singles scence at the grocery store?

lpinkmountainOctober 30, 2004

On four different TV comedy shows I have heard references to supermarkets being hot spots to pickup women/men and I also read it in two books on dating and meeting people.

However, when I go to the supermarket I really have shopping on my mind and it seems to me that most of the people there are doing the same. I want to get in there and get out as quickly as possible. Also, no one ever strikes up a conversation with me if I don't know them. I certainly don't observe people flirting over the frozen foods! Even today, a man was very nice to me and let me ahead of him in the express line, (I ran in quickly and didn't get a cart so I was dropping my items left and right), and that was so uncharacteristic of the way most people treat you, I wondered if he was trying to flirt with me, but I really think he was simply being considerate.

So how did this myth get started? I think it is very funny, (as in peculiar). Have you ever seen people flirting in the grocery store or struck up an acquaintance with anyone you met there?

I dread grocery shopping, the noise, the crowds, the money, the decisions, the time . . .

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lpinkmountain

That should read singles SCENE. My brain has been mush this week.

    Bookmark   October 30, 2004 at 9:59PM
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centralcacyclist

The Safeway in the Marina district is San Francisco has for decades been well known as a singles hot spot. Yes, I shopped there a few times with friends who lived in the area during the 80s. No, I never experienced any flirting.

Here is a link that might be useful: Shopping in SF

    Bookmark   October 30, 2004 at 11:47PM
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Carrie B

The Whole Foods in my area used to have singles night every so often - it may have been one evening a month, or perhaps even once per week. Several friends and I once gathered up the courage to go, but we were too shy and awkward to strike up a conversation. A man did try to start a conversation with me over the oral hygene products, but I was too embarrassed to follow through.

I do, however, strike up conversations with people in the grocery line all the time. I commisserate on the inefficiency of staff, help first-time users with the self check-out mechanisms, etc. I've also talked to people in the grocery line about cats as pets (if they have cat care products in their baskets) and about their jobs "you've got lots of crayons and colored paper there, are you a teacher?" etc. I do believe that the grocery store, laundromat, etc. are not unusual places to meet significant others. But I also know that is not everyone's style.

    Bookmark   October 31, 2004 at 8:50AM
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bunnyman

I give the grocery store a negative on meeting new people but a strong positive on people I know. For the most part I'm there to get groceries and probably running late for something.

: )
michael

    Bookmark   October 31, 2004 at 11:44AM
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Wings2W

We don't have any stores with singles night.

If you wanted to approach someone in the store what would you say? Write a message on a banana? I don't think meeting someone gets any easier with time. I'm shy probably wouldn't give flirting a thought.

Now I'm off to the pet store. I'll be more observant and see if others are interacting. :)

    Bookmark   October 31, 2004 at 1:02PM
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kayjones

The best place, IMHO, to meet guys is in a mens store or department! Try the auto parts store, the menswear department of a store, or a total menswear store. If you see someone interesting, just walk up and say: "I could surely use some help - I am thinking of buying a .... for my brother or dad - do you have a minute to help me? Of course, if he's got a wedding ring on, forget it, but otherwise, just start talking.

The laundromat is also a good place to start conversation with single guys - just go to an upscale area of your town, use the laundromat there, and see what happens. Just take the chance - they are everywhere - I met a very interesting and wonderful man right here on Gardenweb! Of course, I am very out-going and don't fear the unknown. It gets me in good situations sometimes and I just listen to my gut feelings when meeting someone new , but I am almost fearless - give it a try. Men are just people, and more interesting than they seem.

    Bookmark   October 31, 2004 at 4:34PM
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lpinkmountain

Yes I'm very outgoing too, and I often stop to chat with people I know in the grocery store if I see them there. But I rarely strike up an extended conversation with a total stranger, let alone make an acquaintance. I help people, comment on their cute kids, exchange pleasantries, etc., short conversations. It's just that I haven't noticed many "singles" at my grocery store, and if they are there, they are keeping a low profile. I was bored last week and over my coffee at the local Wegmans I looked for signs of flirting, but what I saw was a lot of harried people milling around trying to get their shopping done. I guess it depends on your neighborhood or the time of day. And I was wondering how one might exactly go about "flirting" in a grocery store. I did have a man ask me once in a bookstore psychology aisle if I knew where the substance abuse books were, but somehow that doesn't strike me as a good pickup line. :-) I tried to flirt with the guy who let me cut in front of him, but he was unloading his groceries, getting out his wallet, paying, etc. and really didn't seem to give me a second thought, I couldn't even catch his eye, although I had to pick up my groceries, pay, put my wallet away, etc. so I really didn't have a lot of extra attention at that point. I've tried to lean seductively over the Campbell's soup hoping someone would ask me my opinon on chicken with stars, but so far no one has noticed. So that's why I figured most people were like me when they grocery shopped--trying to get in and out as quickly as possible, with their minds on their grocery lists. I guess the culture here is very utilitarian. The grocery stores sure are unpleasant, so big and crowded. I've never been to a Whole Foods store, they sound divine.

    Bookmark   November 1, 2004 at 6:59PM
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jessiecarole

and you wouldn't want to "meet" someone in a grocery store and scare them so bad that they quit shopping altogether.......

    Bookmark   November 3, 2004 at 9:01AM
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lpinkmountain

It could end up being a "meat market" in more ways than one!
:-)

    Bookmark   November 3, 2004 at 3:05PM
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Kathsgrdn

Never heard of anyone meeting someone in a grocery store before. I'm in and out so fast that I hardly notice if there are even men there. LOL!

    Bookmark   November 6, 2004 at 12:51AM
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coolvt

An old thread, but I thought it was interesting.........
Well, seems like you women should start paying attention to men in the grocery store. When you meet them 3 or 4 times in different isles maybe they are intentionally crossing your path. I've approached many women in the stores. I stike up a conversation and then ask if they are married or "attached."
I've come to carrying a small hand written note in my wallet that I sometimes hand to a woman who I would like to meet. It says something like, "I really like your smile and would like to meet you. If you are brave enough you could call (727)000-0000 or email me at SSSSS. etc.." It looks like something that I ducked into another isle to write. I've had one call me and very many blush and smile.
Of course if you care to meet people there it's best to show up looking half way decent....leave the curlers at home:-)

    Bookmark   September 7, 2007 at 9:20AM
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mariaocean

>>>When you meet them 3 or 4 times in different isles maybe they are intentionally crossing your path. I've approached many women in the stores. I stike up a conversation and then ask if they are married or "attached." Ah, yes, the "grocery store stalkers". The number one reason to go to get groceries as early (as in 6 am) as possible, and try to go to one of the stores that has self checkout so you are not trapped in line with them. When I am food shopping, that is the only thing I want, food, and to get in and out as fast as possible.

    Bookmark   September 7, 2007 at 9:40AM
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carolswfl_2007

Being a widow, I have widowed friends who have tried the online dating scene. Only one had success. I told them til I meet someone while shopping or at church (great social life, huh ;) I will be alone. Carol

    Bookmark   September 7, 2007 at 12:56PM
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coolvt

I would guess that women who avoid men in the grocery store or other places are confirmed bachelorettes. I can't say that I disagree with anyone and their choices. Many are very happy with their lifestyle without men. Thank god it's not 100% or us men would have to give up the pursuit.
Mark

    Bookmark   September 8, 2007 at 11:31AM
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lcw1947

I've got to say, that when I go to the grocery store, I have a list in my hand. I get what's on the list, and head to the self check out. Anything I pick up to look at gets put in my cart. Then I get home and say, why did I buy that and have to take it back the next time I go. But I have yet to add to my list, "good looking man"... laughing. Also never had one slip me a note.

Oh wait, one time I did speak with a man that I had met on Yahoo Personals in the grocery store. there was a lady there, and she said, I'm his wife... I just said we were old friends, I did not tell her that I'd met him thru the personals. She has enough problems...

    Bookmark   September 26, 2007 at 7:01AM
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gneegirl

That is toooo funny - good for him.

I wonder about the grocery store flirting game; and the library, and the auto parts store, and the ..., well you know what I mean. OK, so you speak with someone in the store; you find out that "we" both like opera. Who is going to ask who first, if they would like to go. I would be very leary of someone that asked me on a date after a conversation about what is in my grocery cart. That's not to say that there would be something wrong with that person, but I would feel very uncomfortable - even if I had seen them sevaral times. Most people go to the grocery store more than once.

I did meet someone online, but not on a dating site. I was on Oprah's website responding to a question about death and dying. A woman posted that she was having trouble meeting suitable men because she was over fifty and overweight. I responded to her post, and then, lo and behold, I got an instant message from some guy that had read my post (I had AOL, so he looked me up). He told me that he was so moved by what I had to say, that he wanted to thank me for helping this woman - yeah, right!! I was so pssst that I responded, with a 6-shooter!! I let him have it - how dare he invade my "privacy" like that!! We actually became very good friends. His wife had passed a few months earlier, and his children suggested he get a computer for a Christmas present. I guess he thought if he wanted to meet women, the Oprah site would be a good start. Well, I guess it worked - he met me!! Turns out he lived in a lakehouse about 50 miles from me. After he came this way to meet me - at the Ritz Carlton, at that, I became comfortable enough to visit him. I had keys to his house. Even if he was out of town, he would invite me to go down there sometimes, just as a retreat NICE!. I even cooked dinner for him on the first Thanksgiving after his wife passed - special day for sure. Although we had a lot in common, he and I weren't a good match for a variety of reasons. But we still did so much together. We even traveled cross country from coast to coast to visit some of his friends and to see Boz Scaggs concerts - love, love, loved it!! Sometimes we would just look online for a place to meet in the middle to have lunch or dinner. He often consulted me on his choices for a new mate. One woman was treating him so badly that I actually told him to drop her. He did. When he did find someone, they even called me on their way to and from the wedding chapel - in Las Vegas. They used to stay in touch, but not lately since they have moved out of the area. But, I can tell you, it was the best 2 years I'd had in a very long time. That being said, I would still have a hard time doing that kind of thing again. There are a lot of nuts out there.

    Bookmark   September 27, 2007 at 12:10AM
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eclair

I've never met anyone at the grocery store, or the book store, or the library, etc. I've never known anyone else who has either.

But I plan to put "good looking man" on future grocery lists to remind myself to be on the look-out for one!

    Bookmark   September 29, 2007 at 9:25PM
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coolvt

When "opportunity knocks" you have to be ready to open the door:-) I struck up a conversation with a bank teller. We talked for 5 minutes at the window. She said she was divorced, I asked if she had been dating. She said no so I asked if she'd like to begin with me. She said yes. Well, apparently 2 other tellers had been very interested in our conversation. As I walked away and looked back, I saw the other two run over to her with all of their questions. We dated for 3 or 4 months,but nothing really came of it.
So, one really never knows when the right person will pop up. To you single ladies...you should be able to recognize when a man is just being friendly or really seems interested. Don't let him slip through your fingers. Ask if he's married, if he isn't what is the danger in meeting at a very public coffee shop? If he says no, your pride will be hurt, but there will be another one there next week to ask;-)

    Bookmark   October 5, 2007 at 10:09AM
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gneegirl

Good advice, but a lot of men don't want to make a commitment and will string you along. If the "relationship" starts to go beyond their comfort zone, they know how to push you away. If you walk, they dangle more carrots. I just had a conversation with a very close male friend and discussed this very same thing. Sometimes men don't know how to approach but if you nudge them, they run. My friend was trying to tell me why and what to do, but to me, they like the chase, and will leave their prey after the kill. It's hard to know and understand the difference between a man that is really looking for someone or one that is really out hunting. They both start out the same way and you don't find out until too late, when you are left there hanging out their on your own, wondering what happened. Not all men are bad, and I guess most aren't, but the male agenda is so totally different than a women's. Even if a woman doesn't want to have a committed relationship - say just wants a friend or someone for company sometimes - go places, dinner, etc., most women aren't out to conquer. I don't date because frankly, I'm not asked. I could get into the whole "looks" thing, but I've been told that the problem isn't in the way I look. In fact, I've been told that a lot of men have been interested, but just don't know how to approach me. Why not...; not sure. I'm friendly and even my friend said that I'm very personable and easy to talk to. He says I just need to let them know I'm intereswted - flirt a little more. I don't know... somehow this should be easier.

Just my thoughts, today...

gng

    Bookmark   October 5, 2007 at 10:47PM
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Jonesy

I have had many chances to met men in restaurants over the years, but I was married and didn't respond to the smiles and the looks during the meal. Now that I am single, 70 years old and have two chins, I don't get a smile. Can't imagine why not. LOL

My brother in law was one of those know it all people, but regarding body language I found him to be right on. I didn't respond to the guys in the restaurants, because I was unavailable. I ate in those restaurants at the same time everyday and I believe it would have been easy to make contact with them simply by smiling back and glancing their way like they did me.

    Bookmark   October 5, 2007 at 11:03PM
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coolvt

I think if a woman can dig a little into a man's history they determine his motives. I think a man will "kill time" dating different women in hopes that the "right" one will show up eventually. I have dated women that I knew I would never want to spend the rest of my life with. If there are 4 or 5 dates does the woman think that there is a long term possibility? I'm not sure how a man should handle it. Does he tell the woman right off that he will date her, but would never consider marrying her? I don't have the answer.

    Bookmark   October 6, 2007 at 8:03AM
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Jonesy

Does anyone just date for the pleasure in being with another person without looking at each other as a possible spouse. I don't ever plan on marrying, but I think it would be nice to have a traveling companion or go out to eat with.

    Bookmark   October 6, 2007 at 8:14PM
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centralcacyclist

I joined a local social group that includes couples, married couples, and singles. The ages range from late 20-something to 80-something. They meet once a month and anyone can suggest and coordinate an activity. There are camping trips, day hikes, dinner outings, art walks, parties, events, movie outings, music performances, lots of things. I participate from time to time, though lately I've been working out of town. It is not a singles group, just a social group. It sounds like something you might enjoy, Jonesny. Dues are $12 a year to cover mailing and copying costs.

Ours is called "Adventure Club." I don't know if it is affiliated with other Adventure Clubs but the clubs in this link sound similar. Maybe there is one in your area.

Here is a link that might be useful: Adventure Clubs

    Bookmark   October 7, 2007 at 1:04AM
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gneegirl

Barnmom - you are wonderful!! I was just going to start a thread on just this sort of thing. I know there are organizations out there, but it helps when someone knows them first-hand. This TSL is great, but everyone seems to be just moseying along. I was going to ask about such organizations/clubs just to get folks to post about something fun. I know I get busy or get into a rut and my life seems to just move along, taking me with it. I'd like to have a little more adventurous or challenging things to talk about sometimes.

Hope everyone is enjoying the weekend - mine is 4-days!!

gng

    Bookmark   October 7, 2007 at 11:39PM
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kayjones

Jonesy, good luck finding someone who wants a lady over 50! I am amazed that these balding, overweight men only want young women - they sit around and wonder why they are sitting around! LOL

    Bookmark   October 14, 2007 at 8:50PM
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gneegirl

kayjones - funny, but true. There are a lot of decent looking over 50ers out there, but you are right, they are looking at nothing older than 30somethings. A "hmmm" idea - it hasn't been that long that over 50 wasn't old. Maybe by the time our kids and grands get to be over 50, it will be a normal thing to look at 50 or so women. Maybe they'll get lucky and a 90yr old will look their way :)

gng

    Bookmark   October 14, 2007 at 9:50PM
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junkyardgirl

O.K., I have to fess up. I actually posted a "missed connections" ad on Craigslist for a man I met when I was in the grocery store, and he replied!! He turned out to be a drunken jerk, and we never did go out, just talked a few times. I've seen him in the grocery sometime, but I try to avoid him now.

I met a guy once when I was very young (21) who was working in the grocery store where my family and I shopped. He knew my dad, and we struck up a conversation. We dated for about 6 months, and then I found out he was married!!! I wasn't really very heartbroken over it.

    Bookmark   December 9, 2007 at 8:20PM
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kayjones

I go to Craigslist.org to read the ads when I need a laugh - those people are really scary!

    Bookmark   December 9, 2007 at 9:15PM
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gneegirl

I think they all are scary, even the regular ole folk. You never know what you are getting in to. I work with a lot of "young" people and I hear them talk about meeting this or that one online. OMG, some of the stories they tell! I used to look at some of the ads on a few sites, and even got a few emails. But they were wierd and looked spooky, so I didn't even bother. The funny thing, years later I look and see the same faces - what the heck are they doing??? They are either chasing or just plain not worth it. Needless to say, I don't do that anymore. Maybe that's why I can't meet anyone!! Oh well...

    Bookmark   December 11, 2007 at 11:22PM
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jeaninwa

I've never met anyone at the grocery store/library/bank etc. But, I DID meet my SO online on Craigslist! There really are nice guys on there. We're both 51. We talked online for a while. Talked on the phone, then decided we should meet for dinner. We live about 45 miles apart, so we met about 1/2 way. That was over 7 months ago. He really is one of the "nice guys". Loves his family and his grandkids and shares them with me. Of course, everything isn't perfect, but at my age, I know there are no perfect people. Including myself. We're still getting to know each other.

    Bookmark   January 4, 2008 at 6:11AM
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kayjones

Jean, that is WONDERFUL - I am glad when someone can find a friend - yep, there are good people in this world!!!

    Bookmark   January 4, 2008 at 8:50AM
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