Just broke up with boyfriend and want a baby before time runs out

petunia_growDecember 22, 2008

I was married for 14 years and no children from my ex because he had testicular cancer. I met a man I was dating for 2 years but he has 3 girls and a vasectomy. What luck!!!!

I loved him very much but I had to break up with him for the main reason of wanting a bio child and he doesn't have the money to help me with insemination or adoption. I am 42 years old and running out of time, the main reason I am not with my exboyfriend right now.

Do I rush online and try to date someone that wants children or do I do this own my own to get pregnant before it is too late?

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DO it on your own for sure!! If you RUSH and try to find someone then you may end up divorced and having to share your kids. I am 40 almost 41 and have one with ex and am considering a 2nd from a bank. I love kids and hoped to have a few but now I am single and focused on raising my son so am thinking of having one more without a partner. It is VERY hard work alone but VERY much worth it! :)

    Bookmark   December 22, 2008 at 11:49PM
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Have you considered adoption form foster care? It is free and wonderful and you don't have to be married.

    Bookmark   December 23, 2008 at 7:24AM
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I think your best bet would have been to see if your boyfriend could have reversed his vasectomy. But, I have a feeling there's a lot more to that story.

I'm not really understanding why you had to get rid of him if you're just planning on doing this by yourself anyway. Are you considering just blindly sleeping with men you don't know to get pregnant? I would advise against that for a multitude of reasons. You say you want a bio child but then mention adoption, so I'm not really sure what you want or what your options are with your finances. Again, is it out of the question for your boyfriend to reverse his vasectomy? Maybe he doesn't have the money -- but do you? If you're spending the money anyway and you want a bio child and your boyfriend's not a total slacker (he just maybe doesn't make or have as much as you), it may be your best option. Would he have been open to that?

    Bookmark   December 24, 2008 at 1:03AM
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personally i would not have children if i could relive my life and retain what i have learned. if you really want a child ask your self what you expect from being a mother. that's very important and if you want to go ahead, i would get pregnant and not tell the guy. your life will be simpler without the other parent being in the picture.

    Bookmark   December 24, 2008 at 5:39PM
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If you go with a bank for you next child will you let me know how it goes? I tried googling sperm banks in Utah and they don't have any. I am wondering if I need to go out of state for a sperm bank then. I wonder if it is expensive.

    Bookmark   December 28, 2008 at 6:51PM
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If you are in a financial position to support a child, then go to a sperm bank. Do not just get pregnant and not tell the guy. Would you want to be deceived or manipulated into being a parent? I think that would lack integrity and not be an ethical choice--it will also have consequences down the road.

If you desire a particular man to father a child and he is willing, then see an attorney and draw up a contract, so that he will not be held accountable for child support or the financial responsibility of raising a child. Don't deceive or trick anyone into this type of responsibility, if it is something that they do not want. Think about what you will tell the child as they get older. How will you handle that? It is natural for many children to desire to know their biological parent, even if that parent is not in the picture when raising them. Children are human beings, even if not fully developed.

Don't rush in to dating men to find one that wants a child. You could wind up divorced--usually not a happy outcome for children.

Also ask yourself what you expect from being a mother.

    Bookmark   December 29, 2008 at 11:39AM
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Petunia, I know this sound really weird but nowadays you can buy sperm online and have it shipped to your doctor. It is relatively inexpensive(MUCH) less than adoption that is why I was considering it over adoption. I am currently finishing up grad school and would like to wait until I am closer to finishing...maybe about a year. I am almost 41 but not in a great rush as many women have babies well into their late 40s. Of course there is a good possibility that the longer I wait I will change my mind. There are lots of good single mother by choice sites out there if you google they have boards for support etc. I wish you the best! As I said it IS VERY hard raising a child especially alone, but the rewards outweigh the costs by far. I LOVE being a mother and the whole pregnancy experience......ahhhhhh it is all so life changing in a good way. :)

    Bookmark   December 29, 2008 at 3:08PM
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petunia, being a mother has been my greatest joy in life -- and trust me, we have had our challenges. you and i know why you may have trouble in utah but, if you are near salt lake city, go to the women's center at st. mark's hospital. they are rated in the top 10% in the nation, and you should be able to find a specialist there. personally, i would NEVER recommend buying sperm. you need to make sure you get the very best for both you and your child.

you are right about the time -- it is running out. most specialists here and in europe will not do an invitro past age 45. good luck my dear, and let us know what happens.

    Bookmark   February 3, 2009 at 11:09AM
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Thank you everyone for all your great advice. You women are wonderful on this forum.

sayhellonow......you are right St. Mark's Hospital has a great women's center. I need to find out the cost of invitro.

I just get so sad sometimes thinking was I meant not to be a mother????? I sometimes ask myself did GOD plan this for me. My first husband was diagnosed with testicular cancer 2 years after our marriage and then the next man who I loved dearly had a vasectomy. I wonder if this is a sign? But what woman would not want to be a loving mother and experience childbirth and to love this child forever.

    Bookmark   February 3, 2009 at 7:42PM
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I think it is very selfish to bring a child into this world knowing that he or she will not have a father. A child is not a hobby or a status symbol. You will be responsible for it until 18 and I would not advise going at is alone for the sake of the child's emotional well-being. And for God's sake don't run out and make a bad choice and divorce and damage the child that way. If they are a jerk when you meet them they will continue to be after you marry them.

    Bookmark   April 3, 2010 at 2:43PM
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