we need help

laurenwoodsJanuary 10, 2013

im 30 years old and ive been with my partner who is 45 for just over 6 years we have always had a good strong relationship up untill the last year. my partners son is 14 just, we got on great when we first met then when he hit 8-9 his attitude started to change he used to come to ours every weekend with his sister who is now 16 and it was like he was always fighting for attention good or bad he would bully and hit his sister and he was slowly getting worse his attitude towards me changed for the worse and he would take great pleasure in telling us hed split up his real mothers relationships. Anyway just over a year ago we got a visit from social services basically saying that unless he moved in with us he was going into care as he had told his school that his mother was never home and he had to fend for his self (which we later found out he made the whole thing up) the lead up to this though he had been suspended from school on 3 occasions and caught smoking weed. so he moved in with us the first few months where hard but we just all thought it was getting used to the situation i would help him with his homework help him with problems at school etc but the minute me and his dad where having a laugh he would do something that would cause a row and basically it has spiraled out of control since then. Today in our house the atmosphere is horrible me and him hardly talk i mainly sit in the other room or go out, he plays mind games then totally denies it when i explain it to people it sounds so silly but all of the little things soon build up its like hes slowly picking away at me and yes its causing serious trouble between me and my partner, he does things then gives me this smug look i really dont know what else to do apart from leave this house i dont want to split with my partner but maybe if i take myself away from the situation it wont come to that. my partner is supportive and he knows exactly what hes son is like, no other family members will have him at there houses cos hes the same with everyone, i think he just needs constant attention but just from one person. It seems like there is nothing we can do he doesnt have any friends, doesnt play on his x box basically never leaves our sides unless hes at school so it seems like there is no punishment for his behaviour....if anyone has any ideas

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While your post was brief on real details, my take on what little you did state is this child may not need 'punishment' but rather some deep counseling/therapy. What does the school say about the teens behavior during school hours? His grades and any antisocial behavior and interactions?

My advice would be having an eval (with second and third opinions if necessary) to get at the root of what's going on with this child. Being he's determined to poison not just your's and husband's relationship but everyone (mother, sister, has no friends), my first thoughts is this is not just a child perhaps in rebel but instead and/or also with some serious personality dysfuctions/malfunctions.

    Bookmark   January 10, 2013 at 9:30AM
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He doesnt seem to be having as many problems at the school since hes been with us well as in getting in trouble, his work is scruffy hes behind in reading and writing, when i use to help with his homework and check his books every night his school work did improve but how our relationship is at the moment i dont involve myself with none of that now his dad does it we hardly talk to each other and last time i did check his school journal he had ripped the pages out so i couldnt see if he had homework. We did go to the doctors about him who sent us to counseling well they see just him really then wrote to us saying they dont feel like they needed anymore appointments with him. It might sound far fetched but i do believe he knows what hes doing and can act like a very decent polite child when ever he feels he needs too. I do think he has some kind of issue but nobody seems to want to listen or help us

    Bookmark   January 10, 2013 at 9:51AM
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His dad needs to find a counselor who will not give up; he needs to stay w/it until he finds the right kind of help. This boy is seriously troubled.

Find counseling help for yourself too. Hope you come back and let us know what's happening.

    Bookmark   January 21, 2013 at 12:34AM
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