talk me down?
I'm going to be honest here. . . .
Most of you who have been around for a while know the story with my custodial SD15 and her mother. They have a very love/hate relationship that is up and down weekly.
I've always been the stable one. I'm the one she calls her 'real mom'. I'm the one she depends one. I'm also, admittedly, the one who gets annoyed/hurt when she's on one of her "my mother is the best thing ever" kicks (which are soon followed by the "I hate my mother" kicks.)
So I've recently felt really. . . competitive. . . for lack of a better word. To the point where it makes me innerly MAD when she's on a 'mom is great' kick. Mad when she forgives her mom for all the crap she does to her. Mad when she talks about her mom. Maybe even mad that she loves her mom?? Just MAD. I try to keep it inside, but I feel it bubbling over. Is it because I've been the "good" mom for 11 years and I feel unappreciated? (though I know I am) Do I feel like she should love me more because I'm the "good" mom? Do I expect her to just write her mom off because she's a horrible mother? (Knowing this isn't right?) I don't know, but I know it's not right. I don't know how to change it though. I don't know how to change how I'm feeling.
Ugh. It's just a night.