Older women, younger men....

patty_cakesAugust 17, 2012

I've been recently widowed, and although I would love to date, it wouldn't be older men. I have so much energy and the older men I come across seem to only talk about their doctor visits or where they're going to eat next.

I met a younger man years ago who called me when my DH passed, and we seemed to have a connection w/similar interests~~flea markets, antiques, gardening, movies, tv shows, travel, etc. He's called me twice to see how i'm doing, but we never talk about our single lives, and I would be very interested in dating him. Do you, or have you dated younger, and by how many years? And *where* do you meet them? ;o)

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emma

It doesn't have be dating at first, just go to the movie or dinner together. When he calls, tell him you are going to a movie or dinner and ask if he wants to go. If you want to go somewhere for the week end, tell him you would love some company. If he were a woman friend you wouldn't think anything about it. If you go out with him as a friend, let him bring up dating then follow his lead. When I was younger I was always attracted to older men, the guys my age were a bit immature for me. Our association garden has a girl friend who is 20 years old than he is. It works and that is what we all want.

    Bookmark   August 19, 2012 at 10:02PM
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sayhellonow

Hi Patty,

I "think" I'm dating a man who is younger than me, but I'm not positive. When he asked me out, I said, "I think I'm older than you." His response was, "I don't care how old you are," and then told me he had said to a friend of his, "Why can't I have someone like her?" I've known him for several years, so I accepted. We've been dating on and off now for several months and we still don't know each other's age. I have always made it a point to date only men my age or older, so I'll see how it goes.

Carolyn

    Bookmark   August 24, 2012 at 7:51PM
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patty_cakes

I was excited to see I had posts to my thread! Thank you Emma and Carolyn.

Ok , let me take this further. He doesn't live in the US, he's European, and lives there, so a casual asking out to a movie is impossible. I want him to come to the states, but don't know how to approach this. He's a carpenter, and I have a new house with a family room I would like to add bookshelves to, and have thought to offer to buy a ticket in exchange for his carpentry. Does this seem to forward? If he were interested in having any sort of relationship with me would he call or might he think that too forward of him?

    Bookmark   August 27, 2012 at 5:21PM
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emma

I am sorry I didn't get back to this site, it is not very active. I think what everyone wants is to be happy, but I would never invite a stranger into my home male or female, I don't take chances with my safety or my finances. I joined an online single site just out of curiosity. I met one man that didn't ask me to email him which is against the safety rules of the site. We used the site's messaging and emailed a few times. Then he sent me a list of questions so we could get to know each other. The last two questions were about my financial situation. Well I deleted my account.

    Bookmark   August 29, 2012 at 11:43PM
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kayjones

Patty, I'm like Emma - I wouldn't pursue this person. Be safe and smart. You can't even do a background check on someone who lives out of the country, so I'd just let this one drop.

    Bookmark   August 30, 2012 at 3:24PM
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emma

My neighbor's daughter met a guy on the internet, they talked a bit, he came for a visit and proposed. She married him, quit her job, sold her car, packed up and moved to Texas. In one week he had given away her dog and kicked her out. She was stranded, no money to get home. She got a lawyer and found out he had been married 13 times. Turns out he was a sociopath, but not dangerous. He just go off on the big deal of courting, wooing her family, being a great guy and all of that. After it was all settled she and her mother kept on looking for a guy on the internet. They didn't learn a thing.

    Bookmark   August 31, 2012 at 12:07AM
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patty_cakes

I've known this guy off and on for almost 20 years. We have mutual friends, and he's come up in several conversations. He's never married, no children, and comes from a very close family. The last time I saw him was almost 5 years ago, and although married, there was something about him I really liked. Anyway, he has been on my mind.

    Bookmark   August 31, 2012 at 5:41PM
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emma

Then it should be safe enough for a relationship. Best of luck. I am going to stay single the rest of my life, even if I find someone I love. It's to dangerous financially.

    Bookmark   August 31, 2012 at 11:39PM
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rosesr4me

Just discovered this forum (normal lurking grounds is the home and garden forums).

I am a 49 yo woman, widowed for 7 years. I met my current BF 5 years ago..he is 5 years younger. I met him through a coworker who knew we had similiar interests. We are very active - off roading biking,hiking, flyfishing, etc. If things don't work out with us, I will certainly be interested in meeting men my age or younger. Most older men I know are mainly interested in finding a woman to take care of them. I am not interested in remarrying - just finding a loyal man who is peaceful, trusting, and fun! So far my man fits the bill :D)

In the op's situation, unless he makes frequent trips to the US, are you sure you want to start a romantic relationship with someone who lives in another country? I would suggest to him that the next time he is in the US to meet for dinner, but I wouldn't buy him a ticket to do work around your house. Long distance relationships can work for some people, but is very difficult for most. Just my 2 cents.

    Bookmark   September 6, 2012 at 10:56PM
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emma

Roses, I have always said that a lot of men just want someone to do for them, nice to meet someone who feels the same. I have a sign in my kitchen that says, "I know how to cook, I just don't". I don't want to marry either. We spent half our savings on a care home for my husband and the danger of remarrying would be that kind of financial risk, plus the fact the day you marry half of what you own is his. I would like a male friend for friendship only, someone to take a few road trips with.

    Bookmark   October 25, 2012 at 11:21PM
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kayjones

Emma, that's exactly how I feel. I don't need all the mushy-ness nor someone spending the night, blah, blah, blah - I just want someone to hang out with once in a while. I can pay my way and he must pay his - pretty simple, imho!

    Bookmark   October 29, 2012 at 6:14PM
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marylmi

Hi gals! I read the posts every so often but until now have never posted. I have been a widow for 2 yrs. and now I'm to the point where I would like to find someone just for a casual friendship, to maybe go out to dinner, etc. It would be nice too if they were handy for odd jobs around the house! lol!
patty.... you could always connect on the computer via webcam & see how/where that goes. You may find you don't really want to know him better or find you can talk to him for hours but at least he wouldn't be in your home.

    Bookmark   December 1, 2012 at 9:07PM
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Konrad___far_north

If he's got no money to pay for the trip, drop him and never look back!

    Bookmark   January 20, 2013 at 2:11AM
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emma

My friend and her daughter does online dating. Just out of curiosity I tried a dating sight just to see what it was like. I paid the $15. and posted everything except a photo, didn't have a close up one. Three or four men emailed me through the site but they wanted to visit with me through our personal email. That was the number 1 warning/rule on the site, don't share your email. I ignored those men. Finally one guy emailed me and I replied. He said all the right things that a gullible person wants to hear. I thought he over did the good values he had. After 5 or 6 emails he said he was sending me a list of questions that would help us get to know each other. I started the list with answers AND when I got to the last two questions. It was just what I expected 2 financial questions. I told my neighbor, she asked his name and I said Michael and you should have seen the look on her face, Priceless! It was the same site she used.

    Bookmark   February 21, 2013 at 8:16PM
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DawnSmith

EmmaR - Your comment about "Michael" has peaked my interest. I think I might have crossed the same path, in a different manner. I live in Minnesota. Did he give any details about himself, wondering if it the same guy?

    Bookmark   July 12, 2013 at 10:24AM
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emma

It is now July of 1013 and here I am with an update on my life, if you call it that. I hope all is well you all. I am bored as usual and the battle with the HOA goes on, but it takes care a lot of the boredom. LOL

I haven't met anyone and haven't tried. I had two guys who wanted an affair with me, but affairs to me means their married and they were. One I really really, really liked, but I am not going down that road.

Dawn I replied to your letter and decided to check this out again. Sorry, I did repeat some of this.

    Bookmark   July 12, 2013 at 12:09PM
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DawnSmith

Thank you! I can't find your reply, it's not in my email and I don't know where to look on this site?

    Bookmark   July 12, 2013 at 12:28PM
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emma

Dawn maybe that is why no one replied to any of the emails I received through GW. Quite often the sender and I write back and forth a couple of times, but not anymore.

    Bookmark   July 12, 2013 at 6:46PM
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patty_cakes

Henrik was due to visit last christmas, but with family coming, and my husband having passed a little over a year before, re-thought the idea, and needed to consider my children. He called and I relayed this back to him, and he wasn't too happy. He said he was really looking forward to visiting, didn't expect me to pay for the ticket, and doing any work would only be me requiring to pay for what was needed. I let him know I didn't think my family would be comfortable with his being here, to which he became annoyed and left me pi**ed off. We haven't spoken since, whereas he was calling almost monthly. I still think of him and what might have been a friendship or maybe more. Please tell me I need to 'GET OVER IT'(said by Cher in one of her movies).

Would love a dinner, movie, etc., with a male other than my son! Dating sites? Don't want an older man, and that's what the choices would be for someone my age. Am I doomed to be alone the rest of my life? I'm a very young 71 year old! Single cruises anyone? I would love to take a river cruise to Europe !

    Bookmark   October 3, 2013 at 7:30PM
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emma

It is now Oct 2013 and here I sit, still fighting with the HOA and now gnats in my house plants. Don't know which is worse, the HOA prez or the gnats. Awww, the HOA prez is worse, I can put a few pellets in the flower pots and the gnats are history. Not so with the Prez. LOL A pre meeting..meeting with 3 neighbor's will be held in my home tomorrow to discuss what options we have to replace the HOA board member or get them to use a little common sense or to stop breaking the law at our expense. It probably won't amount to anything, but at least we will have tried.

    Bookmark   October 12, 2013 at 8:30PM
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emma

Wanted to add. I called a lawyer he said he would download our covenants and get back with me. No charge yet. I am willing to pay up to a point. I want the board and the prez especially to know I am not renting, I own my home and the lot and they cannot change anything without my permission.

    Bookmark   October 14, 2013 at 8:37PM
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