Green Card?

carla35October 19, 2007

Hi,

I'm married so I don't generally don't post here, but I have a question for you all.

I have a guy friend who for the last few years has been experiencing some bad health problems, so in the prime of his life is struggling with not having a girlfriend and maybe never being able to get his ideal type of girl. He just recently told me has been chatting with a Phillipino girl online. He has met her once before over a year ago and was planning to see her again. Anyway, at first I was happy for him, thinking he found a girlfriend, but then I put two and two together and wondered if maybe she was only interested in him because of his US status. I think this guy normally would figure this out, but because of his current state of mind (he also suffers from severe depression), I think he's probably quite desperate and not really thinking rationally. He just doesn't seem like the type of guy that would prefer a mail order type bride.

I just feel bad for him, if on top of all his other problems, he ends up seriously involved with this girl who may not really be interested in him. Should I talk to him about it or just mind my own business and stay out of it? Maybe he knows but doesn't care? Do you think there's a chance this girl really does like him and isn't in it just for the green card? Are girls in the Philippines known for doing this kind of thing?

Thanks in advance for your opinions and comments.

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jennmonkey

I'm sure he knows. If they have been interacting frequently over the internet, maybe they really like each other. Either way, I would stay out of it and be happy for him. He'll figure it out if she's only after getting a green card.

    Bookmark   October 19, 2007 at 4:11PM
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carla35

Thanks, Jenn, I sort of thought that. It's just odd because I've known him over a year and he always acts/says he doesn't have a girlfriend and implies he can't get one because of his health situation, and had never mentioned this girl before. He has even talked about liking other girls, etc... so I found it extra strange that he had this internet 'girlfriend' he forgot to mention. Maybe he was just embarassed or it just got serious??? He doesn't have a lot of self esteem and I just feel like he may be settling for less than he should and would really hate to see him be taken advantage of.

    Bookmark   October 19, 2007 at 5:10PM
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airforceguy

I'm a Canadian living in the USA on a Greencard, sure didn't move here just for the card,lol. I visit one Immigration site a lot (great site for immigration advice that relate to relationships) and yes there are a lot of USA/Filipino couples. Are they legit, who knows, they seem happy! Makes one go hmmmmm when u see an older guy with a much younger gal! But who says it isn't love! I have been to the Philippines on business a few times, and well, the people are very nice, but some do live in harsh circumstances! And yes there are stories on that forum where the guy/gal comes over from another country, and then disappears! On some visas it doesnt do much good to come and just leave as one doesnt get the green card (permanenet residence card right away) if she came over on a K1 visa (fiance visa, not married yet) Which takes awhile to get (around 6 months or so) once she enters the USA,they have 90 dyas to get married, blah blah blah, plus more paperwork after that before she would get the greencard. But he is liable for her(to support her, she cant claim welfare,etc) site im talking about is visajourney.com great site for Immigrating to the USA on a relationship visa (not work related, just fiance or married)
Hope it works out for ur friend!!

    Bookmark   October 19, 2007 at 5:59PM
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asolo

The green-card scam has been going on more-or-less forever. Typically foreign women with US men, but it does work both ways. I would encourage your friend to be cautious. Internet-only contact? Doubly cautious.

    Bookmark   October 20, 2007 at 6:21PM
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Jonesy

The son of our friends married a gal in the Philippines, he didn't know her and I thought that was strange. She was a female relative of some of his friends. I suspected that he did it as a favor to get her into this country and still do. About that time he had a new home built for his parents and his new bride was taking care of them when he had to work in Sweden as he did most of the year. Seemed like a nice arrangement. the parents thought she was a wonderful daughter.

    Bookmark   October 22, 2007 at 9:57PM
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carla35

"Seemed like a nice arrangement"

What?... Marrying someone you don't know and putting them on a subservient level? I guess I'm just not really seeing anything positive about that. Isn't there a name for girls that marry for things other than love? It's exactly the thing I am afraid of for my friend.

I know my friend isn't looking for a housekeeper for his parents or someone that just wants a green card; I think he's looking for true love; just still not sure he'll be able to find it this way and not sure how/if I should even bring up the issue with him. He's really, really had a tough life, I seriously think getting into a bad situation with this could one way or another kill him. It'd be nice to think he's found true love; but from the little I know, I'm just not seeing it. And, he's not some older man looking for a young chick; he's quite young himself just with some serious health issues that has made him quite lonely. How do you help someone who has such low self esteem when you really don't think they know what they are doing? I feel damned if I do and damned if I don't.

    Bookmark   October 22, 2007 at 11:13PM
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