How does everyone feel about adult sk being in their homw when they are away? this is a sk that has done some dishonest things - like take things from the home and not return them. let me know how others feel. this sk has his own home and job.
SD stayed in our home when we were away. She also takes our things, especially mine. I don't think she steals per se but rather has no boundaries and no concept of privacy.
I hide things when she visits and directly confront her when I know she touched my stuff, it helps somewhat.
Anyone who's a known "borrower", doesn't get to stay in my house unsupervised, whatever their relationship. I would not let my own child stay under those circumstances.
I agree with Colleen. I once came home & my son that didn't live there was inside watching TV... fine, except he brought friends over that I didn't know. I don't like having strangers in my house so that was a boundary violation for me. If any of the kids... mine or not, were borrowers~ they can only be there when we are home. If they don't respect your home & things, they don't need to be there unsupervised.
"... this sk has his own home and job."
Why would there be a reason for the sk to be in your home when there is no one else there?
In my case my ss rummaged through my room and my jewlery was found in his possesion.
Speaking for myself, after my experience I would never allow that to happen again.
In our case SD had to stay in our area while we were gone. BM lives in our area as well, in fact in a walking distance nd logically SD would stay with her, but.... But both SDs refuse to stay at moms (BM and her BF are heavy drinkers, their house is very filthy, and appliances usually do not work or don't work well, BM starts fights etc), so it was either hotel or our house. SO can't say "no" to his kids...
thanks for all the honest responses. wishitwaseasy the reason ss wants to stay in our home is to bring a friend and play with our things such as boat, rtv, dirt bike, snowmobile etc. then wants to come in and use our facility like bar, kitchen, bathroom and whatever he wants. dh cannot say no and thinks it is fine.
Thanks sharicole, I am new to the forum and am really enjoying the conversations here. This forum is helpful in many ways.
This souonds like a repeat of what I just went though I wish you luck.
There are very few people whom I would happily allow to stay in my home while we were not here. Most importantly they do not snoop and they respect others' privacy; if they did stumble across something personal (they were bleeding profusely and started rummaging through bathroom drawers to find a bandage), they would never mention what they had seen. They treat our possessions and home as if it were theirs - they clean up and take reasonable care if using something of ours. If something were to accidentally be damaged, they'd offer to pay to replace it, be it a boat or a fork that they accidentally stuck in the garbage disposal. We'd probably say no, of course, certainly to the fork, and certainly if were something really expensive that insurance would cover - but they'd have made the offer.
Someone who "borrowed" something and never returned it? Honestly, I'd be unhappy about such a person spending the night here even if I were home! I'd have everything that was meaningful and valuable to me (heirlooms and such, regardless of actual cost) put completely away somewhere. As for someone who "borrows" staying when we weren't here, it would get seriously ugly if DH were agreeing with that.
The toughest call, I think, is if one has an honest but ditzy relative who really wanted to stay - if the relative could be trusted but their friends, not necessarily so. It would be really awkward to say that you don't trust someone's friends - but I'd feel awkward before I'd allow my stuff to disappear!
Not only no but hell, no. SD used our home for sexual rendevous, not to mention stealing things from us and causing property damage. No way I'd let her stay there unsupervised.