Survey: What is the scientific evidence on how to woo a man?

berainAugust 3, 2005

Men?

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mjmercer

Hoo boy, this question SO reminds me of that old joke:

"How should a man woo a woman? Flowers, candy, etc.

How should a woman woo a man? Show up naked with a six-pack." lol

Sorry berain, I just HAD to do it! lol

Karen

    Bookmark   August 4, 2005 at 8:09AM
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sylviatexas1

and don't stand in front of the tv!

    Bookmark   August 12, 2005 at 8:14PM
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centralcacyclist

Hmmm, I think it's odd that no one has posted a serious response here. Men?

    Bookmark   August 22, 2005 at 9:16AM
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olphart

One of the biggest complaints I hear from women is about a manÂs tendency to lie. Take it from someone who knows  women are just as bad, if not worse that are men!

I was on an Internet matchmaker service off and on for a number of years. I had quite a few first dates, and with most of them, I discovered that the women had lied about one thing or another. Some were out and out lies, such as about weight, age, etc. Other times it was a lie of omission, like posting a photo that was 20 years old, smoking, etc.

For the life of me, I never could understand why a woman (or man) would lie about something that would be found out when you met them.

How do you woo a man? Be honest with him. DonÂt be afraid to let him know your shortcomings, because he will discover them in the end. If you are flat-chested, donÂt wear a padded bra. If your hips are a bit wide, donÂt wear a girdle (or whatever yÂall wear theseadays).

Most men donÂt require perfection, no matter what you women may think. And if they do, then they probably arenÂt worth having in the first place.

    Bookmark   November 28, 2005 at 2:28PM
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mimi_boo

Very refreshing insight!

A non-perfect woman...

    Bookmark   November 29, 2005 at 12:45PM
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olphart

Thanks, Mimi!

There was a segment on lying just this morning on the Today Show. It was generally conceded that women lie just as much as men, but about different things. What men are supposed to be good (bad) about is lying about their marital status. I have a personal insight on that as well.

In conversing with numerous women online over the past few years, I have encountered many who complain mainly about two issues. One is men lying about being married. The other is about how "controlling" men are.

After a very unscientific survey, it seems most of the women who encounter married men meet men mostly or exclusively in bars and clubs. Need I go on? I mean, just what do they expect?

As to men who are controlling, the complaints in most cases is that all the men they get involved with turn out to be controlling. Hmmmm, do ya think maybe they are attracted to controlling men? I donÂt mean attracted to the control, rather they are attracted to personality types where control comes naturally.

Controlling men are usually decisive and have a high degree of confidence  at least outwardly. Those can be attractive traits. But you have to take the good with the bad  that is if you choose to take it.

People who feel "controlled" usually facilitate it. They allow themselves to be controlled because they lack the backbone of know-how to do anything about it. The same holds true for people who "make you mad". No one can make you mad. You make yourself mad because you let the other person get to you. Being mad is being unable to control the situation.

    Bookmark   November 29, 2005 at 1:28PM
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mjmercer

Blaming the victim. Hmmmmm.

    Bookmark   November 29, 2005 at 1:51PM
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olphart

I'm not "blaming" anyone, merely stating what my observations were.

    Bookmark   November 29, 2005 at 2:06PM
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msmagoo

Controlling men usually are very insecure, not confident, someone who is controlling can easily become abusive, emotionally as well as physically.

    Bookmark   November 29, 2005 at 2:37PM
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olphart

I agree, Msmagoo. That's why I added "at least outwardly" to my comment above.

    Bookmark   November 29, 2005 at 4:40PM
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centralcacyclist

There are many ways to exert "control" in a relationship. Some people control all the contact by not picking up the phone or returning phone calls. Some people do so by withholding affection if the other person displeases them. It doesn't take me long to spot the signs (and they wonder why they are still single!) and I get over them really quickly.

As for the honesty issues: the internet breeds a certain sense of "liberty" with the facts based in anonymity. Lying without LYING. Example: men who post all photos with a hat are thinning or bald. (Bald is fine, a comb-over is not!) I have many men who admitted to fudging their age by 5-10 years on their profiles. They want to attract younger women and I guess they really think the woman won't notice they are looking a bit long in the tooth for 42! Or they really think they don't look their age. (most often they do!) The ones that make me smile are the ones who list their hair color as brown or blond and the photo clearly shows GRAY or WHITE hair. All the mirrors must be covered or in very dark places at their homes. Or the unemployed guys who list their income (if they had a job to go to) as 100,000. Yes, met a few of those.

We won't even go into the married-and-wanting-a-little-on-the-side ones. But there is a particularly skanky variation of the married and straying man: the one whose wife is the primary bread-winner who doesn't want to starve or alter his nice lifestyle, just wants some loving. (of course, the wife doesn't understand his need for physical love, blah, blah) His wife is exhausted and stressed out from having to do it all, make the money, and the cooking and cleaning! Puh-lease.

So, Pete, you are no longer single. Tell us how you met your sweetie and how you knew she was the one?

    Bookmark   November 29, 2005 at 6:45PM
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olphart

BarnMom, my "sweetie" and I have been together for 3 ½ years. I hate to admit it, but this is the longest relationship I have ever been in. It is also different from any other relationship I have ever been in before because it is strictly platonic.

Although we have lived together for nearly all that time, we have each had our own places, with the exception of periods of transition. I have had this place in Bastrop for a year and a half. We moved in here in mid September, and she has been looking for a house since before then. However, she is not sure she wants to stay in Bastrop. So, you see, all is not as perfect with us.

However, there is a tacit understanding that we will be monogamous. We donÂt have a physical relationship, but we wonÂt seek one outside the relationship, either.

ThatÂs probably more information than you wanted to know, but thatÂs the way it is.

BTW, I was on Houston Matchmaker dotcom as well as Austin, Dallas, San Antonio and other Matchmaker locations. DonÂt know what it is like now, but I thought it was a great service.

    Bookmark   November 29, 2005 at 8:04PM
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msmagoo

BarnMom,
You're smarter than I was, i was involved with someone who did those things that you described, if fact I thought I loved the guy & I was just being insecure. He was very confusing one minute sweet and loving the next like he was angry but I didn't know why. He started accusing me of doing things I didn't, then I heard that his wife had left after years of emotional abuse that finally turned physical, that was scared me, after breaking up with him, started spreading rumors about me. It was such a difficult time in my life, I hope i've learned enough to never put myself in that type of situation again.

    Bookmark   November 29, 2005 at 8:22PM
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bogi

Barn Mom,

As long as you touched on it, I have a question.

Why is a man with a hat on being dishonest about his hair, and a woman with make up on, isn't being dishonest about her looks?

Seems a bit of a double standard because some women don't even look like the same person after a session in front of the mirror.

Regards.....

Bob

    Bookmark   November 29, 2005 at 10:11PM
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jeaninwa

Hey Bob, I'm guessing it's cuz a woman isn't hiding the fact that she doesn't have a FACE.

Now if she was wearing a veil, wouldn't you say she was hiding something?

Jean

    Bookmark   November 29, 2005 at 10:58PM
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bogi

what if Ihad hair under my hat?

What if she was hiding lines with make-up?

what if she was changing the color of her skin with blush.

color it any way you want.....things are not as they appear

    Bookmark   November 29, 2005 at 11:02PM
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bogi

Ok....that makes a man that wears a toupe honest. It's not that people don't have this or that .....it is that the changing of the appearance is the deception. Isn't that what it boils down to? He covers his head....she covers her face. (with make up)

    Bookmark   November 29, 2005 at 11:19PM
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bogi

Jan,

Maybe she is hiding the FACT that SHE doesn't have... rosie red lips, creamy skin, (or a tan), lush dark eyebrows, long lucious eylashes. FACT is....she is putting things over things she doesn't have. Why is it any different?

    Bookmark   November 29, 2005 at 11:27PM
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jeaninwa

So, does that mean if you wear deoderant, you're being dishonest of the fact that you have body odor????

A hat isn't something that someone normaly wears for a picture. Unless it's a baseball cap. And, I would guess that if a man wears a baseball cap constantly, he's got a problem with the top of his head that he's not comfortable with.
Maybe it's the same with makeup, but it is socially acceptable for a woman to wear makeup. It doesn't mean she's trying to hide something. She still HAS eyelashes under that mascara. She still HAS lips under that lipstick.

You know, the sexes were NOT created equally. Accept it.
Otherwise, date a man. Wearing a hat if you want.

Jean

    Bookmark   November 30, 2005 at 10:57AM
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lpinkmountain

I don't mind the hat thing, if you're outdoors. I imagine the top of your head gets cold. But I can usually figure out the squishing the digital photo thing.

    Bookmark   December 9, 2005 at 8:52PM
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centralcacyclist

Squishing the digital photo! LOL! You mean to look thinner? Too funny.

    Bookmark   December 9, 2005 at 8:57PM
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lpinkmountain

Yup. It's all about proportions. I can figure out those Victoria's "Secret" models too.

    Bookmark   December 9, 2005 at 9:44PM
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bogi

No Jean,

We put on deodorant as a courtesy to others. So that we not offend them with our body odor.

If a woman constantly wears control top pantyhose, she's got a problem with her mid-section. Ditto, the bondo mug.

Funny how you mention that the sexes were not created equal.....till there is a beef about equality.

OH!!...and men...be it advised, that it is not socially acceptable to wear a hat. (what century are we in?)

Get real Jean. If a woman can wear something that makes her feel better....so can a man.

    Bookmark   December 10, 2005 at 1:01AM
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copanolady

Re: The hat thing. The funny thing is, I think bald headed men are sexy. Look at Ull (how do you spell his name?) Brinner. Lots of military and good looking basketball stars shave their heads and I personally think it looks good. Not to say hair doesn't look good too, I just think men who try to cover their impending baldness are not fooling anyone and are trying to do something that is counter productive. As I said, one of the most handsome men I was aquainted with was bald as a billiard. Guys, trust me, the comb over is not only not fooling anyone, it's silly and sometimes laughable. Don't do it! Be comfortable with who you are, hair or no hair. Just musing.

    Bookmark   December 10, 2005 at 11:34AM
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centralcacyclist

Actually bald is sexy. A fringe or a combover is not. Shaved is cool. And probably a bit brisk in midwinter in Wisconsin! So wear a hat. It's not a bad thing. Unless it's an ugly hat!

As for makeup and bras and control top panyhose (hate those things!) and hairspray and other fem enhancements: most men I know like the effect of a pushup bra, a bit of makeup, and a hairdo. It is the rare woman who looks great with her slicked into a ponytail and not a smidge of makeup. And those women are usually under the age of 22.

    Bookmark   December 10, 2005 at 4:05PM
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lpinkmountain

Well that explains it. BarnMom, you've just described my signature look--no makeup, hair slicked into a ponytail, (beats combing it).
But I have a great personality.

"Everybody knows that it's testosterone that turns a full head of hair into a chrome dome. But testosterone is what makes a man a man, makes him do the things that can make a womaan go . . . ahhhh. Let it go, let it go, it's a natural thing, like a fish in a stream, like a bird on the wing. I love bald-headed men oh yeah"
Christine Lavin.

    Bookmark   December 10, 2005 at 10:16PM
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copanolady

Whoa, Ms.Rose - You said exactly what I wanted to say but was too chicken, I guess. That's not a fable or a joke, testosterone IS what makes a man bald and makes a man....well, a man. I know from experience. 'nuf said.

    Bookmark   December 10, 2005 at 10:33PM
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bogi

Well.....as the saying goes. You either have hair...or hormones.

You girls sure know how to make friends! :)

Another thing.

You are right. Combovers really make a guy look dippy. Now what would you suggest a man do with his folically challenged scalp. Not much a dude can do, (not "dippity do" inclined either) with his available hair. Sides and back grow normal...but the center to front ....thats another story. Have thought about buzzing it all...but not sure that is what's best. I don't really worry about it much...but it does present it's drawbacks at times.

(Ok...where do I send the chocolates. You two kinda propped me up a bit)

Regards....

Bob

    Bookmark   December 10, 2005 at 11:46PM
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mjmercer

I read a long time ago that a man inherits baldness through his mother's side of the family. So if you want to confirm where yours came from, I guess you should take a look at Mom's brothers at the next family get-together. :o)

Karen

    Bookmark   December 11, 2005 at 8:51AM
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mimi_boo

I heard that too Karen. Bob, talk to your stylist. I'd opt to go really short. Look at pictures or celebrities who have done so. Matt Lauer, Bruce Willis. They're both very good looking with short short hair. Go for it! Bald is SEXY!

    Bookmark   December 11, 2005 at 9:14AM
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bogi

Thanks grandpa!!

I have heard it comes from your mother's father. And he was definately bald. But.... an amazingly talented man, I might add.

Alas...my mother has no brothers. I have three other male sibs. Every other one has had pattern baldness beginning with the second oldest.

I would trade a bit of the testosterone for some hair at times. Not to have hair...just to mitigate the "drive" sometimes. It becomes distracting at times. My partners have never complained about lack....and I like to make sure there are some oooohhhs to go with the ahhhhs that lpinkmountain spoke of. Nothing more gratifying than the pleased smile on a woman's face.

You people have a nice day!

Bob

    Bookmark   December 11, 2005 at 2:42PM
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centralcacyclist

I look like a peeled onion with my hair in a ponytail! Always have. Sigh. Not a look that works for me. But hey, you must be one of those natural beauties! Lucky you!

    Bookmark   December 11, 2005 at 5:19PM
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