This is it - divorce is final on Wednesday

puddlejumperNovember 24, 2003

Wow, I went from being married 23 years to divorced in just under 4 months. It's funny how things change. When we first separated I was in shock and so devastated. Now it's months later and I can't say that I'm elated, but life does go on. There have been so many changes, good, bad, and indifferent.

The best thing - feeling free from having to compensate for his underfunctioning and especially excited over the changes I'm planning for my life.

The worst - oddly enough it wasn't losing my beloved. It was having to give my girls to him (lab and english setter) and having to put my house up for sale.

The change that feels the weirdest - having to change my last name after 23 years. I elected to use a favorite family name and did not go back to my maiden name.

Just thought I'd share this with you all.

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Congrats, puddlejumper....look at this as just growing every day as we all the time, it felt like things would never be right again, then as the divorce got closer to being final, I looked at the focus as being a new beginning and moved on with more knowledge in life and knowing more of what I want out of life.
Does your state require you to change your last name at the time of divorce?, my ex kept my last name until she remarried. She could have changed it, I'm sure, but was just curious if you chose to or if you were required to.

    Bookmark   November 24, 2003 at 9:42PM
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Carrie B

Congratulations to you. Are you doing anything particular to celebrate? I think it would be a fine time to get a friend (or two or three) to go out for the evening.

    Bookmark   November 24, 2003 at 10:05PM
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WoooooHOOOO! Here is another happy gal - free at last to mend and renew - how wonderful for you Puddlejumper!!! They say when life gives you lemons, make lemonade, but in a relationship, sometimes you just can't make that lemonade palletable, and it becomes necessary to 'dump' it. I am always encouraged and thrilled to see someone muster the courage to move forward with their lives. I expect you will be truely blessed with many new experiences - today is the first day of the rest of your life. Live your life - sing as though no one is listening - dance as though no one is watching - love as though you've never been hurt before, and live as though heaven is right here on earth! Now that you have taken this giant step, remember: you are braver than you believe, stronger than you realize, and smarter than you think. Happiness is trusting in yourself and your courage to take steps and grow forward - ONWARD HO!

    Bookmark   November 25, 2003 at 8:17AM
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Puddlejumper, I just wanted to bring this to the top, in hopes you would post how you are doing since your divorce became final. I hope all is going well for you - we all care about you.

    Bookmark   December 1, 2003 at 4:00PM
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Thanks for the support! I don't know how I'm doing. In some ways better than expected but in others . . .

The oddest thing - I finally got angry. I'm so angry at all the injustices, lies, and betrayals. Tomorrow I plan to borrow a punching bag (literally) and have a go at it. I don't want to start fighting with the ex, but I need to do something physical to release this energy.

On a positive note: on Monday I'm going to order course catalogs from potential universities. The catalogs will sit on my coffee table and serve as motivation for an important goal: I'm either going to take the LSAT and apply to a few law schools or go for a masters in Accounting/Finance. Something that will forever free me from economic dependence on another human.

If accumlating money was a goal, I'd skip law school. There are too many lawyers; actually there are too many sleazy lawyers. I'm idealistic and would want to concentrate on children's or geriatric advocacy. There's not much money there, but lots of personal satisfaction.

I started to list my personal goals here, but wouldn't that make a great new thread? Well, I'd better get it started!

    Bookmark   December 5, 2003 at 12:07AM
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Puddlejumper, it seems as if you are following the 'separation' steps right on schedule. These steps are: denial, bargaining, depression, anger, acceptance, closure, moving on. Having 'been there,done that', I can empathize with you - each step is tough, but you can't help but grow as you go thru them.

I have to say that I am impressed with the fact that you are able to move on and set personal goals in such a short period of time. I have no idea how long you have been separated from your loved one, but you are to be commended for not 'hanging on to the past' and being mature enough to set goals - CONGRATULATIONS! Please continue to keep us informed of your progress.

    Bookmark   December 5, 2003 at 8:50AM
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Ms. Puddlejumper, it's been a while since that divorce was final - are you doing ok? Post and let us know what's happening and changing in your life, PLEASE?

    Bookmark   December 10, 2003 at 7:04PM
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Hi Kay,

I'll check in on Saturday and post an update. I'm good, I'm dead tired, and I should go workout. But, the sofa is looking awfully inviting and I'm sooo sleepy.

    Bookmark   December 10, 2003 at 8:07PM
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Rest while you have the chance - the holidays can be hectic for some folks - not me, however - don't fret over them much. I will look forward to hearing what you have to tell us on Saturday - anticipating GOOD progress!

    Bookmark   December 10, 2003 at 8:36PM
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Kayjones: I've gone through denial and bargaining, right now, I'm on depression and abject fear.

    Bookmark   November 1, 2005 at 3:27PM
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I think you're allowed to go back and forth between the various stages, lol. Cheerful, in order to move from stage to stage, you have to have ACTION. I'm a firm believer in action as therapy. Puddlejumper is on the right road to healing, she's making plans to change her life. I think there will still be rough times, but unless you get angry, allow yourself to feel the pain and get angry about it, well, it's just going to fester and will never get better, ever. But if you stay angry and don't get a plan for moving forward, then you'll stay in that stage too. Hapiness, IMHO, stems from taking positive action, even if it is just taking a shower and doing the laundry. Reward yourself for the baby steps!

    Bookmark   December 12, 2005 at 10:33PM
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More than half of the population is now divorced and we all have to go through the situation by ourselves, re-inventing the wheel- I think there should be some kind of formal group thing, kind of like a graduation ceremony or a mass orientation so we could see that it's not so bad and that we are not all alone through the process.

Also - we should receive congratulations and
support from our friends and family, presents and a cake, like all the other milestones of our lives! (Maybe a few nice cards with money in them would be okay, too!)

Back on a serious note: don't forget to check in with your nearest university to see if they have a Career Center. You can find good jobs or learn what training/education will serve you best if you have been out of the job market for a while.

    Bookmark   December 19, 2005 at 1:23PM
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