What kind of changes?

lcw1947September 17, 2007

Thinking back over my life since my husband died (our 42nd anniversary in tomarrow) I remember how I longed to have someone in my life. I went to Match.com and to Yahoo Personals and even E-Harmony. No luck there. But you know what? Since then and in recent months, I realize that I am truely content living alone.

If someone were to enter my life, I'd have to share the remote to start with. I've have to cook more then I want to. And his stuff? Man alive, he's have to rent a space somewhere to put his things cause he sure isn't going to mess up my space with it.

I don't like change. I guess that is why I wanted someone in my life in the early years following the loss of my husband. So many people are so in love with the idea of being in love that they don't take the time to see who they are. It's taken a while for me to see that. I realize today, that I like who I am.

I like doing the things I want to do when I want to do them. Life is really good you know? As my mother says, "I enjoy living" so do I. No excitement in my life and I think I like it that way. I don't need constant tramma to make life interesting.

My family are my friends. I know a lot of people, although just because I know them doesn't make them my friends. I've found over the years, that friends in the work place are just that, friends in the work place. friends in a bar room are bar room buddies. Outside of those places, if you see them it's throwing your hand up and passing a few words. This does not friends make.

So I guess, no, I don't guess, I know that I am comfortable with myself. I don't really want someone in my life and the changes that would entail.

What about you? Are you ready to make room for another? Or are you truely content as you are?

Linda

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gneegirl

What a compelling speach!! I actually just had these words with a special friend. It is remarkable that you have come to know yourself enough to accept yourself and be glad in it. Not many people can do that - is this the highest level of Maslow - contentment???

I did not lose a spouse, but my 18 year old daughter. After her death, my husband and I divorced. For a long time we were friendly, but had our own lives. After his relationship with someone ended (his choice), things between us became rather unpleasant. By fluke, we are now very good friends and he even asked me to marry him all over. Well....; I haven't answered, even after 6 months. I miss having "my" family, and wold love to say yes. But many of the things you menioned in your post resonate so clearly with me. Do I want to go back to that life - having someone depend on my domestic skils, like cooking, washing, cleaning, balancing different tastes, and oh my gosh, finances!! Plus, we had a trucking business that he still operates. That is a nightmare, and although I was a very supportive wife in that regard, just thinking about getting back into that ratrace is more than I want to imagine. So, I'm still thinking, but in the meantime, I'm enjoying my sense of independece. It would be nice to have a friend - a companion, if you will (especially since I really never had that when married because hubby was always on the road.) Until that happens, I will just make one-side of the bed (since no one is here to mess up the other side), cook if I want, the things I want, and spend more than I can afford and only have to listen to my fuss about it. I can now update my kitchen with purple if that comes to mind.

Interesting but very real thoughts - thanks for the post!!

    Bookmark   September 17, 2007 at 11:27PM
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lcw1947

Your so welcome. It is truely how I feel. For a long time there were those that said I was too picky, was looking for my husband in those I met, that I'd never find him. It didn't matter who I met, there was something 'not just right' about him. and then it dawned on me, man alive, I'm simply not looking. could actually care less... It was me, not them..

    Bookmark   September 18, 2007 at 7:31AM
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gneegirl

That's a good feeling. AND, you can make choices now. Maybe though, now that you have made room in your psyche, someone will come along to fill the space you have made. Either way...

Best wishes.

BTW, I hope you enjoyed your anniversary. I know that it sounds strange for you to do that, but you know what, it is still a day worth celebrating - even in your own private way.

    Bookmark   September 19, 2007 at 12:46AM
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lcw1947

Hi there, I kept busy over the 18th. I can be sadden by the loss of someone so special and as far as crying an sobbing etc, no, those days are past. I can still get a little misty eyed and there are times that I miss him so. He was my best friend as well as my husband. I'm not afraid to talk about him, and no, I'm not living in the past. He was part of my life for 36 years so that's a huge piece of my life. I've learned to live along side of what was. Don't tell me to get over or to move on, those are two of the most offensive words of advice I've ever heard.

Linda

    Bookmark   September 22, 2007 at 8:10AM
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gneegirl

Hi Linda,

I fully understand and agree with you!! I still talk about my daughter - often a lot. It makes people uncomfortable at times, but she was a part of my life and left a host of memories. I can't surpress those - as I've said before, she died; she didn't disappear!! I like your comment about walking along side the situation. I think I'm doing the same thing. Yes, I do miss, and do get misty sometimes, but I'm OK. I wish it was different, but it feels good that I can do that. Some people can't and that's even more sad.

Glad you are doing well. Looks like it's you and me on this thread, but I'm really glad you started it.

gng

    Bookmark   September 23, 2007 at 3:57PM
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lcw1947

Ahh don't worry about it kiddo, the others will be around before you know it. Lots of them did say, they look in from time to time. I'm sure there are prolly a lot more reading then you might think. I am not a paid member nor have I ever been and still I am able to post. I do, how ever have to deal with a lot of pop ups and adds that we pay penience for as non paying members, but once you get past them, it's fine... As of yesterday, I've elected to come to this forum thru microsoft explorer rather then my regular internet server.... it blocks a host of the pop ups and I get thru much quicker as I don't have to wait for them to down load.. Glad your here.

And also, we don't appear to be a dateing site so for many that are on the prowl, it's not their cup of tea...

Take care,
Linda

    Bookmark   September 23, 2007 at 4:14PM
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gneegirl

Glad this isn't a dating site - we have more fun here. This is about life - much better. I've gotten so many laughs while reading the older posts. I can't believe some of the threads have been around for years - amazing!!

See ya,

gng

    Bookmark   September 26, 2007 at 12:54AM
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mimi_boo

You should have seen this site before it was taken over by iVillage. The former "owner" actually pulled TSL from the forums here - things got out of control I guess.

TSL used to be very active with lots of regulars. I read it every evening.
Barbara

    Bookmark   September 26, 2007 at 9:16PM
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gneegirl

Maybe that's why it is so slow now. I guess things could get out of hand, but it helps to have it. It gives some sort of connection. I know a lot of singles that pretty full lives and busy lifestyles, but it's good to have a place to call "home" - some place where other singles can share how they make it on their own. Plus, it's just plain good to have company, especially without people trying to "size you up", like on "match" sites.

    Bookmark   September 26, 2007 at 11:26PM
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lcw1947

What is TSL? or who? and why?

    Bookmark   September 27, 2007 at 7:31AM
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pris

I'm with Linda. What is TSL? I've been a lurker for a long time responding rarely to posts as I didn't have a lot of time to hang out on the internet. I should be more abbreviation literate but I'm not.

Pris

    Bookmark   September 27, 2007 at 9:21AM
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mimi_boo

TSL - The Single Life. Guess I should have said that!

Barbara

    Bookmark   September 27, 2007 at 10:07AM
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eclair

What about you? Are you ready to make room for another? Or are you truely content as you are?

I'm absolutely ready to make room for another.
I'm absolutely NOT content as I am.

I despise living alone. I suspect it's slowly driving me insane. Even Scripture says it is not good for man (or woman) to be alone.

I was traumatized for about two years after my husband left me after 25 years of marriage. Then I realized he had done me the biggest favor and I thoroughly enjoyed the next three to four years. I'm over it now. I need companionship. I need connectedness. I need to be one half of a couple.

I had a manfriend. (Hate the word boyfriend as I don't keep company with boys.) I guess we've broken up. Cowardly of him not to be direct about it, if that's what has happened. I'm not good at anything other than directness - like games or nuances or hints. He's really not good for me, but I've come to realize that, for me, a not-so-good relationship is better than no relationship.

    Bookmark   September 29, 2007 at 9:55PM
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lcw1947

I used to call them gentelmen callers or my gentleman friend..

Linda

    Bookmark   September 30, 2007 at 8:17AM
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Gerry1117

eclair, your post made me feel a little sad. Please don't be willing to settle for less than you are worthy of.

    Bookmark   September 30, 2007 at 6:51PM
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eclair

Gerry1117: I'm very sad at being so lonely. What I'm worthy of isn't out there. Again, for me, a not-so-good relationship is better than no relationship. This I know.

    Bookmark   September 30, 2007 at 8:50PM
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gneegirl

Being alone can be difficult - I don't like it at all. But, I'm not sure right now if I can stand having someone around ALL THE TIME!! I agree though, it's nice to have companionship. Just a suggestion though, redirect your energies for now. That's hard too, but it's better to do that, than loose yourself in the lonliness. If you find someone new, they may not understand your doldrums or neediness. I wouldn't necessarily call it independence, but sometimes if you are "whole" in yourself, you are better able to be "whole" with someone, together.

Keep smiling - beauty is as beauty does!! Someone new may just notice your beauty - inner and outer.

    Bookmark   September 30, 2007 at 11:52PM
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Jonesy

Good for you Linda, I am not good at expressing myself and you said it for me. I have made 2 very good friend in the housing development I bought into and we keep each other pretty busy. We laugh, even giggle like we were in high school. I gawk at the good looking young studs and they have a bet going that I will be the first one married. But, they don't know me as well as they think they do. LOL Depending where we go, I often put on my wedding rings, I call them my armor. Being 70 though, I don't think I would have a problem anyway. LOL

    Bookmark   October 5, 2007 at 11:29PM
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