Fast Turn Offs

GardenGhostNovember 4, 2003

I'm new here, thanks to Kayjones inviting me over. So if ya'll have covered this question before, indulge me, please? But what are some of the quick turn offs your date displays that lets you know it's the first AND last date?

I generally can tell within the first few minutes of meeting someone whether or not the relationship will ever go anywhere. There are some real "mood busters". Some of the quick turn offs for me are:

Smoking, chewing, or dipping - YUCK!!! Ok, smoking I can tolerate. I can get past that temporarily. But for the long run, I don't think I coudl live with a smoker again, since I have quit myself. But I can't kiss anyone with a wad in his mouth!

No sense of humor. I love to laugh. Just about everything I say is with a smile.

Dissing the Ex. If he's dissing her, I'll probably be the next one he disses. He should REALLY be over the resentment before he goes looking for me.

Sloppy appearance for the first date. For the first few dates, I expect him to show up looking halfway decent. Tshirt and blue jeans are fine, but they should be clean and neat. I think how he dresses shows whether or not he has respect for me. Am I being too picky?

Going Dutch. Yep, I believe the man pays for dinner and drinks. It doesn't have to be anything expensive, but if he comes courting me, it's gonna cost him. LOL

Not opening doors. I watch my brother anytime a woman is around, whether his girlfriend, our mother, me, or a complete stranger. He ALWAYS opens the door for the fairer sex. I think men should. Why not? It's really a simple act that shows respect. And as Aretha Franklin sang, all we really want is R E S P E C T.

Ok, that's some of my pet peeves. What are yours? And by the way, are ya'll sure you're ready for me to join your group? LOL


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Welcome to the board, Casper....glad you found us.....I hope you stick around...that Kay is good at stirring the pot..heh

    Bookmark   November 5, 2003 at 1:02AM
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Hey Tinmantu, thanks for the welcome. I just bet I can help that Kay stir the pot, so ya'll better get ready. As they say, here comes Trouble! LOL


    Bookmark   November 5, 2003 at 8:00AM
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Carrie B

Hi Casper,

I totally agree that dissing the ex is a really, really bad sign. Also, dissing women in general is bad, implying that I'm different from "most" women and therefore OK.

Another turn off is if he's more than five or ten minutes late to the date. That's a bad omen, potentially. But I'll give him another chance on that one.

Also, if he's rude or impatient with wait staff that's definitely bad news. Poor tipping is a potential warning sign to me as well.

You and I have different feelings about who pays and the importance of door opening. But I think there's room for difference here, as long as we find partners who think the way we do.


    Bookmark   November 5, 2003 at 9:12AM
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Hi y'all,

Glad to see some more activity here!!

The two biggest turn offs for me are poor personal hygiene (i.e. B.O.) and arrogance. Confidence is one thing, but some guys really need to tone it down. Is it a testosterone thing or are they just trying to impress us??

On the flip side, the biggest turn ons (for me anyway) are a sense of humor (casual and easy-going, not too dry or slapstick) and a warm smile.


    Bookmark   November 5, 2003 at 2:01PM
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I always hold the door for someone, male or was just a manners thing that was taught to me at an early age..I don't step in, but if I'm there, it's not uncommon to let 2 or 3 past if they are right behind me...I consider it rude to step in and the door swings shut when a person is a step behind me...I'm weird, I guess

    Bookmark   November 5, 2003 at 2:09PM
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Carrie B


I agree that it is polite to hold the door open for others. I will run ahead of a woman (or man) with a baby stoller, full hands, or a person in a wheelchair or with crutches. I will also often hold the door for a string of people. It's the gender specificity that I object to. That a man should always open the door for a woman because he's a man and she's a woman.

I always go around to the passenger side first and unlock and open the door when I'm with someone and we're getting into my car (that is, if I'm driving). My exboyfriend felt uncomfortable with the door opening part. He didn't mind that I unlocked it, just didn't like me opening for him. So, I stopped opening for him. (we didn't break up over this, but it did turn out that he had rigid gender-role rules that did contribute to the break up.

    Bookmark   November 5, 2003 at 2:30PM
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No, Tinmantu, you are not wierd. You are very much like my brother. He is very polite and respectful to all people and he opens doors for everyone. I do the same thing.

When I first started dating Robby, many moons ago, we were going into a restaurant. He was in front of me and opened the door to the restaurant. I heard a noise and looked back, but I kept walking and ran right into the CLOSED door! He didn't keep it open for me! He died laughing from the other side of the door, with greasy nose print on the glass. LOL

I think it's just thoughtful and respectful to open doors for each other--a simple act of common courtesy. And it takes very little effort.

Tardiness is a bad sign too. I'm always punctual and I hate having a date or meeting with someone and they're late. I have a friend who is constantly late for our lunch dates, so I rarely go to lunch with her anymore. I arrive on time and she's 30 minutes late.

Did I mention phones? Mobile phones are good--for emergencies. But I hate to be out with someone and they're talking on the phone instead of being with me. It's just annoying. When I was growing up, if we had company and the phone rang, Mom would answer the phone. But she'd tell the other party, "I have company right now. Let me call you back later." Then she'd visit with her company and return the call when company had left.

Tinmantu, and you other guys out there, what are turn offs for you when dating? Clue us gals in on some do's and don'ts.


    Bookmark   November 5, 2003 at 2:34PM
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I am perfectly capable of opening my own car doors, and am as apt to open doors for HIM as he is for me. My BIGGEST turnoff is slaughtering the English language! It's better if he nods his head alot as to insult my understanding of language.

Dirty finger nails: I don't care what he did last night - tonight I want him to respect me enough to clean his hands.

Bad body odor - If he doesn't smell like something from Gorgio or equally as provocative, then I will be offended.

    Bookmark   November 5, 2003 at 4:39PM
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I have lots of time to think, so thought of some more turn-offs for me:
Answering the phone "Jello"!-(You really think that's CUTE?)
Un-creative (do you think I am willing to suggest everything we do - don't think so!)
Un-courageous (you want ME to kill that spider - don't think so!)

    Bookmark   November 5, 2003 at 6:20PM
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Dirty fingernails, Kay? Oooh, I dont' mind dirty fingernails. I'm a gardener by trade. Mine are always dirty. I begin the day with gloves on, but within 15 minutes, you'll find the gloves tossed to the side somewhere and my hands black with dirt. If he has dirty fingernails, it would mean he is gardening alongside me. Bring on those dirty nails!! Nothing could be sexier! LOL


    Bookmark   November 5, 2003 at 6:54PM
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The main turnoff for me is talking too much about past relationships.....granted, I want to know all about the person I am with and I want her to know all about me, but I don't want to hear how " we used to go here" and "we used to do that" numerous times....As long as she can think for herself and has self confidence, I really don't even consider making a list of turnoffs.....maybe some will come to me, but I am drawing a blank, honestly

    Bookmark   November 6, 2003 at 5:30PM
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LOL!... here I go.

I hate tattoos on a woman. It is not the sight but the "what were you thinking" factor that gets me. Very pretty young lady I work with just got huge cartoons on her upper back... I see laser surgery in her future.

Don't ever treat a waitress or other working person as less then a sensitive human being. If there is a real problem with the service we can leave or I will speak to a manager. Scold a waitress for fun and I might leave you to find your own way home.

Acting like we should live in a soap opera world does nothing for me. I'm not secretly attempting to break up Ashley and Paul so that Paul can date Linda there by ruining your chance to see Linda marry Allen. If you want to play soap opera I have no problem dressing up and taking you to the opera (okay after sleeping with your sister and your mother but you have to set that part up).

Dissing your ex is bad and dissing my ex is worse. I've stayed on speaking terms with every real relationship I've ever had. Just because the relationship is over does not mean that I no longer respect that person.

Suppose respect is the bottom line. Without respect there can be no relationship.

: )

see why I'm single

    Bookmark   June 1, 2004 at 1:22AM
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I'm certain I can think of several to add to this list, but the first few that come to mind are a) refusing to introduce me to friends that may approach us on a date (especially if it leads to a lengthy conversation), b) ordering something to eat/drink and not *remembering* to ask if I want something and c) oggling over other women (especially their breasts)!!! Most of the things that I consider turn offs are, of course, negotiable. If I find a super person, I am much more likely to adjust my scale a bit. My current boyfriend doesn't eat with the best manners (a typical BIG turn off), but I've learned to ignore it and offer him a napkin whenever the food slinging gets too out of hand. Least he doesn't talk with his mouth full - it's just how the food gets there that amazes me. Yikes. But he's such a wonderful person .....
And sorry kayjones - I KNOW I'm slaughtering the written language! My mom is an english teacher. Hopefully I converse better verbally than I do on email and this type of messaging. My mom believes email will bring death to the written word. Probably right.

    Bookmark   June 1, 2004 at 9:04AM
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Great question!

Talking only about himself the whole time with no interest in me (what am I, a prop?) Not listening to my preferences is a HUGE turn off. If I say, "No," don't keep begging or ignore me and do it anyway. (BTW, I'm not talking about sex here.)

Talking about your six cars, three homes, two airplanes, and property in another country (YAWN!). (See "talks only about himself" above.) Talking about the woman you haven't yet gotten over whose engagement ring is still home in the drawer.


    Bookmark   June 3, 2004 at 2:52PM
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