Thanksgiving Snort, Yuk-Yuk!

kayjonesNovember 24, 2004

Twas the Nite before Thanksgiving

Twas the night before Thanksgiving and all through the kitchen;

I was cooking and baking and moaning' and grinchin'.

I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest,

This place is a disaster, just look at this mess!

Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed,

They expect all the trimmings - who cares what I need!

My feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs,

The dog just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.

There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing;

Frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.

Two pies in the oven, dessert's almost done;

My cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.

I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore;

Then walks in my significant other, spilling rum on the floor.

He heaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;

Then grins as he chuckles "The eggnog is ready!"

He looks all around and with total regret,

Says "What's takin' so long? Aren't you through in here yet??"

As quick as a flash I reach for a knife;

He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life!

He flees from the room in terror and pain,


Now what was I doing, and what is that smell?

Oh, shoot, it's the pies!! They're burned all to hell!!

I hate to admit when I make a mistake,

But I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.

What else can go wrong?? Is there still more ahead??

If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.

LORD, don't get me wrong, I love holidays;

They just leave me exhausted, all shaky and dazed.

But I promise you one thing, If I live 'til next year,

You won't find me pulling my hair out in here.

I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;

And if that doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED!


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heh...not bad more big dinners for me ever again...this Turkey day my brother and I went to the store at 11 on thursday and picked out nice t-bones and huge baked potatos, corn on the cob and mushrooms for sauteeing... did it all on the grill except the shrooms and had two dirty plates and a single pan...I'm never going back to traditional...heh
Oh and by the way JC....Grey Goose Vodka will blow Absolut out of the water every day of the week...had my first taste of that over the weekend...maybe it will inspire a rant in the future.

    Bookmark   December 2, 2004 at 10:23PM
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