The 'EX' is an EX for a reason

kayjonesNovember 8, 2003

Well, isn't life interesting? The ex suddenly becomes disinterested in you - then, when you are show interest in someone - he will stop at NOTHING to get back to you. I have to wonder what quality I suddenly acquired that has made him see me as a new, desirable woman? Desirable is defined as: Worthy of desire or longing; fitted to excite desire or a wish to possess; pleasing; agreeable.

Why do we desire what we can't have? Hmmmmm - could he be jealous of the fact that I might have a life and therefore don't pine for him? Is the new girl in his life not all she appeared to be? I will just have to surmize that HE has a problem that I wasn't able to repair before and am not willing to fix now.

Would I trade even one second of my precious time with my new friend for a minute to be with him - Don't think so! Would I toss away a chance to explore the future with my new friend for the opportunity to go back into the dungeon with him - I don't think so! Does he have any qualities, desired enough by me, that I would risk hurting my new friend over - I don't THINK so!

I am not perfect and don't claim to be - neither is my new friend, but I can assure you and the ex that whatever imperfections the new friend possesses are NOTHING compared to the exe's fatal flaws - disloyalty and dishonesty.

My suggestion to my ex and all exes: Think before you axe a relationship, because the old nag you thought was out to do you in might turn out to be someone else's prize filly! Keep in mind, exes - there's more than one stallion in the barn yard! LOL

Tell us of YOUR experiences with your exes - we all stand to learn valuable insights here.

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Tinmantu

Amazing how when the EX faces a little adversity, who do they call?....Mine just called this week, under the pretense to see how our daughter was doing (even though I knew she had talked to her the night before)...next thing I know she is asking if I had heard the news that she was getting divorced.....I told her yes I heard and I was sorry things didn't work out and wrapped up the phone call...if I were to go into my experiences of why she is my EX, I'd have carpal tunnel and this server would be too full to handle any more messages. Heh

    Bookmark   November 8, 2003 at 1:20PM
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Daisyduckworth

It's the Dog-in-the-Manger Syndrome. "I don't want you, but I don't want anyone else to have you either". As soon as you look sideways at someone else, they'll promise you the earth, the moon and all the stars, you fall for it (or pretend to), dump 'the other', and within a week, you're dumped again by the Ex you should never have believed in the first place. I suppose there's some primeval explanation for this sort of behaviour, but it defeats me!

    Bookmark   November 8, 2003 at 5:15PM
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Tinmantu

The dog in the manger syndrome is an interesting one and has merit....my ex had no problem moving on with her life, but whenever she gets the idea that I am moving on with mine in a positive way, the phone starts ringing...She will never have another opportunity so she tends to get satisfaction out of disruption....I have her figured out so I don't let it bother me.

    Bookmark   November 8, 2003 at 6:44PM
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puddlejumper

My divorce is at the stage where we don't call each other unless we really have to. But, I talked with him yesterday when he called to chew me out, and once again he confirmed why we split up in the first place. When we separated, he resolved to change, to become a new and grown up version of his old self. If he's made any progress, it's too subtle to show. He's still telling lies and he's wallowing in self-pity. Same as it ever was.

Life is too precious to live with someone like that . . .

    Bookmark   November 9, 2003 at 2:32PM
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kayjones

Right on, Puddlejumper! You be true to yourself and all will work out as it is meant in the beg scheme of things.

    Bookmark   November 9, 2003 at 5:42PM
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puddlejumper

Thanks for support Kay!

You're making a profound point - in the end, we have to be true to ourselves or I think we would just be wasting time pretending to live.

    Bookmark   November 9, 2003 at 10:06PM
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Tinmantu

The head games never tend to cease, no matter how long you are separated, it seems....my ex called a couple weeks back to say that she would be here for xmas to see our daughter and I informed her I'd be gone over that period anyway ....a week later, she calls back and says that she is going to be here on the 19th instead, that she hoped to be able to see me after all....it's all because she knows that I am getting involved in a relationship and she can't stand that thought...Ive heard more from her in the last month than I have in the last year when there was no one in my life......time to have fun and drop a hint that I am leaving on the 18th now and see if the schedule gets changed again...lol

    Bookmark   December 12, 2003 at 7:43PM
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kayjones

I must say "Ex's" are interesting! I had my double bed, complete with custom-made mattress and box springs, delivered from storage yesterday. My ex's sister had it stored, and because of back problems, I asked her to bring it to me, which she gladly did. SIL went to visit her brother, my ex, and he wanted to know why I needed a double bed - LOL - could he be reading something into it that has him wondering if I have a life after him? I have never seen a person work so hard trying to find out what's going on in my life, plus he's wanting to 'court' me all of a sudden. In my book, if you snooze you lose - he snoozed and he lost.

    Bookmark   December 13, 2003 at 9:50AM
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walksalone

And your advice here after going back?

    Bookmark   June 6, 2008 at 7:54PM
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kayjones

Walks, I'd advise to look at all the increments of the situation before making any decisions!

    Bookmark   June 7, 2008 at 9:11AM
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