grossness of match-dot-com

joulesR4meNovember 13, 2004

Well, my bf of one+ year and I just split. Long story, and probably "B-O-A-R-I-N-G". I'm FAR from even wanting to date, but I'm at work and a bit bored myself so I took a few minutes to look at a website suggested by a co-worker. match dot com. Gross. I typed in woman looking for man between the ages of 35 and 45 (I'm 40). Humph. Out of about 100 guys that met the search category, only a slight handful were interested in dating anyone over 37. The guys who were in their 40's mostly listed ages to date between 18 and 35. So, they're considering dating a girl 20 years younger to one that is, say 1 year older. What's that all about? It really turns my stomach. I know some people say they've had results with internet dating, but I'm not gonna weed through so many loosers (IMO) to find one that might be happy with an "older woman". Talk about self-deprecating.

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kayjones

This exact issue has been discussed on this forum in the recent past - ya, it pisses me off too, but when you consider that MOST men place their self-worth and esteem between their belly button and their hinny, it's not such a mystery.

After a girl reaches 40, she becomes a woman, no longer whiny and naive - she has the male species figured out - no more surprises for her. The pre-40 woman is still able to 'act' surprised, awed, and thrilled by a little 4" piece of saggy skin turning into a little 6" piece of skin - LOL - she isn't REALLY impressed, but can still keep a straight face while saying she IS!

We older gals say 'is that all you've got'? We then proceed to grin at him and say 'sorry, I'm just not impressed'. A 40'ish gal needs some REAL MEAT in her relationships, and MOST guys just don't have what we require, so they don't want to 'deal' with us.

That's the beans, kiddo - get used to it or stay alone.

    Bookmark   November 13, 2004 at 6:51PM
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joulesR4me

So, I guess it's hopeless. Well, never thought of that. Might as well have my tubes tied, my left ring finger cut off and stop worrying about that single car garage. One thing for sure, won't find me weeding through the freaks in the dating forums. Not enough time in a day. I might be boring to someone who can't pay his way into a movie theater, but I know I've got something to offer someone - maybe my dogs will be the only ones to benefit!

    Bookmark   November 13, 2004 at 7:43PM
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kayjones

Believe me, I know the feeling - but still have to believe there is someone for everyone. I have to believe this, because I see some real freaky-looking guys with some nice-looking ladies - they must have SOMETHING. Don't give up, just keep sifting - he's out there!

    Bookmark   November 14, 2004 at 12:31AM
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bunnyman

Am I reading to much into this or are you ladies upset with men?

    Bookmark   November 14, 2004 at 11:53AM
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kayjones

Oh, HEAVENS NO - we LOVE men - but just the INTELLIGENT ones - those that can appreciate a woman for her TRUE value - not just her age, physique, boob size - you know, the usual ruler by which men judge their choice in women - men who finally are mature enough to realize that all men have virtually the same size 'equipment', and their real value lies in their brain size, and knowing how to use it.

    Bookmark   November 14, 2004 at 12:14PM
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centralcacyclist

Personally, I think most men do appreciate women with brains and good character but it never hurts to "put a little paint on the barn!"

    Bookmark   November 14, 2004 at 1:10PM
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Wings2W

I'm much out of this dating thing so probably shouldn't be positing but my typical Aries wins.

I looked at some of the Internet ads on Yahoo within my age/area. One man I recognized and obviously a liar. He also wanted to meet someone 15 yrs younger (tops). Is this insecurity? Several men were quite attractive and several pretty women. If it's all looks why would these types even have a need for the Internet? One resembled my late finance so much I just sat and stared at his picture.

All takes time. We live in a fast paced, self absorbed world. It's not supposed to be (IMHO) all about ME. In a relationship two people are supposed to compliment each other. It's not 50-50. Sometimes we women have to be the 200% givers but the role DOES reverse.

My best male friend looked up his HS sweetheart on the Internet. They're now married. :) I met my late fiancee in a chatroom. Totally NO expectations. Just a fun, interesting person that made me laugh. "No baggage?" Absolutely not. Everyone has "baggage" whether we're admitting it or not. Months later we found ourselves in a very different place. Good things do take time.

Good advice Barnmom! Let's not forget the inside of the barn too.

Wing

    Bookmark   November 14, 2004 at 2:07PM
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centralcacyclist

I know a man with a singles profile on a popular site. He is a very attractive man who is 52 or 53 if the age he told me the first time is true. (He has given me several ages in the few months I have known him.) He could easily pass for much younger. He has his age posted as 48. I also happen to know that his entire existence is smoke and mirrors. He does a long dog and pony show telling who he wants you to think he is and what he may even believe about himself. But actions tell the real truth and I've seen the real man behind the curtain and he is a cad and a womanizer and a liar. He drives a very nice car and has a house full of valuable memorabilia but he is always broke. If his behavior is pointed out to him as inappropriate or less than gentlemanly, he is quick to go on the offensive and tries to make the other person into the one with the problem.

His ad produces a parade of women through his bedroom. I asked him once how he dated with no money. He smiled a sly smile and said he invites them all over for dinner which he makes for the two of them. He pointed out that he can make a nice steak dinner for about 15 dollars. He also said they always ask what they can bring and he tells them to bring a nice bottle of wine. I commented that he sticks them with the expensive item. He smiled another sly smile.

He claims to want one woman in his life but he does a great job of keeping people at arm's length. He is about as deep as a dinner plate and very controlling.

No, I have no romantic connection to this man, he is a business associate. He is extremely handsome and I am leary of really handsome, smooth talking men so I backed away in a hurry. It all comes too easily for this type. He has also badgered me for money loans repeatedly. (Do you see any turnip trucks in the area?)

There are all kinds of people out there. Unless we WANT to be fooled, most of us of adult age have good sense about other human beings.

    Bookmark   November 14, 2004 at 2:46PM
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joulesR4me

Bunnyman - I am no way upset with men... just the loosers that I noticed on that particular website. I though it was really gross that they all were so interested in girls MUCH MUCH too young for them. Really, a 40+ guy who wouldn't even take an email interest in a woman of 39. That stinks. I hope it doesn't change my mind in the future, if I should meet a guy I'm attracted to and within the *neighborhood* of my own age, and think that he'd NEVER be interested in an girl MY age???
I had been dating a really super guy for a year - didn't have any money, status, career, etc, but a kind person with more compassion that I've known. And, I'll say substantially younger ... Unfortunately, he didn't have any stability either and that made him very insecure around me. No matter how many times I expressed that those *material* things didn't matter to me, it was too difficult for him. Although, I did hate that he often though our relationship wasn't exciting enough - didn't do enough social stuff, and he had absolutely no $$$ to contribute. Guess some things did get old - like paying for everything ... I'll hold that thought so my tears will dry for the evening.
Sorry if you thought I was bitter - I'm not. Just like I said though, reviewing that site was self-deprecating, and I sort of resent that.

    Bookmark   November 14, 2004 at 7:30PM
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bunnyman

Looking for someone special is rough on the ego sometimes.

: )

    Bookmark   November 14, 2004 at 11:47PM
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kayjones

That's the whole point - don't 'look' for your special someone - just be yourself, get out and among people, and lo and behold, as if by God's will - it happens.

    Bookmark   November 15, 2004 at 6:20PM
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Carrie B

Just have to say that Internet Dating, Match.com, and men in general are not all bad. I met my sweetheart online slightly over one year ago, and we're going strong.

Of course, he was one of FOURTEEN men I met on the internet, but, they say nothing good comes easy. So, I had to meet some men who didn't end up being the men of by dreams. No big deal. And a lot more men emailed me who I didn't respond to, many of them much older. I took it as flattering and moved on.

If there's anyone out there who is interested in really giving Internet dating a shot (and I understand that it is not for everyone) and wants some honest advice, I'm happy to give it.

    Bookmark   November 16, 2004 at 10:44AM
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janet_ks

Carrie -- Glad to hear things are still going strong!!

I also met my sweetie on Match.com and we're closing in on a two year anniversary. Carrie only had to go through 14 before she found Mr. Right -- I wish I was that lucky.....it took me 40 or 50 before I found the right one!! A couple of things you need to understand upfront is there is a wide variety of people there and it may take a lot of time and effort to find the right person (i.e. weeding out the losers to get to the good ones). I was 40 when I met him and had been out of the dating scene for several years. Personally, I think it was worth it and have no regrets.

    Bookmark   November 17, 2004 at 10:06AM
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berain

I don't have a successful internet dating website story - but an internet story none-the-less... My current guy found me through my Yahoo profile... we've been communicating for over 2 years and although we live in different areas of the country - I couldn't have asked for a nicer guy.

And yes, it took me several tries to have Rich fall into my lap!

I don't think it's any different than going to a bar (which I don't do) or meeting people anywhere else. There are losers everywhere - and winners too...

Let's hope we all find winners.

Barbara

    Bookmark   November 17, 2004 at 10:26AM
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emevah_gmail_com

this may not seem relavent, but i'm a 21 year old guy and the only people i find are women interested in white guys. i'm south indian of racial stock but manhatten born, i can't have a race change. some of you complain about men not being interested in you because of your age, well i don't know about that, and importantly i'm sure when you were younger and of this 'ideal' age you probably had no problem with getting men. well i'm 21 years old, 22 in a month and im just about to complete 4 years of college and have to meet a single girl who was interested in me.
yes i'm a virgin, yes i've never kissed anyone, yes i'm indian. i'm unattractive at all ages, and i can't do anything about it. my psychologist tells me to go on match.com to find someone because apparently all of my predominantly white school is interested in white guys, lo and behold all of match.com is interested in white guys. i don't know what to do. i'm not wanted in real life and the virtual world.

    Bookmark   January 17, 2007 at 4:37AM
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waveyoga

Question---are you looking around for a woman from of South Indian descent ?? Or only white women??

    Bookmark   January 17, 2007 at 10:37AM
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mimi_boo

emevah - I find that interesting because I'm attracted to men of all backgrounds. I'm currently dating an Asian man and we joke around that we're so different looking together. I'm a very fair skinned (English decent) woman. Perhaps women (or girls) your age are just too immature to see the qualities that really matter.

Don't give up.

Barbara

    Bookmark   January 17, 2007 at 8:58PM
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simply_sharon

OK, My sister-in-law thought she would surprise me for my birthday a couple of years ago and sign me up on eHarmony. What a gift! It was like a full time job. I averaged about 70 new matches a day. I had to select the range of age I would like for the guys to be. But when I selected the age group, that wasn't what I got. They said that I would be matched up with guys anywhere from 10 years younger to 10 years older. It didn't matter how much I objected. So maybe it's the same on match.com. My sister-n-law signed me up to prove a point. You see, she believes there is someone out there for everyone. I don't! It was an experience though. Just not for me!

    Bookmark   January 18, 2007 at 8:52AM
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lpinkmountain

Emevah, self confidence is attractive, and if you are convinced you're not desirable because of your race, no woman is going to be conviced you're attractive either. Now there's two extremes, overconfidence which isn't attractive, and poor self esteem which is also unnattractive. Strive for a middle ground. Then, as long as you're well groomed and well dressed (meaning clean, not rumpled, etc.) then you just have to be patient and persistent and not get discouraged. You have time, don't let the media hype make you think finding love is an instant thing. But take heart, there are millions of women out there in this big world, surely there are at least one or two that might find you attractive! :) Seriously, with the above mentioned attention to basic personal grooming, don't underestimate the power of your mind, personality and soul to attract women. Cultivate friendship and courteousness with everyone and someday Ms. Right will take notice. If you want a woman to jump on your bandwagon, it has to be going somewhere!

    Bookmark   January 21, 2007 at 1:54AM
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Jonesy

My neighbor and her daughter actively look for black men on line. Looking for black men is one thing looking on line is another. Here is what happened to her daughter when she found mister right online. I wrote this on another forum.

Since you don't know me or my neighbor, I think it would be alright to tell you what happened to her daughter. I am doing this partly to warn vulnerable women. It is a scary story and anyone interested in online relationships should pay heed to this. My neighbor and her daughter joined a singles thing on the INTERNET, the daughter started emailing a guy. After almost a year he came to see her from Texas. He proposed and she accepted. He did all the right things, married her then took her to the social security office to get her name changed, went to the AFB to get her a military ID for her meds, health care,etc.. He told her to sell her car, that he had a 2006 which would be her personal car. He said he was retired military and had a retirement of $4,500 a month. He sent her money to cover the cost of the wedding plus an extra $500. He suggested my neighbor, (his bride's mother) move to Texas if she wanted to and he would help her do that. This is what prince charming has done to her. He had been married 11 times before this one, he filed for divorce before a week was up, he got rid of her 11 year old Yorkie, told her he didn't want a house dog, etc, etc, etc. She is in Texas, broke, no way to get home or move her things back and is trying to work with legal aid for the divorce. My neighbor is heart broken and she doesn't have any money to help her daughter. Very sad, all my neighbor does is cry. I wonder if my neighbor and her daughter will continue searching for love online???

    Bookmark   February 8, 2007 at 11:24PM
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blacknumber1

All the girls on match.com are fat.

    Bookmark   March 26, 2007 at 7:39PM
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