Why Am I So Depressed?

rosethymeNovember 17, 2008

After eighteen years of a miserable marriage to an alcoholic I finally filed for a divorce. He seemed to be only happy when he was drinking and having his cronies over every weekend. Then so moody the next day with a hangover. And he has no intention of trying to do something about his drinking problem. I'm sick of all his hateful mood swings. We've just drifted apart...we don't even sleep in the same bedroom. Drinking makes his snoring intolerable and he hasn't been a husband in quite awhile. I know I'm doing the right thing to get out of the relationship. But I miss him! At first he begged to get back together but seems okay and accepting of the divorce now...even happy! That bothers me too! I don't know if he is seeing someone but he says no, he isn't. I am 59 and don't know how to meet anyone my age. I thought at this time of life I would be settled with the person I will grow old with. I cry all the time...feeling sorry for myself, I guess. He moved to an apartment but comes over several times a week to see the dogs..we have two little male Yorkies.

Does anyone else going through a divorce have the same problem? I just want the hurting and loneliness to stop. I wonder if an antidepressant would help? The divorce hearing will be finalized in about three weeks.

Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

all i can advise is to try very hard not to think about it. this can be done, i have done it. with Alzheimer's patients it's call redirecting. get your mind on pleasant things, feel good movies and books. music also works for me. i also think about things like i am free of criticism and stress. life is good.

    Bookmark   November 17, 2008 at 3:06PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Thanks, Stargazer....good ideas. And yes, it is nice to be free of criticism and stress.

    Bookmark   November 18, 2008 at 10:50AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

I went through the same thing when my ex finally moved out after 3 years of verbal and emotional abuse which had turned physical. There were other problems, too.

I expected to feel great but I just became depressed. Anticlimactic? Maybe. It took a few years to get my emotional legs under me again and recover from being abused. Find someone to talk to about how you are feeling. It's a normal part of the healing process but not a fun one. Exercising daily will help. Even a 1/2 hour brisk walk will do your mood a lot of good. It will release endorphins which do a quick job of lifting your spirits.

    Bookmark   November 19, 2008 at 3:22AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

after i went through a very bad time and the problem was solved i was depressed. i asked my doctor about it and he told me that i had been living on adrenalin for months now there was none and my body had to adjust. withdrawal i guess.

    Bookmark   November 19, 2008 at 2:25PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

i think the reason you're depressed is because you realize the finality of ending your marriage, and are remembering your hopes and dreams for it instead of the reality of it. first you said, "I'm sick of all his hateful mood swings. We've just drifted apart...we don't even sleep in the same bedroom. Drinking makes his snoring intolerable and he hasn't been a husband in quite awhile. " then you said "I miss him."

personally, i do think there is a time for anti-depressant medication. but the best anti-depressant of all is activity. get involved in some kind of caring, social group, whether it's a singles club, a sunday school class, gardening club, etc., and not to enjoy wallowing around in the basement of pain. i would definitely cut out the visits, whether they are to see the dogs or not. if you're serious about knowing it's the right thing to do, then cut the cord and cut it clean. the best thing to help him might be to see you growing and putting your life back together without him. without an enabler (willing or unwilling), it might help him pull himself out of his alcoholism.

thsi is just my personal opinion.

    Bookmark   November 19, 2008 at 11:24PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

I would seriously consider getting some counselling, because the pros know how to listen, what questions to ask, and how to guide you to a better future without all the "baggage" weighing you down, plus they can also direct you to groups of others in the same boat as you, for weekly get togethers of sharing your feelings (and incidentally meeting others too). They will also know the best ideas for you to consider about what to do with yourself now, and how to deal with the crying. Being depressed (not just having a bad few weeks) is serious and should be addressed the same as any other illness by people trained to deal with it and not just give advice based on cliches and platitudes, however nice those might be.

    Bookmark   November 23, 2008 at 6:17AM
Sign Up to comment
More Discussions
Terrible Valentines Day
I have been in a relationship for seven years. My GF...
Singles discrimination.
Events where the singles price is not half the couples...
Older women, younger men....
I've been recently widowed, and although I would love...
Merry Christmas!!
I'm not living the single life anymore, but that doesn't...
What do you for entertainment
I was curious about what the rest of you do when you...
Sponsored Products
Recife Checkered Natural/ Cocoa Rug (8'6 Square)
Home Decorators Runner Rug: Brunswick Beige 2' 6" x 10'
Home Depot
Crosley Cambridge 48 in. TV Stand - Black - KF10002DBK
$299.99 | Hayneedle
Black & Blue Night I Print
$12.99 | zulily
New Medallion Vibrant Red 8' Round Heriz Serapi Hand Knotted Wool Area Rug H7020
BH Sun Inc
Miniature Lounge Chair & Ottoman by Vitra
$795.00 | Lumens
Safavieh Indoor/Outdoor Area Rug: Safavieh Rugs Courtyard Natural/Terra 6 ft. 7
Home Depot
Medina Purple Rectangular: 5 Ft. x 8 Ft. Rug
$368.00 | Bellacor
People viewed this after searching for:
© 2015 Houzz Inc. Houzz® The new way to design your home™