Update on my DIL saga
I've linked below the original post about my situation with DIL, but it's long.
Long story short.. my DS23 married girl he hardly knew, she got pregnant, he joined Army, she is bi polar w/ likely substance abuse isses... certainly domestic violence issues and while living on base, she was arrested twice & kicked off all bases due to her behavior. Son is now deployed & she lives near me... he wants me to have the baby.. she agreed the first month when SHE got the money... took the baby in the second month when I got the money...
The last month has been up & down with her refusing to let me see him because I had the police do a welfare check on the baby... CPS has been called three times because the baby (10 mos old) has come to me several times with bruises, bumps, scrapes that she has either lied to me about how they got there or can't explain how they got there... many sleepless nights & and an ulcer later...
Yesterday DIL showed up at my work. She had my son's exGF (whom she has been very jealous of & has even gotten into drag out fights with my son over) and was acting as if they are best buds. First thing I noticed is baby has a new bruise on his forehead & scratch on his nose. She announces before I can say a word, that she has no idea how the nose got hurt. I ask what happened to his forehead? She looks at it, gets a puzzled look and says she didn't even notice it. Is she kidding? Everyone in the office saw it from across the room... she is the mother & she has had him in her care & didn't notice it? I call BS. She leaves & my daughter went to her apartment talk to her. She asks my daughter to take the baby so she can go hang out at the mall with my DS's exGF. She brings the baby back while I am contemplating my next move. DH wanted me to call the cops on the bruise. I knew they aren't going to do anything, she'll claim babies fall... no proof she did anything wrong. So, I call the CPS worker that is already investigating the last bruise from New Years Eve. I take baby down to have photos taken & they basically tell me they will talk to her next week & offer services... not too concerned about the bruise... babies his age fall. (I agree, but I tell them that it's her demeanor & lying about it that concern me & make me wonder if there's more danger than what they see) Nothing they can do so I leave.
Well, I talked to my son & he's been saying he does not want the baby with her but there is nothing we can do until I get back his signed consent for guardianship & a declaration from him about what she was like to live with. Legally, my hands are tied.. if she wants the baby I can't do anything about it. (It cost me $240 for my attorney to tell me there's nothing I can do until I can bring guardianship proceedings.. and my son's signed consent will help a lot)
When I got home, I called her & told her that I'm keeping the baby. She said I can't take the baby from her and I said I am keeping him overnight, we can talk in the morning... she agreed.
In the morning, she showed up ready for battle.. full of attitude and said she doesn't appreciate me trying to steal her child & I'm just angry that she is hanging out with DS's exGF. I told her no, I like exGF & don't care if they are now friends.. that I am concerned that DGS is getting hurt & she can't even tell when there is a bruise everyone else can see... either she is lying or not paying enough attention to even notice a huge bruise... and probably wasn't paying attention if he fell. (also, DS said she met a guy that mistreats her & her face was bruised up last week but she claims she fell on the coffee table... I don't buy it but if she wants to be a punching bag, DGS does not have to be one too. Of course, that is only an assumption)
Anyway, I gave her two choices.
1. She can leave DGS in my care the majority of the time (she can take him during the day while I'm at work until 5) and he will be with me the rest of the time. I told her if I see any new unexplainable marks/bruises/cuts/etc. on him, he goes into daycare. I will continue to pay her bills & give her spending money from DS paycheck.
2. She can take DGS because I can't stop her legally.. but that she will need to file for a child support order & pay all her own bills.... and I will continue to have CPS and the police do welfare checks to make sure he's okay.
She cried that it's no choice at all.. that either way she will not have DGS because if she takes him, she will be evicted because the rent is 950 and she's already checked that child support will be around 600.. and if she loses her apartment I will end up with DGS anyway, she accused me of wanting another child so I am trying to take hers, she said she is the mother and why does my son get to decide where DGS can be when they are equal parents with equal rights? I told her they also are equally responsible for supporting him and he's the only one working. What was suggested to her is more time than she spent with him during the month of November and I've had him every two or three days in December.... it's been wearing me down... worrying about him, seeing bruises, bumps, rashes, and there is never any notice when she is going to drop him off. A friend will call her or she gets some money from me (I give her $75 a week on top of paying her bills & providing everything for the baby..formula, diapers, food, clothes & even laundry service~ she brings me his dirty clothes to wash & fold) Seriously, I wanted to HELP her be a good mom to him so he can be with her but she just has too many mental issues. As soon as she gets some cash, she needs me to watch him. (I also suspect she may have a job at an exotic dance club ~ strip joint, based on things she has told my son and her specifically saying she needs me to watch him the same night every week... but again, no proof of that)
Anyway, she took option 1. She kept the baby all day today & dropped him off at 5. Now, we'll see if she sticks to getting him during the days when I am working. She said 7 hours wasn't enough time (I suggested 10am-5pm at first) so then I said she can get him earlier if she wants... and take him on the weekends too. She will see him everyday for most of his waking hours... and I will see him every night to make sure he has no new injuries (instead of me seeing him every few days when she feels like going out and the bruises are a few days old)
Here is a link that might be useful: The long story....