Starting Over

StrongMomDecember 19, 2005

Hey everyone,

First of all thanks for being here. I really appreciate this forum.

My divorce was final last week. I was married (not the first time) to this man for 6 years. I was crazy in love with him and in some ways still am. The harder I worked on the marriage, the more I did, the less he did and the more he withdrew emotionally. It was a nightmare of cat and mouse emotional games, and finally he shut down and stayed shut down until the day I kicked him out and he realized it was over. I had to do a lot of soul-searching and really look at why I chose that man, and why I put up with so much abuse for so long. Now I know that by choosing him I was choosing someone who would abuse and abandon me because I was trying to re-create past scenarios, in order to fix them. Realizing that has given me the strength I needed to appreciate, for the first time, being single. And to enjoy working on being me. For the first time in my adult life (I'm 40), I am liking being single. So for those of you who are still hurting, please, there is light at the end of the tunnel -- I promise.

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StrongMom, I can relate - been there, done that - working on the second marriage - no cooperation - very dismal outlook. My motto: when in doubt, DON'T - listen to your gut - it won't lie to you PLUS when someone shows you who they really are, BELIEVE THEM! Thanks for posting.

    Bookmark   December 25, 2005 at 9:14AM
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You know what is really strange, these type of men usually don't have trouble attracting women. What does this say about us? The harder you try the worse it gets, I wonder if you treated them like they are treating you, would they turn around and realize the error of their ways or move on to someone else? Are there clear signs that someone is like this--so if these signs are presented you could run for the hills? Some of these guys are so great in the beginning, you fall for them, then poof--it's like they have a split personality.

    Bookmark   December 27, 2005 at 7:39AM
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"You know what is really strange, these type...usually don't have trouble great in the beginning, you fall for them, then poof--it's like they have a split personality."

Yup. Women, too.

    Bookmark   December 27, 2005 at 10:38AM
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There is a book called Men Who Can't Love. It's well-written and it describes exactly what to look for and why these things happen, why some people become that way. And yes, there are Women Who Can't Love, too. : )
Men Who Can't Love is by Stephen Carter and Julia Sokol and can be bought for about $2 on Amazon.

    Bookmark   December 27, 2005 at 11:07AM
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