What those Personal Ads Really Mean

Gina_WJuly 31, 2003

By request from Daisy - here you go Miss Daisy:

WOMEN'S ADS:

==================

40-ish....................49

Adventurer............Slept with all your friends

Athletic..................No t!ts

Average looking.....Has a face like a basset hound

Beautiful.................Pathological liar

Contagious Smile....Does a lot of Ecstasy

Emotionally Secure.. Medicated

Feminist.................Fat ballbuster

Free spirit...............Junkie

Friendship first.......Trying to live down reputation as a s!ut

Fun....................... Annoying

Gentle....................Comatose

Good Listener........Borderline Autistic

New-Age................All body hair, all the time

Old-fashioned.........Lights out, missionary position only

Open-minded..........Desperate

Outgoing.................Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate...............Sloppy drunk

Poet.......................Depressive Schizophrenic

Professional............Certified B!tch

Redhead.................Bad dye-job

Reubenesque..........Grossly Fat

Romantic................Looks better by candle light

Social.....................Been passed around like an hors

d'oueuvres tray

Voluptuous.............Very Fat

Weight proportion w/ height..Hugely Fat

Wants Soulmate...................Stalker

Widow.......................Drove first husband to shoot

himself

Young at heart.............Old bat

================

MEN'S ADS

================

40-ish....................52 and looking for 25-yr-old

Athletic..................Watches a lot of NASCAR

Average looking.....Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back

Educated...............Will patronize the sh!t out of you

Free Spirit..............Banging your sister

Friendship first.......As long as friendship involves nookie

Fun........................Good with a remote and a six pack

Good looking.........Arrogant

Very good looking....Dumb as a board

Honest...................Pathological Liar

Huggable...............Overweight, more body hair than a bear

Likes to cuddle.......Insecure mama's boy

Mature...................Older than your father

Open-minded.........Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested

Physically fit...........Does a lot of 12-ounce curls

Poet.......................Wrote ex-girlfriend's number on a bathroom stall

Sensitive.................Cries at chick flicks

Very sensitive.........Gay

Spiritual.................Got laid in a cemetery once

Stable....................Arrested for stalking, but not

convicted

Thoughtful.............Says "Excuse me" when he farts

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Tinmantu

Delete this post immediately!!...you are giving away all my secrets, dangit.... :) (serious now) Hadn't seen these before, gave me a chuckle..thanks

    Bookmark   July 31, 2003 at 9:06PM
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cube1067

Haven't signed on in a while. Glad I did today. This one's a keeper! (and I was just thinking about giving the ads a try again) Thanks for the yuks.

    Bookmark   August 10, 2003 at 1:09PM
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lulie___wayne

So cute, Gina. Thanks!
LU

    Bookmark   August 11, 2003 at 11:08AM
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sylviatexas1

What a hoot!

I've dated the 40-ish, athletic, friendship first, fun, good-looking, honest guy!

He said I was too independent & hard to get along with...

But I have one to add:

Independent: If he has a job, he'll quit as soon as you become a couple.

    Bookmark   September 22, 2003 at 5:24PM
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