Is Guy Time Different from Girl Time?

Carrie BJuly 30, 2003

In terms of picking up the phone after a very nice first date, where you both obviously had a good time, were attracted to each other, and had a lot to talk about.

I've gotten lots of opinions, from both men and women, coupled and single. Opinions vary wildly on this subject. Some feel that a woman should wait until the man calls. Others say that's old fashioned nonsense. Others say to wait at least 2 days or 3 days. Etc. on and on.

What do you do?

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Tinmantu

Ah, the game of love......The man leaves the date, wondering when he should call and wondering if she really wants him to and the woman wonders if he is really going to call...as one gets out of the twentys and thirties, they tend to be bold enough to make the other feel free to call ANYTIME,before the final goodnight and then back it up by doing so...I don't even think twice about whether I should call or not, the same evening, to thank her for a wonderful evening (again) if it seems that we really hit it off...I try to make my date comfortable enough to feel the same way..sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't...but how many people have missed out on something special because they didn't make that "second move" first?

    Bookmark   July 30, 2003 at 9:02PM
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Carrie B

Thanks Mike. I like the way you think.

I'm old enough to think I should just do what feels right - forget the rules, forget the angst, just do it. It just took me a few days to get there.

    Bookmark   July 31, 2003 at 9:58AM
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Tinmantu

Glad you got there Carrie...It definitely makes life a lot easier when you don't go around in life worrying about what the proper protocol is for a situation that really has no rules...just do what's in your heart

    Bookmark   July 31, 2003 at 11:13PM
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Daisyduckworth

Times may have changed since I was young, but men haven't. They like to do the chasing, and if they feel they are the prey, oh brother can they get up some speed - they disappear in no time flat. Scalded rabbits have nothing on a man who's being pursued! When a man says 'I'll call you', he really means 'Don't call me'. If he's interested, he'll call in a day or two. If not - notch it up to experience. A man knows if you're keen or not, but he won't always give the right 'messages' and needs time to think things through. And he likes to call the shots.

    Bookmark   August 7, 2003 at 6:10PM
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Tinmantu

Good words of advice also, Daisy....but to say that all men are like that, would be akin to me saying that because of my experience with my ex-wife and one other lady friend(and thus all women are just like them) then I should just become a monk?..I'm old enough to know better....I'll continue having faith and be happy, just more picky. ;)

    Bookmark   August 7, 2003 at 10:46PM
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Daisyduckworth

Tinmantu, of course there are exceptions to every rule! But in this particular situation, I just haven't met any exceptions, nor have I ever heard of any. While every individual is different, there are some factors which are pretty well standardised, so we can't help generalising a little.

    Bookmark   August 8, 2003 at 7:26PM
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Carrie B

You know, when I was trying to make up my mind (should I call? Should I not call?) I asked EVERYONE for their opinion. Married/single/living together men and women, gay and straight men and women, younger and older, etc. I got about 50% call him and 50% don't call him. I tried to categorize the yesses and the no's to see if the women were saying to call, or the married people were saying not to, or whatever. There were NO generalizations to be made. It was completely across the board. And it's funny because some people were very adamant about calling or not calling, but I just could not break down the numbers into anything but complete randomness.

    Bookmark   August 13, 2003 at 3:03PM
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blueheron

I would not call a man. As Daisy says, men still like to do the pursuing.

    Bookmark   August 24, 2003 at 11:00PM
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quirk

"Times may have changed since I was young, but men haven't"

Sorry, but that simply isn't true. No, I am not male, but I three brothers and many male friends, and almost all of them feel the "man is supposed to make the moves" rule is unfair and puts too much pressure on them, and they are thrilled when a woman takes the initiative to call them. Of course, I mean a woman they're interested in, they're not anymore thrilled than I am to hear from someone they really don't want to see again. If he is interested, he'll probably like it that you called. If he's not interested, he's not gonna call you anyway, so you have nothing to lose by trying. I believe it's probably different in Blueheron and Daisy's age groups (you're both retired, right?), and certainly I have no experience with men of that age so I am not in a position to question them on that point, but in my generation (30's) and younger, men as well as women certainly have changed in their expectations. Sure, there are young people of both genders who still want the "traditional" gender roles, but for the most part that is no longer the case.

    Bookmark   September 8, 2003 at 10:52AM
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kayjones

I am from the old school. I've never "chased" a guy. I would only call if he requested me to. After I have spent much time with him, would I feel comfortable calling him.
The law of nature is that the male chases the female until she catches him! If a guy wants me in his life, he will make sure I know it. If he doesn't call me back after a date, I feel it wasn't meant to be. After all my rambling, it reduces to my vote of: let him call you the first few times.

    Bookmark   November 3, 2003 at 9:31AM
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