Fatal Flaws

puddlejumperSeptember 29, 2003

In my quest to understand how I contributed to the demise of my marriage, I've had to tough it out and really look at myself in the mirror. I could go on and on about my flaws, but that's no fun!

What do you consider a fatal flaw - a real deal breaker for any relationship? I'll start with one and hope for more posts.

Dishonesty!

I will no longer accept deliberate dishonesty from friends or family. I don't argue or blame, I just move on.

Puddlejumper

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berain

In a word - infidelity.

Barbara_Tampa

    Bookmark   September 29, 2003 at 9:12PM
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Tinmantu

Agreed, Barbara....the infidelity is the biggest flaw....dishonesty goes hand in hand with that, too....I heard so many lies regarding every day life that after a while the infidelity was almost good news to me, gave me a reason to just end it all...I'd have to say that honesty is the key....because an honest person with scruples would never consider doing something like that to their partner

    Bookmark   September 29, 2003 at 10:46PM
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berain

Guess I still cannot fathom how someone does that to someone else... Seems I remember the words, "How dare you put my life at risk!" Life goes on...

    Bookmark   September 29, 2003 at 11:37PM
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Tinmantu

the older I get, the more I feel the "knack" for making a legitimate judgement of a person after the first 5 minutes that I meet them(often I am correct, sometimes I am wrong)....by that I mean that I have met all kinds of people in the business world and private life....I just wished I had this confidence in my gut feelings back when I was younger....life goes on, but it's by no means over...it's all a learning experience, and I'm still learning

    Bookmark   September 30, 2003 at 12:01AM
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Carrie B

An inability to accept a person for who they are, while maybe not exactly a flaw, is an indication that you shouldn't be in that relationship. My last boyfriend was driven nuts by my clumsiness! He claimed that I needed to be "more careful" and needed to "pay attention".

    Bookmark   September 30, 2003 at 9:07AM
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Tinmantu

Be glad that he did it while you were dating, Carrie....over the years I have had aquaintences that were perfect gentlemen until they were around their wives, and after the way they treated them in front of others, I totally lost respect for them....the wives seemed to take it, which disgusted me even more.

    Bookmark   September 30, 2003 at 7:43PM
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kayjones

Tinmantu, women "take it" because we are eternally optimistic - ever hopeful that our mate will "see the error of his ways" and change. Love is blind and sometimes stupid, but women wear blinders for their man. People don't really choose the wrong mate - they just fail to "tend" the garden after the first few harvests. Think about it - how many gardeners keep their gardens weed-free, fertilized, and cleaned up right to the end? None that I know of. Relationships are just gardens, planted with faith, tended at first, ignored in the middle of the season, and overtaken by weeds at season's end. In friendships as well as gardens, when we no longer get the first flushes of "fruit" we tend to give up on it. Have you ever noticed your garden "resting" during the heat, and as soon as mother nature provides the cool weather, moisture, etc. the garden flourishes again. The trick with relationships is to remain aware and active even during the "slow" times. Let those times be observing/listening times, and when things cool down, offer the loving touch again, and alas, your friendships will spring forth with new life.

    Bookmark   November 3, 2003 at 10:01AM
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GardenGhost

I have to go with the loyalty issue, which encompasses honesty and trust and fidelity. I cannot tolerate disloyalty. I drop disloyal friends/mates like a hot potato. They don't get a second chance because I figure that's a second chance to stab me in the back again. I am loyal to my friends, whether they're right or wrong. And I expect unconditional loyalty too.

Casper

    Bookmark   November 4, 2003 at 10:27PM
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kayjones

Since so many of these things are 'understood', I would like to offer some other 'flaws' which are NOT acceptable to me:

Figeting (is he in that big a hurry to leave?)
Bad table manners (chew with your mouth CLOSED!)
Bad teeth (I spent a fortune on my teeth and so should he!)
We usually get 10 seconds to make a good impression - I will give him THREE!

    Bookmark   November 5, 2003 at 4:55PM
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puddlejumper

Other quick disqualifiers:

Passive personality
Aggressive personality
Controlling personality
Clowning around (great sense of humor is a plus, though)
Uses the cloth napkin as a kleenex
Doesn't like animals
Is rude to anyone
Checks out other women or flirts with other women
Bragging about anything
Anything less than impeccable hygiene

    Bookmark   November 5, 2003 at 5:53PM
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