I dont get it! What happened?

gabrielesgardenDecember 14, 2006

ok, so I start seeing this guy. We both are so infatuated with each other immediately. We start seeing each other for 4 solid weeks. We're both really starting to care about the other. He even told me he he was starting to get attached to me and that scared him. I told him of course it scared me too. The week I was to leave on a trip weird stuff started happening, his truck was stolen, he lost his phone, he didnt show up or call for our last night together, totally out of charactor for him, or atleast the charactor he presented to me. I freaked out, left several phone messages and text messages. I wasn't yelling or angry, but there was an array of emotions and confusion. I finally got a call from him just before i got on the airplane. After a breif talk I thought things were understood and things would be fine but then I tried to stay in touch with him while I was gone through emails and he started acting weird again, saying he had too much on his plate right now and had to think things through. Over the couse of the week the emails started to have a bit of a positive tone in them. 10 days later I came home and I was rather shocked that he didnt call me until mid day the next day. The talk went well, I thought we would see each other but not only did we not see each other but he strung me along, didnt call me, didn't email me, didn't text me. Every couple day I'd ask him if everything was ok and he said no, there is too much going on, said we'll talk soon. Another week went by and I finally got an email from him. I responded and he called me the next morning...and the next evening. We had a great talk. During all of his evasivness he kept telling me he still wanted to see me and cared about me etc. Finally after 3 weeks of not seeing him, we went out on a date. It went well, but then he didn't call for 2 days. By now it's a weekend again, i was half expecting to spend it with him but he made excuses. Said he'd call me later, I called him that night, no answer. It's been a week again with no contact. I have now oficialy written him off. I mean what could I possibly have to say to him now. I'm frustrated with him, my growing feelings have virtually diminished. I have lost my faith in him. I am so baffled that he could give me so many lines of crap and claim his honesty in it all and just dump me like this. We are 45 & 48, it's not like we are young.

I want to know how I can keep trusting when they keep doing crap like this? It's no wonder people have so much baggage.

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flowergazer

Men dont get it,they think it will hurt us less by stringing us along and if they can treat us like crap long enough we will get fed up and go away.It seems they can open up on the phone or e-mail...but face to face they loose the courage to be honest.I am so sorry for your disappointment but maybe in time you will feel lucky .

    Bookmark   December 14, 2006 at 7:30PM
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asolo

flowergazer -- women, too, are somewhat famous for this kind of thing.

gabrielesgarden -- the guy's a flake. Move along. Find a man instead of this teenager. He does it because you let him. You should have cut him off many discourtesies ago. Age is no barrier to bad behavior.

    Bookmark   December 15, 2006 at 11:08PM
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single_2_long

this relationship was just a practice run, use it as a learning experience, move on and stay optimistic about your future dating experiences. you are a stronger woman for it.

asolo is right, women are also to fault for this sort of behavior. you just may find yourself being the dumper instead of the dumpee with the next guy. :)

    Bookmark   December 22, 2006 at 12:20AM
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quirkyquercus

This happens with guys sometimes. I know that I would go through this period of needing some space and quiet time then the relationship would resume shortly after and in high gear. Just give the dude some time to sort things out. I think he'll be back.

    Bookmark   December 25, 2006 at 10:09AM
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asolo

Does happen with both guys and gals. Sometimes expectations become a nuisance and people don't want to respond to that directly so they evade instead. However, still appears to me to be very discourteous given even the short track record described. A bad indicator. I don't keep people like that in my life.

    Bookmark   December 25, 2006 at 11:21AM
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gabrielesgarden

hey, thanks for all your reponses. ~quirky, nice thought, but I seriously doubt it, and anyway, it's too late now, too much time has passed and I already said goodbye. I'm with you ~asolo, as much as it hurt, I really dont need people like that in my life. Hey, atleast I found out that I can still date, that I still do want to date, I was a little concerned there for awhile cuz I hadn't dated since my last relationship ...something like 3 years. ~single2long, I figure this must be my karma, I dumped 2 guys in my past, I guess it's my turn now. Well, it's a new year now, time for new beginnings! Happy New Year everyone!

    Bookmark   December 26, 2006 at 8:43AM
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dtinbna

Sorry....but 4 weeks isnt very long to date before beginning some exclusive relationship. You hardly know the guy...as you have found out. Consider yourself lucky that you didnt invest anymore time on this "infatuation" (your words...not mine)

    Bookmark   April 4, 2007 at 12:43PM
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blacknumber1

He's working for the Mob. Or aliens.

Any you ladies have a single daughter over 18?

    Bookmark   April 4, 2007 at 6:26PM
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asolo

People give lip-service to "honesty" and "openness". However, when it's OUR turn to end it, many of us turn into wimps. Common as nails. I've done it. I've had it done to me. Disappointing but nothing to get excited about. The message is the same. We're not entitled to absolute clarity -- although it would be nice.

Wattaya gonna doo when the hammer drops, argue over it? It's over.

    Bookmark   April 6, 2007 at 8:09PM
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blacknumber1

What do you mean, girls have no problems telling me no or it's over.

    Bookmark   April 6, 2007 at 10:50PM
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asolo

I can understand why that would be the case. Happens more often to trolls than others. Something you should know by now.

    Bookmark   April 6, 2007 at 11:31PM
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blacknumber1

Hey I'm a happy troll. Who wants pudding?

    Bookmark   April 8, 2007 at 5:41PM
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mikie_gw

Sounds like maybe you quickly overwhelmed him. Guys have guy stuff to do and their friends add a lot of remarks and talk pressures on them when they arent doing it suddenly.

    Bookmark   April 9, 2007 at 10:17AM
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Jonesy

If you really want to know if he is interested,.......don't write or call him. If he doesn't contact you, then you know he is not interested. Some people can't tell you they are not interested, they just beat around the bush. I don't know how anyone can get so attached and demanding in 4 weeks.

    Bookmark   April 18, 2007 at 6:39PM
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gabrielesgarden

funny that this thread is still going on. I am so over that guy by now! hahaha...funny how that happens, time heals all.

But, to give you an update on the situation, he did call 4 months later, I did agree to go out to dinner with him, we had a good time but no g-bye kiss, just a hug. He said he wanted to be friends, said he wanted to help me with my kitchen faucet. I said ok, fine, I called him a few days later for the help he offered and he blew me off....then writes another email sying how his son was a problem and his dog died!

sorry, but i'm laughing my a** off by now!

ok, on to the next guy, maybe he'll be better than the last. I'll tell you though, I learned a thing or two from this experience.

    Bookmark   May 1, 2007 at 2:07PM
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coolvt

The writer who suggested that guys are afraid to tell a woman it's over is correct. In my marriage I waited until my ex told me she wanted a divorce. I just couldn't tell her and hurt her.
I went through the same thing in a relationship...just kept stretching it out and putting off what should have been done. I've come to learn that it hurts a woman more by not being direct. They end up going through months of agony rather than an intense, but probably shorter period of "getting over" it.

    Bookmark   August 31, 2007 at 11:03PM
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