hubby. They all came, had fun doing the choices but they still bickered and DD10 and GS8 were best buddies and all but ignored GS7 except to bicker.

I've never had this before, help me out?

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imamommy

I would think that if that happened over the holidays, they are not still holding a grudge unless there is some other reason they don't like GS7. Kids will argue and fight like animals one day and the next, be best friends. When my three were growing up they were close in age & so were all their cousins (currently, the youngest is 17, oldest is 23 and there are 8 of them in that group)

Kids lie. Kids trick. Kids manipulate to get what they want. Kids tease each other over stupid stuff. kids are kids.

I would suggest you forget what happened at the holidays because they probably have. If they haven't, I would be more concerned with whoever is hanging on to that kind of anger. It's kid stuff & should have blown over.

As the adult, I would not tolerate any kids to do what your DD & GS8 did to GS7. (ignoring him) I might have let GS7 know that what he did was unacceptable. It was an opportunity to teach him that it's not very nice and he could have been given a consequence (maybe no treat or have to sit with me for an hour while the others get to play) but I would not have allowed two to gang up and be mean to the third one. And my overused line to the kids when they were growing up: "If you guys can't get along, we are going home NOW" ~and in the car, I would pull over to a safe place and refuse to go until there was no more bickering~ That is a safety issue and I am not going to drive down the road, distracted by fighting kids. But, that's just me.

    Bookmark   January 11, 2010 at 10:18AM
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sweeby

Sounds like playground justice...
I'd leave it alone unless you see signs of trouble. But if the older kids appear to be still shunning the 7 year old, I'd sit all three down for a short talk. In that talk, tell the 7 y.o. that his 'trick' was deceitful and wrong, and that it caused the other kids to be mad at him -- which prevented everyone from having fun. But that this visit, you want everyone to have a good time, the whole time, which will require everyone to behave with integrity and kindness. Ask them individually if they can do that, and if they can, declare the slate 'clean'.

    Bookmark   January 11, 2010 at 10:19AM
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justmetoo

There was a summer years ago when oldest DS and oldest DD were almost 8 and almost 12 that I think those two spent more time sitting along the roadside than actually traveling. It was the summer the son thought he was so much more 'worldly' and 'grown-up' than his little sister.

But with this younger set, it was a first for this behavior and bickering and I had about five miles to go til I could get off the road due to heavy snows that had drifted roadsides and the trucks had not pushed it back yet. There was a story in the newspaper this morning about a set of 9 year old twins who were screaming at their dad , hitting him on the shoulder from the back seat and pulling his hair (and here I thought just verbally shouting was bad from mine) because they wanted him to stop singing. The father drove to the police station and turned the kids in to an understanding officer that spent some time talking to the kids about distracted driving and put the 'lesson' down on the kids level they could understand. I cut the story out, thought I'd share it with my little kiddies so their incident of backseat chaos is not repeated.

When I called to confirm arrangements last night for this weekend I asked to talked to the grandsons (already talked to DD10). We talked about being fair, taking turns, hurting each others feelings, about how we're all family and love each other even when we might get mad at each other over something, how everyone is always welcome even when there might be problems, how it's not like at school where they can choose to not be friends with someone that family are special people in our life that we want to treat fair, with respect , be considerate of blah blah.

Then they all took turns calling each other and not only saying they were sorry but stating exactly what they (each one) had done wrong to each other. Kinda a big hug n makeup session via the cell and they all ended up happily planning their next day/night together, so hopefully things go well and they all learned a bit of a lesson.

I took a bit of what all posted and wrapped it together, thanks.

    Bookmark   January 12, 2010 at 5:26PM
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lonepiper

"The father drove to the police station and turned the kids in to an understanding officer that spent some time talking to the kids about distracted driving and put the 'lesson' down on the kids level they could understand."

Maybe the police officer should have put the "lesson" down on the father's level that he could understand... I guess my knee jerk reaction is what the heck is this father going to do when those twins hit their preteens? I guess he's going to have to make quite a few trips to the local police station so they can help him parent his children!

    Bookmark   April 23, 2010 at 8:36PM
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justmetoo

Fine, if you'd like to discuss some father and his lack of proper parenting skills, I'll post the actual story below... even though the gentleman is nameless and did not post here for your advice or opinion.

Perhaps the xbox kid's call will interest those who wish to judge also--have a regular party and do all the arm chair analysis you please. Heck, maybe all the kids and parents in that town use their police station as the parent/kid go-between, I have no idea, nor care. I don't live there, I merely cut out the article to show the grandkids.

----

Distracted dad drives twin 9-year-old girls to police station
Chicago Sun-Times (IL) - Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Author: Pioneer Press

Twin 9-year-old girls didn't like that their dad was singing in the car -- so they pulled his hair and punched his neck.

And he took them to the police station.

The unnamed dad brought the backseat twins to the Buffalo Grove police department on Jan. 5 to teach them a lesson about distracting the driver, according to a police report.

The girls told a police officer they "shoved" their dad because he had been singing a song, and they wanted him to stop.

The officer provided a lesson, which the police report indicated the daughters "understood."

"The complainant was satisfied with the results," the report said.

In November, Buffalo Grove police handled another odd "teachable" family moment. A 15-year-old boy in the northwest suburb called 911 to report that his parents had taken away his Xbox.

Police talked to that teen and wrote up a report, but he didn't get in trouble. At least not with the police. [end of article]

-----

    Bookmark   April 24, 2010 at 9:35AM
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finedreams

oh my. How crazy. I think if 9-year-olds pull dad's hair and punch his neck and shove him, there is a huge issue at hand. I cannot simply imagine any normally developed child would do anything of the sort.

I do have to agree with lonepiper here that police visits won't help here, something else is going on. Something was probably going on for a long time.

Kid called the police about Xbox etc. Crazy. Who does that?

I think what is going on: parents do terrible parenting job or don't address issues with their children (medical or developmental issues) and then expect schools or legal authorities to fix their children. Shame, really.

But true, justmetto has nothing to do with it.

    Bookmark   April 24, 2010 at 11:08AM
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