Advice Needed (LONG)
Anyone can comment but I would especially like the mens point of view on this. Here is the situation, I thought I could make it short but no luck.
I've had a friend for about 4-5 years now and he's had the same girlfriend for 3-4 of the years I've known him. He and I met about six months before they did. When we first met we each liked someone else and had no interest in each other but we really clicked and became friends. Then we didn't see each other for about two months and thats when he met the new girl and they started dating. When the new semester started we had classes together again and when you saw me you saw him. We could talk on the phone for hours even though we just got through hanging out together. I started to like him and I believe he was into me too but since he was already dating the new girl ( I don't mess with a guy who has a girl) and I wasn't sure I wanted to change the friendship to a romantic one I always acted like I wasn't interested in him and would act like he was just joking when he would say or do something relationshipy with me. After a few months he told me he didn't think he wanted to be with her anymore and was going to break up with her. I encouraged him to try and work it out. Why? I was trying to do the right thing, didn't want it to seem like I was encouraging him just to have him for myself. If he did break up with her it wouldn't be because of anything I said it would be his own free will. So I encouraged him to try and fix the problems. They did and then six months later he said he was going to end it again. I was the same supportive friend telling him to work it out. ONLY if he really didn't think she could be the long hall girl should he end it. No since in leading her on just to hurt her more later. So they stayed together. At one point she really didn't like me because she thought there was something going on between us, I didn't know he was talking with me on the phone for hours when he was on a date with her. So I told him we couldn't talk to each other every day anymore. He didn't think there was anything wrong and didn't want to even got mad but did it anyway. We spoke to each other once every two months or so. After a year of this we started talking to each other more and eventually got back up to the everyday thing but I always made sure to ask if he was with her when I called and if he was I said I'd talk to him later since I knew he wouldn't tell me and just talk to me for hours. I didn't want her thinking I was trying to steal him away again. (little did she know I was the reason they were still together) I still liked him all this time. He still liked me too, I think, he seemed to anyway. All my associates thought we behaved like a married couple. We knew everything about each other, talked about anything and everything with each other, they thought it was wierd that we would even talk to each other while on the toilet ( why hang up and call back its only gonna take a minute anyway) He sent me a pic of him on the toilet one day when I texted him and asked him what he was doing. (waist up only) It was hilarious. No one else seems to think so but we became that close. He would text me to say when he was going to work, coming home, having lunch, taking a dump it didn't matter we talked all the time and about anything. So rewind to over a year ago we started adding stupid sex jokes to our conversations and a few months later (april last year) we ended up having sex it only happened the one time. It was a mistake I wasn't going to repeat. He wanted to repeat it and since then has continued to try and get that to happen. I finally just asked him if he was cheating on her with other women and he said no, I asked him why he wants to with me he says I just do. ...huh? I know he hasn't been cheating he works way too much and the rest of the time he's talking to me. Plus he's told me in the past when he was cheating.Of which she told him she didn't care she wasn't going to let him go.(she is ten years his senior him 30 her 40 and she looks it in another three years he's going to look like he's dating his mother.She is aging quickly) I finally just asked him if he loved her and he wouldn't answer me. I told him I thought that even though we weren't physically cheating that we were having an emotional affair. I read up about it on line it happens between friends sometimes we fit most of what they said about it. We couldn't go more than five days without talking to each other and five days was a strain. Finally after I pushed him the next day to answer me he told me yes. I asked him why he wouldn't answer me when I first asked him he told me he was undecided.....again huh? Iyour with someone for three years but you don't know if you love them. So I told him if that was the case we really needed to just not talk to each other so much and cut way back like we did before so he can be in his relationship without me being in the mix so to speak. Yeah again with the noble crap. Its who I am. So for the past month and a half we have only texted each other four times and they were very short, two responses tops about two min. instead of a 30 min long text session. This past week he has tried to text me more than once but I only respond with a smiley or something and won't actually talk to him or just not answer. Recently I have begun to think he is just playing me, trying to get me to have sex with him and have told him so. He denies it but won't say he has feelings for me. I haven't come right out and asked either, don't see the point when he has been with this woman now for three years, she got pregnant last sept. but had to abort do to a problem with the baby. He claims the pregnancy was an accident but I found it funny that in all the years he was in school they never got pregnant and then two months after he graduates she pops up prego and they move in together.Told him so too. He denies. If I hadn't threatened to end our friendship he would still be acting like he was interested in me and talking about sex. He knows I don't want kids. I'm 40 too but not rushing for a relationship or worrying about my clock ticking, not stressing the age, I guess it helps that I don't look it most people think I'm about 27 great genes! The jealous girl in me does wonder why he's with someone who looks like she's his mother. I keep her under wraps though. I'm really not one to toot my own horn but I'm very pretty.
I truly think we did start of as real friends but now I don't think he has any real interest in that anymore, now I think he just wants to have me on the side and stay with her. What is your take was he playing me from the begining? Or did I push him away by acting like I only wanted friendship in the beginning when their relationship was just begining and screw up the chance I had and now he is just taking revenge/advantage because he knows now that I do want more? Whats your take on everything?
I'm really about to just end the friendship all together. This is why I tried so hard to keep us as just friends and forget about that one mistake. You start getting groiny with a friend you always end up losing them. When we met I had no interest in having a best friend again since the one I had died on 911. Didn't want to feel like another girl was taking her place then we met and clicked and somehow it seemed ok because he wasn't a girl. Anyhow sorry so long but you kinda needed the back story.
Oh and by the way I'm not sitting around pining away for him I date and he knows this we have talked about the guys.