Calling on Single Parents...caution, rant by Tinmantu

TinmantuSeptember 26, 2003

I said that I would try to inspire conversation on this board, so here's a stab at it...long story short, Readers Digest can't do it this good....Boy meets girl, marrys girl, married 18 years and has a child....boy divorces girl after trying for 5 years to make it work for the childs sake...girl moves away leaving child with boy, girl moves back and at age of 14 child wants to live with mom....then..........girl and child move away, and after 3 weeks child wants to move back, with bills that have been accrued over last few months....don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about having my daughter back, I'll deal with the financial end of it... just wondering if anyone else has a horror story that they'd like to me, I was being kind and left out a lot of details...I'll add as asked if this thread survives :)

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My story is annoying but it's not even close to a horror story.

Husband of 23 years goes through a 10 month lay-off. He finally gets a job offer, in a city 138 miles away. He moves to city and commutes home on the weekends. I don't worry at all, because after all, I've been married to this guy forever and I trust him completely. In the meantime, I begin prepping the house to sell it. Husband totals his car on Jan 1st and secretly begins a mid-life crisis. He tells me he doesn't want to move after all and that he will look for another job locally. Meanwhile, husband gets more and more nervous and starts acting really distant. Every attempt at discussion ends with him insisting he doesn't know what's wrong.

Let's cut to the ending - husband started an affair with coworker in Feb. or March and I finally drug the truth out of him in August. It took about 4 weeks for me to get over the shock. I'm hoping that the divorce will be final by Halloween.


P.S. Once I got used to the idea of divorce, I started to see some potentially great possibilities that I wouldn't have even considered had I stayed married to this Bozo.

    Bookmark   September 27, 2003 at 3:13PM
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Sorry, I didn't notice that this thread was specific to singles with kids until after I'd posted. I don't have any children.

    Bookmark   September 27, 2003 at 3:25PM
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No need to apologize, Puddlejumper....I was just trying to come up with a topic to stimulate conversation...glad you joined in, it's open to any single...I'd change the title if I could.....after being married that long, you tend to take each other for granted, expecting that you will be together "till death do us part", understandably....I haven't hit my midlife crisis yet, hopefully bypassed it...heh...sorry for the pain that you had to go through and good luck to you in the future

    Bookmark   September 27, 2003 at 6:01PM
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On a sidenote, my ex and I still "friends" for my daughters sake alone...heck, I gave her money to leave town :)

    Bookmark   September 27, 2003 at 6:05PM
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Boy meets girl... then leave... girl remains alone - wonders if any boy will meet girl. Wonders why boys like Tinmantu don't live closer. Girls would love to meet man with child, since clock is running out - so to speak...

Where to meet boy like Tinmantu? Dunno. Not into bars, chuch is too small for singles group... still searching.

    Bookmark   September 29, 2003 at 4:19PM
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The relationship I have carved out of the remains of a marriage that probably should never have happened is far better than the marriage ever was. We are co-parents of 2 preteens, one girl, one boy. We do not have court ordered custody or financial arrangements and work things out as needed from day to day. The kids go back and forth at will. If only the marriage had been so good!

I am past bitterness and anger about my marriage. I stopped trying to analyze what/when/who went wrong some time ago. My conclusion is that I married a man who really should not have ever married but didn't know it. He is much happier living alone with no one to have to interact with.

I miss being married. I really loved having a partner in life. I don't miss his active resentment, eye rolling when I spoke, verbal abuse, etc. Don't know if I would marry again, but don't expect to have to make that decision anytime soon!

    Bookmark   September 30, 2003 at 9:16PM
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Tinmantu, I don't have kids but I have taught middle schoolers. You might consider that it's a hormone thing. 14 is one of the toughest ages, except for maybe 13 or 15 or 16. Hang in there! :-)

    Bookmark   January 18, 2004 at 8:40PM
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Welcome to the board, lpinkmountain...Thanks for bringing this back to the top...I noticed that I faild to add in my rant that my daughter is now 17 and not 14 ...Right on, regarding the hormones,'s a constant task...the last one was this little brain surgeon deciding that she would quit school and move back to Texas because dad was being too mean....that one has been averted, thank goodness and it looks as though she will finish school here with her classmates...who knows what this time next month will bring :) ...I hope you stick around and keep adding your thoughts

    Bookmark   January 19, 2004 at 4:31PM
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Barbara/berain ~laughing~ I loved your post.

    Bookmark   January 20, 2004 at 6:04PM
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Most of my friends now have kids heading into their teens. It is sooooo hard to raise kids with all the pressures they are under these days. I was lucky growing up having a really decent peer group, but they are getting harder and harder to find with all the transience today. I would say that's true of finding a good adult peer group too. I am so thankful for mine.
Never loose sight of how much your daughter loves you or how much you love her. Life's short, don't we all know! Oh yeah, I guess if you are 17 you DON'T know, but you will someday. :-)

    Bookmark   January 20, 2004 at 7:25PM
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Amen to the peer groups of kids today....I went to school in this same town as my daughter and the cliques are unbelievable....and the pressure on her to be in it is harder on her than it should be....I try to explain about how there are friends and there are acquaintances that come into our lives...that friends stick around and acquaintances dissapear when things get tough, but she doesn't see my point..(go figure)....when I was in school, I could hang out with the athletes or the long hairs depending on the occasion...with her, it's gotta be the upper crust and she's not handling the isolation that that choice brings sometimes....hopefully I will get smarter as she ages, because she already has all the answers ;)

    Bookmark   January 21, 2004 at 7:58PM
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I was just curious how it works "after all these years" of marital bliss. I see the same red flags are waving, the one where parent, either male or female, complains or merely mentions bills, child support, cost of their offspring. I was where most of you are about 25 years ago.
She supports him thru school, up corporate ladder. 20 years down the road, he decides to hit it, the road, without she or 2 children. In my single days, I actually met seemingly attractive men, made dates, heard man make statements re aforementioned subject, broke date. Chew on this, no matter what else happens in your life; once you bring a child into this world you (both parents) are forever more responsible to do, pay, whatever is necessary for the well being of that child and in my opinion that includes education and marriage. But then thats just me, still a Mom and happily married for almost 23 years! The best revenge is having a good life.

    Bookmark   March 4, 2004 at 9:56PM
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revenge on who? I am confused. The man who left you 20 ? years ago before you achieved your "bliss"?

hope your visit here helped scratch whatever was itching. Come back anytime.


    Bookmark   March 5, 2004 at 4:36PM
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Welcome to the board Twilight....not sure where you picked up on anyone having any desire for revenge myself...if anything lpinkmountain was most observant in the fact that I was ranting about my daughters whim of jumping back and responsibility is a given for any parent that has a bit of a point.

(An update to this thread)..My little brain surgeon has now quit school (only had 3 months to go and is an A and B grade student) and is living with her mom again and I'll be danged if I am going to take out a loan to put her through college based on her lack of commitment.

I won't let her starve or live on the street, but she has a lot of proving to me to do before I'm going to take on a 5000 dollar loan to let her "try out" college. She turns 18 next month and if she chooses this road after myself and my side of the family trying to dissuade her, then it's time for her to leave the nest. There will be no revenge as she will always be my little far as the ex goes, she has had her own trials and if anything I pity her.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2004 at 7:30PM
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