Gittin hitched VS shackin' up....

TinmantuDecember 7, 2007

Gng gave me the inspiration to take another thread to the next level.....I'll start....I'm fer shackin' up...I'm not ever getting married agin...next time I'm just going to find a woman I don't like and buy her a house!

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mimi_boo

Very interesting question. My bf keeps mentioning "when we live together" and doesn't mention marriage... so I think since he's been married before, he's not interested in going down taht road again. Can't say as I blame him, but I've never been married and would like that commitment.

After all this time though, I think I just want him.

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 8:34PM
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Tinmantu

Hi Barb....just let him know it means a lot to you...I'm not condemning marriage, just that I have been there and the piece of paper doesn't mean a whole lot in the big picture. Most state laws are binding after only 24 hrs of being together....Colorado is one. ;)

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 8:46PM
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raoulfelder

"Can't say as I blame him, but I've never been married and would like that commitment. After all this time though, I think I just want him."

I love how you come to your senses. Truth is: no one knows that they want that commitment. There is just no way to know. Everyone thinks they are love at one point and that "this person is the one." That notion has always struck me as retarded because the divorce rate (which would be even higher if people didn't stay in marriages because of the obligations of life, like kids, mortgage, et cetera) does not substantiate the idea of there really being a "one" for most people. It is nonsense. I mean, it is sad.

I am in my late 20s now and there clearly is a little competition among the girls to get pregnant and married now. Granted, a woman has a clock to worry about, but still. Those same women who rush into marriage--thinking of this ideal marriage BS--end up in the marriages forum a few clicks away from here. Those women are complaining about everything under the sun. Some are trapped. I can't say I have any sympathy for them, either.

No both ways about it, as a man, marriage is a terrible idea these days. It just is, especially for guys. If you are a guy and lucky enough to have met a girl who is also your best friend, you are lucky. Shack up, get a nice place. A marriage with her has a better shot, just maybe. But, if she wants to be with you, she is going to stay. To hell with the expensive ring, so you can flaunt it to your friends. A relationship where either party and leave at any time has to be much healthier. If you have that situation versus a situation where you have to break a contract, dissolve assets, lose substantial amounts of money, you tell me what is better? Who would want to be stuck with someone. It is a big illusion.

Unless kids are the issue, there is no way it makes sense to get married. If your a guy and you want kids, definitely get married, I guess... But know that this girl could one day clean you out and you'll have to start all over again. You'll likely also have to pay her money that she will spend almost completely exclusively on herself, when she should be using it for the children or spousal support, which is a different form of rape.

A George Clooney existence is the way to go. Be freewheelin' Get that huge flat screen. Buy the BMW. Get a nice place in the city. Sleep with a whore sometimes, it is cheaper and just as expensive as dinner. Hahah. There are a million stories of women who, after a few years, stop putting out. WHAT will you do then? Cheating could bring a nasty divorce.

Lease, don't buy. Like most cars, women don't appreciate!

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 9:04PM
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Tinmantu

Welcome raoulfelder....even though you come across a bit brash, you have good points....My daughter is getting married and with all the expenses that are involved, I've been trying to stress to her that money saved now could make for a very nice down payment on a new home. I guess I'll have to blame the soap opera weddings that every girl dreams of....it's not being a tightwad, it's common sense IMO.

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 9:22PM
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gneegirl

My gosh you guys are fast!! All of this on the new thread already!! I haven't even had a chance to read it all yet!!

gng

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 9:26PM
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Tinmantu

One thing I will add is that women and men both should understand that they aren't a commodity to be used...there should be love involved in a relationship, nobody should EVER be used....if we as men need sexual relief, that's why god gave us a hand...you should use it, my friend.

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 9:30PM
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gneegirl

Way to go Michael - thanks for that!! I guess some men do have nice things to say to stick up for women.

I don't think either gender starts out to be malicious. There is an attraction of some sort. If we could make the most of that, and remembers it throughout the relationship, I think marriage would be a better idea. There are bad relationships - yes, there are. But society needs marriage; people need to be connected. Rejection ways heavy on everyone, hence ugly divorce. But if we took the time to really get to know the person we are marrying, over and above the initial attraction, it could work. Unfortunately, that usually doesn't/can't happen until after the fact. We don't mind the snoring until after we've heard it so long that it becomes annoying. There is still that initial attraction that ignores the snoring. But if we really focused on the snoring along with the attraction, we may find that we would be more accepting when it starts to get on the last nerve.

Oh well - enough prophesizing. I just happen to think marriage is a wonderful institution. I've just been on my own long enough to have lost that notion of sharing that my mamma taught me. I don't want to share anymore; well, if I do, only on my terms. Geesh, that sounds like selfish to me. OMG!!

What I do know though is that after having been through a divorce and witnessed in court for several others, I have cold feet for sure - NEVER want to go through it again (and mine wasn't bad at all!).

One more thing - my ex told me that he married me for life and that because of that, there is no other woman for him than me. He's been in other relationships but the women get tired of hearing him talk about me all the time. He made a vow - a commitment, and no matter that I left, he still believes in our marriage. I feel pretty good about that because he truly is a great guy, and I think he means it. I just wish more people felt that way, instead of the other stuff that makes marriage sound like such an ugly experience.

OK folks - I'm off my soapbox. I'll let someone else stand up.

Have a good one!!

gng

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 10:21PM
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raoulfelder

http://blogcritics.org/archives/2005/12/13/044102.php

Read some of the posts in the link above. I mean, so, so many people live out these bad marriages. And, I have to stress that I love women, but maybe I can let go of the stuff I have read here: http://nomarriage.com/index.shtml

Both men and women end up unhappy. Sad. The hard is finding a member of the opposite sex who is interested in not what society considers a relationship, but what you two make the relationship. I think, at least.

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 10:53PM
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Tinmantu

It's not hard to have a happy relationship if both people have fallen in love and have the same goals in life...unfortunately that doesn't happen often enough....I stayed in an unhappy marriage for the sake of my daughter for 5 years longer than I should have..as you said earlier, when kids are involved, the stakes change...if I were childless and I thought my partner were a fool, I'd leave in New York minute...sometimes it's easier to stay than to deal with the divorce system. I look at marriage as a college... some graduate, some don't...but if you stick around long enough you get an expensive education, regardless.

    Bookmark   December 7, 2007 at 11:13PM
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