Cohabitation vs marriage

kayjonesDecember 7, 2007

Here is a new thread on whether it's better to live with your lover or marry him/her.

For me, I want neither - I want to have conjugal priveleges and then send him home. I want to be able to call him on the phone, when I'm snuggled beneath the covers, and talk dirty to him! I can't do that if he lives with me, now can I?

I want to bake cookies and invite him (or someone else) over to share them with me - I can't do that if he lives with me, can I?

I think you can see where this is going - Michael has the right idea - love 'em and send 'em on their way! It's not like they won't come back!! LOL

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Tinmantu

I have to say that I don't love 'em and send 'em on their way....I've been in this relationship for almost 3 years now...long distance, but we have probably spent 3 or more months together in that time.....I would never see someone else while I was involved with her or anyone...I don't like having games played on me and I'd never do that to someone....there has to be some kind of commitment of trust or as raoul said, just go buy a whore or use your hand as I suggested.

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 9:49PM
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gneegirl

You got that right - they come back everytime!! If they don't it's because we don't want them to. LOL

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 9:50PM
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kayjones

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' The other replied, 'Yes, I am, I married the wrong man.'

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you.' The husband replied, 'Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.'

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted' . Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.

A husband said to his wife, 'No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine.'

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, 'OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death.'

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 9:52PM
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Tinmantu

"Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience."

Quoted for truth...that's why I will only be married once

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 9:57PM
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Tinmantu

As an aside, I bet this is the most posts in one evening in the HISTORY of TSL....naa, I haven't even broke out the absolute yet...heh

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 10:03PM
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kayjones

LOL, Michael - we are just a great group - so trusting of each other that we can 'talk' - go get your 'absolut' and bring on another rant!

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 10:08PM
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Tinmantu

actually I have moved on Jo...Now I do Crown Royal and Baileys Irish Cream....if I had any Amaretto it would be called a duck fart... I just call it a **** dart

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 10:12PM
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kayjones

Michael, that Crown Royal is what helped kill my husband - be careful with that shixxxxx.

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 11:01PM
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Tinmantu

Don't worry about me Jo....a pint of Crown will last me a month...the tobacco is what is going to kill me. I don't want to live in a rest home so I'm helping the odds.

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 11:30PM
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gneegirl

I told you this was a HOT SUBJECT!!

I guess the WWW is going to get a kick out of all this stuff when it ends up as search selection!! That's OK though. As K-J said, we are a pretty good group - just regular ole folks trying to enjoy life. We have fun, but I really get the sense that all of us are sensible and responsible, WHEN WE WANNA BE!!

To the Single Life!!

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 11:32PM
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gneegirl

Hey Micheal - give up those sticks!! I'll try if you will...

Besides, what's Ava going to say w/o her grandpa!

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 11:36PM
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Tinmantu

A clink of the glass to you gng....I'm still waiting for your rant... :)

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 11:38PM
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Tinmantu

I do think of Ava at times when I light one up...the problem is that when I'm working, I don't think about anything but the task at hand....a weak excuse, I know. Funny thing is I walked away from being a daily pot smoker 15 years ago and never missed it again....but these legal sticks keep me dancing on the marionette strings

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 11:46PM
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gneegirl

I'm all tapped out - besides, I started the new one tonight! It's been a wild right tonight! Three or four threads going at the same time!!

Seriously though - please stop that nasty habit. A very close friend isn't with me today. He stoked at my house - what a rude awakening!! I miss him so much 'cause he was my true bestest friend. So much so, after my DD passed, I would go to the cemetary, even with other members of my family, until he went with me. It was like we were one - there, but not there at all, if you know what I mean. Just like an angel following you - you know they are there but there's no pressure. So, think about that and let's try to quit. My dad did after more than 60 years of it!! The problem with that is that he's one of those reformed smokers that thinks all smokers are horrible!!

Anyway, take it easy - to all of you!

gng

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 11:53PM
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Tinmantu

No bigger hypocrite than an ex smoker....I'll work on it gng...hope you can to....I'm off to the front row to watch a movie...goodnight to all!

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 11:57PM
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kayjones

I quit smoking in March of this year - easy as pie with this medication - check it out and good luck.

Here is a link that might be useful: Chantix FAQ

    Bookmark   December 8, 2007 at 9:28AM
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gneegirl

Thanks K-J. I actually have the Rx but never filled it. I guess I should do that, huh. Did you have any side effects with it? I'm so funny about meds, but my Dr. told me I should be OK.

FYI - I'm tired!! You guys wore me out last nite. I feel like I was out partying all night. Haven't done that in a looooong time! It was fun though.
Thanks Again!

    Bookmark   December 8, 2007 at 12:29PM
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kayjones

Knee, Michael knows me inside and out, and he can testify that I was a dedicated smoker. Actually, my husband, who was a VERY serious smoker, used Chantix and quit, before I did, with no side effects.

I had NO side effects - I am pretty much a virgin drug taker - and after the first three days, had no desire to smoke, that I couldn't shake.

The medication blocks the sensors, in the brain, that are addicted to the drug in cigarettes, so you don't even THINK about not smoking.

Having said all the above, I will tell you that I LOVED smoking, and could start again, in a New York second, if I wanted to. I have a carton of cigarettes and could light up if I chose to do so, but I don't have the need.

My husband died in April, after a six-month battle with cancer, and I didn't smoke during his incredibly hard illness, death and the months after, so I don't see that I will start up again now.

I will reiterate: I adored, worshiped, LOVED cigarettes - with this medication it is a cinch to stop smoking!

    Bookmark   December 8, 2007 at 1:25PM
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Tinmantu

do you have to continue taking it to fight the urge, Jo?

    Bookmark   December 8, 2007 at 1:32PM
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kayjones

No, I took Chantix for the recommended three months, then no longer needed the medication. With the insurance paying a large bit of the cost, it was still $10 copay, but well worth it. I do NOT have the urge to smoke.

    Bookmark   December 8, 2007 at 1:52PM
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gneegirl

Thanks K-J. That is good to know. It's worth a shot too. I'm feeling the affect of smoking and really hate it. Plus, I know too many people that have gone through the CA, etc., and I don't want that at all. People say it's stupid not to stop when you know you are going to get CA, but it used to be very difficult. It still is, but the stupidity is in not taking advantage of the new "help" that's out there now, like Chantix.

Thanks again...

    Bookmark   December 8, 2007 at 9:30PM
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pris

See what happens when you take the weekend off? I missed out on all of this.

cohabitation - no
marriage - no
visitation - maybe

Michael - My brother has only been married once. Three children which he finished raising through High School & college. BUT - he has now been living with someone far longer than he was married. Evidently she doesn't get offended when he tells the world he will never get married again. She introduces herself as his fiance. (Doesn't that assume marriage at some point in time?) I personally think she's in denial. (I introduce her as my SIL just to aggrevate my brother.)

Smoking - gave it up in 1993 cold turkey.. I quit numerous times previously using the patch, hypnosis, will power, nasty gum. You name it, I tried it. I wish chantrix had been around then from what I'm reading here. It took a year to not think about lighting up every 15 minutes. I think that was a psychological milestone though. I started out telling myself that I would do this for a year and if I still had an uncontrollable urge then I would decide to continue or not. The day before the year was up I still had the urge and the day of, it was gone. It does come back on the rare occassion but nothing that can't be controlled. The mind is a mysterious thing. Chantrix sounds like a blessing. Give it a try gng & michael. No matter how you quit it is well worth the effort.

Michael - all quiters are hypocritical - drinkers, smokers, sex fiends, drug addicts. It's the irresistable urge to brag.

By the way. My mother died of lung cancer after smoking 60 of her 74 years. Average life span of a woman in 1990? I'm not really sure but I think she used up most of hers if not all. Most of those years was smoking a product that was not contaminated with man made chemicals. I firmly believe that had a lot to do with the increased cancer rate in todays tobacco products. (still no excuse to muck up you lungs.)

    Bookmark   December 10, 2007 at 2:26PM
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kayjones

I heard a radio show the other day, where the guy was a lung doctor and he said it would take years of smoking to kill a person - the question yet unanswered is HOW MANY.

    Bookmark   December 10, 2007 at 7:32PM
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Tinmantu

Pris, I think your brother has found a keeper if he and her both agree to that kind of situation....I'm holding out hope that my "lady friend" will see my ways of how I have chosen to be and either decide that she can't do that or adapt to my way of having a relationship...and after the last week of not talking, then conversing last night, it was at cold at first, then became a decent conversation.

As far as quitting smoking goes, I still have a ways to go on finally making that decision...I don't do New Years Resolutions so I'm just going to have to finally get fed up with the habit and do it.

    Bookmark   December 11, 2007 at 10:09PM
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kayjones

Well, Michael - I'm happy you two made up. Now, you can at least talk intelligently. Good luck with this relationship!

    Bookmark   December 11, 2007 at 10:25PM
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gneegirl

Thanks Pris!! I've stopped or almost stopped so many times before and really had control over it. But now that I'm thinking about really quitting, I'm getting cold feet. I've heard that people worry about what they will do if they stop - I never had that problem before, but now I'm "chicken". I already know I'll find things to do because when I concentrate on not smoking, I get so much done, rather than smoking one more before getting started on something. That really adds up!! I'm going to give it about 2weeks and then I'll start. During the 2 weeks I'm going to get my head on straight about it. Wish me luck!

Michael, Michael, Michael... I'm so proud of you, and happy for you too. I really hope things really work out for the two of you. I'm sure you can reach a happy medium since the both of you are open to discussing the differences. Lots of folks get along just fine that way. Keep us posted - I know we all are rooting for you, especially since you've invested so much time already. Just take it slow. You already know where she's coming from when she mentions that you don't call, and whatnot. So don't take it to heart.

Eloise - don't see you here tonight, but just wanted to mention, I got a call from the granite folks today wondering if I still wanted to sign the contract. I'm so ready to finish this kitchen I could scream!! I may go with the Brazilian Black anyway - what the heck. I may head back on the FKB and check out some pictures for other colors though.

K-J and jerry - have a good one!!! Oh, and junkyard too! Gee, there are so many of us now that I'm afraid I'm forgeting some of you - hope not!

Oh, BTW, I just spent an hour on the QVC forums reading about all the the "dumbest things yuu've bought" thread. I've never laughed so hard in my life!! I actually lost my breath for a moment. My sister called and I couldn't even talk to her. Talk about FUNNY!!

Take care all!!

gng

    Bookmark   December 11, 2007 at 10:53PM
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junkyardgirl

I'd love to live with someone, as long as he paid his own bills, cooked his own meals, washed his own clothes, mowed the grass, and I could have my own room with my own t.v. because I don't like to sleep in the same bed with anyone (very light sleeper). Other than that, he'd be fine. ;)

    Bookmark   December 12, 2007 at 10:53PM
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junkyardgirl

I have to add that he'd have to agree that we'd only have sex if and when I wanted it. That always seems to be the deal breaker.

    Bookmark   December 12, 2007 at 10:54PM
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gneegirl

Jo, forgot to mention last night, I've heard lung cancer, can be in your system for 12 years before it shows up. I've also read that everyone has cancer cells, but that our diet/nutrition/lifestyles dictate whether the cells become overwhelming enough to show up as what we know as cancer. The one thing - eliminate the sugar!! Cancer cells thrive on sugar!! Oh well, there go all those Christmas cookies!!

    Bookmark   December 12, 2007 at 11:28PM
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junkyardgirl

gneegirl, yes, cancer cells do thrive on sugar, and what do the doctors do when they find out you have cancer? Get you to drink Ensure...have you noticed how much sugar that has? Doctors are getting too rich on cancer, so they don't want to cure it.

I've cut way back on sugar, but I still have my moments when I crave it. It's addictive (I'm not joking) and was banned one time in China as an addictive drug.

Did you know that cirrhosis and liver cancer are not caused by alcohol? They're caused by the sugar in the alcohol. The alcohol makes the sugar ten times as deadly. My grandmother died of liver cancer, and she never drank. The doctor said it was because she was addicted to sweets, and it rotted her liver.

I've cut out a lot of stuff since the last physical I had showed my liver enzymes slightly elevated.

    Bookmark   December 13, 2007 at 9:17AM
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kayjones

Gng, could you post a link to

QVC forums reading about all the the "dumbest things yuu've bought" thread

We could all use a smile this time of year.

    Bookmark   December 13, 2007 at 9:22AM
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pris

gng- If my boss was single I would have to introduce the two of you. I really believe you can almost equal him in "overthinking" everything. Sometimes it takes him so long to make a decision the opportunity vanishes. Just think of all the good pictures you're missing.

Hmmmm sugar & lung cancer. Let me think on that. Yes, I guess Mother could qualify. She didn't do sweets but she sure liked her beer in later years.

Junkyard - I'm with you on all the restrictions to the visits - I have to add one more. All this is at HIS house and he does the cleanup afterwards.

Michael I'm not so sure she agrees. She's just willing to put up with it and being an eternal optimist still thinks she's his fiance. I keep telling him that he can deny it all he wants but in the eyes of the law he's married.

I haven't gotten in the spirit of Christmas yet and may not get there this year. I think I'll just put up some mantel decorations and not do a tree. This way I can have a fire and look at the decorations at the same time while sipping on a little something. I was going to say nog, but nog is a too rich for my blood. Maybe a glass of wine. That and a good book should do the trick. I gave up on hunting for appropriate gifts for my kids a couple of years ago. Just when you think you know what they might like they go and change their taste. I'll get them a gift card or cash and promise to do a chore for them that can be redeemed whenever they want. It was so much easier when they were kids.

As to the time to quit smoking - The time has to be right for YOU. I did not quit when my uncle died of lung cancer and did not quit when my mother died. My reason for quitting may seem strange but I suddenly realized one day that I was the only one in my office smoking and that if I ever wanted to or had to find another job elsewhere it would be really hard to find one that allowed smoking. As it turned out when my boss & co-workers finally realized that I wasn't smoking anymore the "no smoking" signs went up. I'm too much of a control freak to have something like smoking keeping me in a job because it's the last place on earth that still allowed smoking. Told you it was strange. Just shows the time and reason has to be yours and it doesn't have to make sense to anyone but you.

    Bookmark   December 13, 2007 at 1:56PM
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Tinmantu

Pris, my lady friends daughter about had a heart attack when I pointed out since we spent 24 hours together in Colorado, that we were considered legally married by law....common law in the courts is fine with me. If your brothers fiance' has done her part in supporting him spiritually or financially, while he has amassed assets, then the law should treat them as married, IMO. Maybe I'll buy a house for my lady friend across the street and save buying one for her if it doesn't work out.

    Bookmark   December 13, 2007 at 7:45PM
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kayjones

LOL Michael!

    Bookmark   December 13, 2007 at 8:12PM
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pris

Michael - He pretty much treats her in all ways as he would a wife. The improved property is willed to her and the unimproved land will go to his three kids. I'm just not sure what they will do when the time comes. He has two kids that will probably honor his wishes but that third one is pretty selfish. He's not above doing anything to get what he wants. He's my nephew but IMO he's not worth killin'.

Buying your SO that house just might be cheaper in the long run. LOL

    Bookmark   December 14, 2007 at 9:11AM
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gneegirl

Smart idea, Michael!! That's the brightest idea I've heard yet - cheaper than divorce probably!

Regarding Common Law relationships - I'm not sure all states recognize it but I do know that TX does (or did). If you have something , even a valentine's Day, Birthday, or similar card that you can show that emphasises "wife" or "like a wife", you got it. My ex's brother passed a good number of years ago, suddenly. He was in the military and of course they were making sure his property was distributed correctly. He had a live-in girlfriend and they had just had a baby. He has JUST bought her a car - still had paper tags. The military didn't want to, but she has no-where to go with a new baby, so they decided to honor the TX Common Law. His ex-wife (divorce was 10 years prior and didn't involve the girlfriend) found out about it and wiped her out of everything, including a place to stay and the new car! My ex and I ended up taking her in, until she could get on her feet. It is convenient sometimes to cohabitate, but boy, beware of the pitfalls. The girlfriend couldn't even get to the bank account because her name wasn't on it; all of her paychecks were deposited there. She just couldn't prove how much money was hers. OMG, women - wake up and protect ourselves! No offense to the guys, but the courts realy don't have a clue when it comes to fairness for women

Anyway, on to a better topic. K-J, I'm checking for the website but can't find it. I'll post back when I do. If you look on QVC's website and go to the bottom, and click on The Community, you may find it faster than I can. Hope so, anyway 'cause I'm having no luck. But, you will laugh your *** off!

pris - yeah, you're right. I think I'm just burnt out from making so many decisions at the same time - I'm brain dead right now!. NY resolution - only one thing at a time; too old to multi-task!! BTW, your boss would probably get on my nerves! I can't say it at work, but I tell you, nothing gets done if you wait on a man to make a decision. They never want to commit and will negotiate the heck out of something to keep from doing that!!

Great story on smoking!! Thanks...

    Bookmark   December 14, 2007 at 8:54PM
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pris

gng - Tell me about it!! His procrastination always makes a mess of everything. If I'm waiting on a bit of info from him to complete a task, you can bet it won't get done 'til next month earliest. Then he gets mad because it wasn't done on time. Another thing I've noticed about him - He gets mad if you take the initiative and it's wrong and he gets mad if you do nothing. It's a lose lose proposition. The only time you win is when you do it and it's right. Then you never hear a word. So, I would rather be right half the time than all the time. If I do it and it's wrong at least he has something to gripe about. If I do nothing because I'm waiting for him and get my a** chewed at least I can justify getting pi**ed off about it.

    Bookmark   December 17, 2007 at 11:21AM
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gneegirl

Great thinking pris!! With them, you can't win - it's just too simple for them to accept!!

Did anyone find the QVC site - still can't find it. I'm checking with my sister because I told her about it and she may have found it.

    Bookmark   December 17, 2007 at 6:47PM
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Tinmantu

Is this the one?

Here is a link that might be useful: QVC

    Bookmark   December 17, 2007 at 10:34PM
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