guys and lies

gabrielesgardenDecember 26, 2006

ok guys, before you get mad at me, I know it's not specific to guys, we all lie....unfortunately. What I'm referring to is this; I've been looking at some of the singles sites online just for the heck of it, and it seems like all the guys say about themselves is that they are honest. Quite frankly, I dont believe it anymore, and i'm a gullable person! That last guy who just "dumped" me also claimed to be "honest" but the guy couldnt follow through with anything he said. I have learned (I think) that actions speak louder than words, and ya just gotta sit back and watch a person's behavior vs. what they say. Too bad it takes so long to determine if a person is honest or not. My last BF was a liar too. He cheated on me, and you know that obviously cheating and lying go together, you can't have one without the other. And my exhusband....BIGTIME liar!!! I really want to believe everything a guy tells me, but I'm tired of being a fool.

asolo, you really speak your mind on this site, I can't wait to hear what you have to say! :-)

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asolo

"... you really speak your mind on this site..."

I thought that was what everyone did.

I think a mistake that many people make is becoming "emotionally invested" in another person too early. Trust takes time.

The world is full of pretty wonderful people. They outnumber the bad ones 100's to one. They're all around all the time. My advice would be remain open and get on with your life. Someone worthwhile will cross your path. They always do.

    Bookmark   December 26, 2006 at 12:29PM
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simply_sharon

Sadly enough, there are alot of guys out there like that! Don't you just want to run to other way when they say "trust me". I believe that there are probably alot of good guys in the world, but most of them are taken. The guys today, are not like the guys use to be! But, you should not judge all guys by your past relationships. I use to be really gullable to. I'm from a small town where everybody knows everybody, everybody trust everyone. But then you get hurt really bad a couple of times, it makes you not trust to many people. I have a comfort zone. (sound crazy?) I am a very outgoing person, friendly to everyone, never meet a stranger. But nobody crosses over into my comfort zone until I think I can trust them. Kinda like barb wire around the heart. If you believe every guy is bad, you just might be passing up the love of your life! So chill out girl! When you least expect it, my grandma always said! Hang in there! If it's meant to be......

    Bookmark   December 26, 2006 at 2:37PM
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gabrielesgarden

yes I know sharon, that's how it happened the last two times....when I least expected it. :-) I'm not one to go out and look for guys, It was more out of curiosity and boredome taht I started looking at the singles sites on teh internet. That gets boring too though. oh well. Looking forward to spring and summer so I can play in my garden...that will keep me busy and my mind off stuff like "why dont I have a nice guy in my life to love?!"

    Bookmark   December 26, 2006 at 3:52PM
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coolmama

Trying to find a needle in a haystack

    Bookmark   January 12, 2007 at 5:20AM
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junkyardgirl

Thought I'd dredge this one back up.

I've run across this so much that I take everything someone says with a grain of salt, man or woman. If they don't outright lie, they exaggerate or talk around the truth. I'm the kind of person who would rather be told a hurtful truth that a lie. I can forgive a hurt, I cannot forgive a lie. Trust is a hard thing to gain, and harder to regain.

I've also learned to read the signs of someone who is hiding something, and I just get out. I won't waste my time beating around the bush with someone who can't be straight with me.

    Bookmark   December 14, 2007 at 10:52PM
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eclair

I'm the kind of person who would rather be told a hurtful truth that a lie.

Me, too!

There's an old joke that goes:

How do you know when a man is lying?
His lips are moving.

    Bookmark   December 15, 2007 at 8:10AM
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doc8404

Gee Clair - that's a funny one. haha

Wouldn't we all be better off if we (posters to this forum) never typed "guys always. . . " and "girls always . . " do thus and so?

Each one of us can cite far too many examples of A PERSON not being what a) they claim to be or b) what we thought they be.

Gabriele - consider yourself lucky the old BF selected himself out of your life. To use most single websites effectively, just consider them another way to meet someone new. You still need to evaluate each man personally - on the phone, face to face, etc. to learn about him. Most folks are terrible at describing themselves online. Email and online profiles can't possibly give you all the clues you need to make a good decision. I don't trust either the glowing descriptions of a person or the "I'm no one special, just a average girl" type of profiles. We each are unique.

Most are uniquely good - some, not so much.

Doc

    Bookmark   December 15, 2007 at 9:01AM
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kayjones

LOL, the singles site I belong to is entertaining - everyone on there portrays that they are:

educaded
smart
looking for someone 20 years younger than me
prefer that you are blonde and tall with big boobs
the list goes on and on

First off, you won't get far with most women if you can't SPELL!

We all think we are smart!

If you are looking for someone 20 years younger, you might want to look at your local junior college.

Tall blondes with big boobs can be found, but they won't want anything to do with the average person!

The site I am on has doctors, lawyers, men with PhD's - I wonder what's wrong with them? HHHmmmmmmmm!!!!

The bottom line is this - if you were 'all that' you wouldn't need to go to a singles site to find a date!

    Bookmark   December 15, 2007 at 9:19AM
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mimi_boo

How timely to read this thread this morning. I'm dealing with that very issue right now.

Can't wait to see how he explains this one to me...Has a tendency to clam up and not say a word.

Looks like the beginning of the end to me.

How sad.

    Bookmark   December 15, 2007 at 9:35AM
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kayjones

Mimi, I'm sorry that you are going through this rough time. I believe people learn, after lying over and over, that you only need to say what will appease the other person - not the whole truth.

I can't help but think of the little boy who asked his dad where he came from. The dad took a deep breath and started the story of the birds and bees, etc. At the end of the biology lesson, the little boy said, "thanks, dad - Tommy's dad said he came from Cleveland!"

I believe that you can't play a game unless you lay all the rules out from the start and abide by them - same with a relationship - if some of the components are missing, you can't win in a relationship, either!

    Bookmark   December 15, 2007 at 9:47AM
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Tinmantu

Guys DON'T LIE!!!.....btw, sorry I wasn't here for my rant last night, I had a date with Britney Spears.

    Bookmark   December 15, 2007 at 3:28PM
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Tinmantu

All jokes aside....I'm sorry that you're having to possibly deal with this Barb...as I recall, you guys have been together for quite some time.

    Bookmark   December 15, 2007 at 3:31PM
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junkyardgirl

I don't like overgeneralization either. For instance, when a man says "All women want is your money." I could care less about money. Of course, I want someone who has a stable income, but it doesn't have to be a great income. I just prefer, after experience with the opposite, someone who can take care of himself. I got stuck with a grown baby for 4 years, and I got so sick of having to be the adult in the relationship. There toward the end, I got mad one night and told him I did not know how he had lived this long, being as ignorant of life as he was.

I need someone who doesn't need me. I know, that sounds strange, but I don't like clingy men at all.

    Bookmark   December 15, 2007 at 8:38PM
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