background check

frankiesgirlJuly 23, 2008

someone said in another thread that they would have a background check on the next man they considered having a relationship with (not verbatim).

I agree...sadly, and even though i have already been with my BF for 1.5 years, I have my concerns as to his past. I have learned he is a hyperbolist and I am beginning to wonder how much of his stories are true or over glorified.

I know a lot of you may be thinking if i feel like this now then i should just get out and not bother, but i have my reasons for staying right now.

my question is, has anyone ever had a background check done on someone they are with? How would you go about it and what kind of information can you find out.

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frankiesgirl, There are several places you can find on line for such things. Among them is Intellius, which I have used. You can get minimal info for free, but more in depth searches, such as criminal record, financial, etc., will cost a few dollars.

For such things as trying to find out if a person is on a sexual offenders list, you can check public records for free, and they have pictures more times than not. Just google for sexual offenders in whatever county or city you might be interested.

Sad, isn't it, that sometimes one must resort to such actions?

    Bookmark   July 23, 2008 at 8:30PM
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If you're considering getting marriage-like serious, I suggest you mutually agree to exchange thorough credit and legal-record searches and your last three years' tax returns so you both know what you're dealing with.

If you're not at that point, don't do it. If he finds out you've done it clandestinely, you'll be history whether there's anything in there or not.

Curious to know what binds you to a chronic liar...or exaggerator...or whatever you want to call him.

    Bookmark   July 23, 2008 at 11:53PM
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And it's not just criminal stuff it's financial disaster. My sis's neighbor married and had to pay off her new husband's outstanding bankruptcy debts.

    Bookmark   July 24, 2008 at 2:30PM
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I know!!! I just recovered from my own financial disaster over the last decade due to divorce and I can't afford to go through it again. At this point I have way too much to lose and I dont even have a lot! But what I have, I worked hard for.

asolo, I understand your point, it would be the right thing to do and the right way to go about it, but we're not to that point and I dont know if I want marriage with him...or anyone for that matter.

I wouldnt say he was a chronic liar, I've never caught him in one like I have with men in the past, it's just that some of his experiences are out there and I wonder how true they are. Also there is the financial concern. He claims to have made millions yet he hasnt a pot to piss in, and is it all due to divorce? That and his complete inablility to keep his finances in order. Is he that dumb?

Maybe I'm paranoid...or cautious, or both. I am afraid I might see something I dont want to see then I would be forced to end the relationship. But it would be better now than in another year or two gone by!

    Bookmark   July 24, 2008 at 3:56PM
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Money comes and goes. Could be legit. Divorces can, indeed, be expensive and they can whack you out mentally/emotionally enough that everything else goes to hell, too. Maybe he had one of those. In any event, that was then; this is now. Where's he at now? Three questions:

1) How long ago was that?

2) How's he been doing commercially in the 1.5 years you've known him?

3) How do know anything about any of it anyway other that what he's said to you? How would you know his finances are "in order" or not?

I think a simpler approach -- which I think would be just fine to bring up after 1.5 years -- would be your feelings and concerns about what's true and what isn't and why it's important to you. Face-to-face right out there. If you're thinking about hitching your wagon to this star, I don't see the problem with it. Of course you'll risk a bad reaction but you'll be risking that with a clandestine search anyway. This is perfectly reasonable grown-up stuff for folks who have been alive for a while. It might even bring you closer.

I'm not wealthy by any measure and I don't require wealth as a prerequisite from anyone. However, I do insist upon social and financial/commercial competence in those I'm interested in. If I find my 45-year-old, object-of-affection is broke, in-debt, with whacked credit, 2 payments in arrears, and 4 tickets in the last year, that's a deal-breaker. It really doesn't matter how beautiful she may be or how good in bed. I expect my friends to know how to run their lives. In that regard, I'm sympathetic to your concerns.

    Bookmark   July 24, 2008 at 5:25PM
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