What qualities do you look for in a mate?

Toni_KYJune 3, 2003

If you are looking for someone to share your life with, what do you look for?

I want someone who is self-sufficient, who can live without a partner but doesn't WANT to. (Make sense?)

I expect us both to work at least 40 hours/week at our jobs and if I'm running late, I want to be able to call home and say "Honey, I'm ruinning late. Would you start supper (throw a load of clothes in the washer, etc.)" without having to give specific directions as to how to turn on the stove (washing machine, etc.).

What do YOU look for in a potential mate?

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Daisyduckworth

My list is long, but above all else, I demand honesty. Liars, cheats, those who break promises, those who pretend to be something they are not, are not welcome in my life. Once a person (family member, partner, friend, business associate or Prospect - anyone) has broken faith with me, they are wiped off the slate - for good. There are no second chances on this one.

The rest of the list consists of all the usual expectations, such as consideration, kindness, a loving and overtly affectionate nature, a ready sense of humour (but NOT a practical joker!), intelligence (which incorporates having interests and hobbies and can carry a conversation, as well as being reasonably well educated), a person with self-confidence (but is NOT cocky) and so on. At my age, I still want a partner with all parts in reasonable working order. And, something not so common in my age group, I'd like a partner who is house-trained!

    Bookmark   June 4, 2003 at 1:38AM
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coco3

A lot more then the first time around. But breathing would be start.LOL

    Bookmark   June 4, 2003 at 11:20AM
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pandanoke

Pros: Honesty, ambition, absolutely must love animals, good to his family, intelligent (but also able to be dopey), good listener and sharer, able to compromise, and the rest of the "standards"

Strikes: LAZINESS, self-centered, controlling, liars, cheaters, etc. etc.

    Bookmark   June 5, 2003 at 9:20AM
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jessiecarole

someone who would actually like to meet me and not just exchange interminable email or phone calls would be a good start.

    Bookmark   June 6, 2003 at 6:20AM
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teri2

At the top of the list and not open to compromise - he must be considerate of others in what he does and what he says. I mean all others, not just me. A non-smoker; a non-spitter; clean shaven. Financially secure.

On the second tier - I'd prefer someone in my age group that I can reminisce with about the good old days. That makes him an old geezer but he should be reasonably healthy and enjoy being active. I like to go out for various entertainments; he should, too. And (tough for geezers) I'd like an equal partner in my golden years but I don't want to be a maid or a nurse.

A good sense of humor, formally or self educated, an inquiring mind. Someone who plays tennis and/or gardens or someone who enjoys that I do.

Someone who doesn't push an elevator button that is already lit would be the ultimate. That speaks volumes.

Teri

    Bookmark   June 8, 2003 at 3:55PM
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jessiecarole

I like honesty too but men seem to be especially adamant about honesty. At my age, I have some history. At what point in a relationship do you tell certain things? I cant really think of anything specific but sometimes when you mention something down the line that the other person thinks is significant and you dont ("the prison years"~LOL just kidding) , they feel like you havent been honest.

My last date, I kept talking about how I loved to hike and dance (not necessarily at the same time LOL) and the man told me on the ride home that he had a wooden leg. He was a very nice man and I would have enjoyed spending time with him and continued hiking and dancing alone but he did not call again ~sigh~

    Bookmark   June 9, 2003 at 8:26AM
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coco3

I don't believe you owe some one an explanation of your former life. You HAD a life and HE had a life and unless it affects your future relationship (STD's or criminal records that may prevent travelling etc) it shouldn't be an issue. If you need to know all the past and you don't like what you here it's probably the end of what COULD have been a good realationship.

    Bookmark   June 9, 2003 at 10:01AM
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teri2

I agree that telling your entire life story is a not good way to get to know someone. For lots of reasons, one of which is that it probably wouldn't be nearly as interesting to the other person as it is to you. Another is that is would seem terribly self centered. Another is that they'd probably prefer to tell you their story. LOL!

But I don't think the fact that I don't tell everything I know makes me dishonest. I think it makes me wise. Why burden a new relationship with old baggage? If asked specifics, I would certainly answer truthfully. But I think the Army has it right: Never Volunteer!

Teri

    Bookmark   June 9, 2003 at 3:25PM
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lulie___wayne

I think that someone who is close to God would cover so many of the qualities in a man/person that would be good marrying material. If that person honestly wants to please God, then he is going to be honest, loyal, kind, generous, love animals, love his fellow man, etc. Other than that, I have always thought that an older man would be the best. I wouldn't want a younger one to later look at me as the "old lady". LOL I would want him to put me on a pedestal and think of me as his "queen". My husband calls me his "pretty baby". He is only 1 1/2 years older than me, but I wouldn't want him to be younger for sure.
Lu

    Bookmark   June 12, 2003 at 1:00AM
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jessiecarole

I agree Lulie

younger men always think I should be flattered when they tell me the age difference doesnt bother them. I just pat them on the arm and tell them nicely " but it does bother me"

I want someone who remembers the same music and history that I do.

I dont know why I told that litte story about my date with the man with the wooden leg except that if I had known up front, the conversation might have gone in another direction. It was sort of bionic and interesting and didnt bother me a bit. That must be one of those things that its hard to tell..."hello. my name is Fred and I have a wooden leg".

I like a sense of humor and a kind heart. I would also like my man to think I am beautiful even if I am not. I find I like the look of a man if I like the man and good looking doesnt matter if I dont.

    Bookmark   June 12, 2003 at 10:14PM
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caitlina7

For a psychology class we had to come up with a list of at least 40 qualities we would like in an ideal mate. Mine ranged from trust worthy ro musically talented to being able to cook (well). What are some other qualities you had in mind that maybe aren't as obvious as honest, genuine, loyal, etc.?

    Bookmark   April 17, 2007 at 5:15PM
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blacknumber1

Financially secure! Geeze you're all a bunch of shallow gold-diggers.

    Bookmark   April 17, 2007 at 9:52PM
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pris

Well, Black1, you really know how to end a conversation!!

    Bookmark   April 18, 2007 at 11:18AM
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asolo

Financial security and/or commercial viability is as valid a "look for" consideration as any other, seems to me -- for either sex.

For myself, considering a middle-aged person and learning they have little property, trashed credit, and a load of debt would not be attractive to me. In my experience, such characteristics are often indicators of significant future trouble relationship-wise. I prefer people -- friends and prospecive SO's -- who manage their lives well. Finances are certainly part of that. I'm not hung up on "wealth" but I insist upon competence.

    Bookmark   April 18, 2007 at 2:07PM
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blacknumber1

Hey people mess up and sometiems it takes them awhile to get back on their feet. I think you all are shallow and materialistic. And yes, I am pissed that chicks don't dig my broke ass.

    Bookmark   April 18, 2007 at 6:04PM
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asolo

I'll bet not too many others do either.

Best of luck in your search for deep, non-materialistic chicks that are willing to carry you while you're finding your feet. You obviously have a lot to offer.

    Bookmark   April 18, 2007 at 6:13PM
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blacknumber1

What do women think I am, an ATM in a leather jacket? Yes I have a full-time job, yes I own my own home, no I don't have a lot of money, I am sorry if I dont fit into the little microcasm that today's women require.

    Bookmark   April 18, 2007 at 8:20PM
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asolo

We share your sorrow. But not your intellect.

    Bookmark   April 18, 2007 at 10:11PM
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mimi_boo

I don't think he has any intellect to share!

    Bookmark   April 18, 2007 at 10:26PM
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blacknumber1

Man, you guys are no help. And I am even a decent cook to boot. I'm not a loser, I just have no money.

The toilet seat is a whole other issue, I have my bathroom and she has hers.

    Bookmark   April 18, 2007 at 10:29PM
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asolo

"I'm not a loser...."

Fooled me.

    Bookmark   April 19, 2007 at 12:54PM
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mimi_boo

If you have "toilet seat" issues, then you obviously have someone in which to have these issues. Therefore, why are you concerned with how you may or may not "fit into the little microcasm that today's women require."

    Bookmark   April 19, 2007 at 1:30PM
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blacknumber1

I am saying it's a non issue.

Asolo - bite me.

    Bookmark   April 19, 2007 at 7:15PM
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asolo

I would prefer not to intrude on the fleas' territory.

    Bookmark   April 19, 2007 at 8:05PM
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mimi_boo

Well, this forum is at least moving a little.

Blacknumber1 - are you looking to stay home, cook, clean and have dinner ready when the "little woman" gets home from work? Do you do windows, laundry and walk the dog too?

    Bookmark   April 19, 2007 at 9:35PM
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blacknumber1

No, not really, I don't mind doing said tasks when the need arises. Right now my house is a mess because its only me living here and I don't care. There is a weight bench in my kitchen and it isn't going anywhere anytime soon.

    Bookmark   April 19, 2007 at 9:54PM
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simply_sharon

WOW!Such a simple question, and such a variety of answers!
I think when your young you don't think about what you should look for in a realtionship. All there is is "love". However, as we get older and go through some really tough times and are treated really bad by someone you learn what kind of things you are willing to put up with! You learn that you have a choice! Whether you a guy or a girl? Right?
I simply want a partner. Someone to share things with. The good times and the bad. Someone who will work as hard as I do to have the things we want in life. Someone who will contribute as much as I do to the realtionship!

    Bookmark   April 23, 2007 at 8:59PM
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blacknumber1

I like girls that weigh less than I do.

    Bookmark   April 24, 2007 at 4:47PM
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simply_sharon

Blacknumber1 you are a hoot! You made me laugh, what a good way to start a day! Of all of the tings that people look for in a mate, I don't think I've ever heard that one before. Have a great day!

    Bookmark   April 25, 2007 at 8:53AM
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blacknumber1

Sharon, I try.

Hey can I borrow $20.

    Bookmark   April 25, 2007 at 7:48PM
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mimi_boo

No fat women, no poor women. What else?

    Bookmark   April 25, 2007 at 8:59PM
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blacknumber1

I like girls who like horror movies, death metal and hanging out at Home Depot.

    Bookmark   April 25, 2007 at 9:52PM
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asolo

Dream date. Hopefully you'll find all you are seeking. Hopefully you've had a vasectomy.

    Bookmark   April 25, 2007 at 9:56PM
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blacknumber1

Dont worry I hate kids. And I think I have done too many drugs for me to worry about kids.

    Bookmark   April 25, 2007 at 11:10PM
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mimi_boo
    Bookmark   April 25, 2007 at 11:10PM
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simply_sharon

No horror movies, no death metal, and I love Lowe's, not Home Depot. I don't believe your as bad a guy as you try to make yourself sound like! And NO you can't borrow $20.

You are funny though!

    Bookmark   April 26, 2007 at 8:15AM
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blacknumber1

Oh no I am every bit as bad as you think I am. Now I am off to smoke crack and worship S8n.

    Bookmark   April 26, 2007 at 4:16PM
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gabrielesgarden

I totally believe you are as bad as you say you are....you scare me!

financially secure is a bonus, but I agree with asolo, be competent and have your finances in order.

dating sux! it's the same thing over and over again. I like going "solo"! It's less complicated, but I would like to have someone if....if only.

I'm sick of liars and cheaters like the rest of the women. Respect is right up there on the list. No whistlers, no smokers, and for gawdsake they have to have equipment that works and know how to use it well and in an unselfish way!

    Bookmark   May 1, 2007 at 3:03PM
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asolo

"I'm sick of liars and cheaters......etc.."

I'm familiar with the stories. However, be assured men haven't cornered the market on any of it. Self-interested opportunistic people come in every configuration. On the bright side, there are some awfully nice folks out there, too. Recalling an old Gerry Rafferty lyric: "After a while you get to recognize the signs. And if you get it wrong, you'll get right next time. Next time."

    Bookmark   May 1, 2007 at 4:44PM
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gabrielesgarden

believe me I know women can be liars and cheaters too! it's sad that I fall in that gender...though far from that category.

    Bookmark   May 1, 2007 at 5:40PM
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asolo

Sad to be a good woman? Surely I've misunderstood. Be proud of it. The world needs more of those. Men, too.

    Bookmark   May 1, 2007 at 6:53PM
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gabrielesgarden

yes, you misunderstood, i'm not sad to be a good woman of course, I'm sad to be within the same gender of the bad ones. Perhaps I could have wrote that sentance better, but I didnt'.

It's sad that people in general have to have all these bad qualities. My mother can tend to be a man basher and somewhere along the line I picked it up too....until one day when a male friend of mine said to me "why do you say those things, I've never done any of that to you" Ever since then I became aware of what I was saying and stopped. The fact of the matter is, for every negative thing a person can say about a man, it can also be said about a woman. We are different, we act different, we think different, we feel different. It's a fact.

There's this great book out called "what could he be thinking" by Michael Gurian. I think it's a great book for women to read who just cant understand why men act the way they do sometimes. It all boils down to the differences in teh make-up of the brain and of course the hormones.

It's help me a lot! I'm sure there are books out there for men to help understand women better to if any of them are interested.

    Bookmark   May 2, 2007 at 9:14AM
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blacknumber1

*yawns*

*microwaves TV dinner, again*

    Bookmark   May 2, 2007 at 4:30PM
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gabrielesgarden

if you're so bored with microwave tv dinners...again...why not try to cook something? you have the internet, look up a recipe and try to cook it! it could be fun! :-) you might learn something...you might even like it. Then when you do meet a nice girl who doesnt mind the weight bench in the kitchen, you can cook for her, she'll be impressed and wont care that you have no money. :-)

    Bookmark   May 2, 2007 at 4:52PM
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blacknumber1

I hate cooking and I hate grocery shopping. If it was up to me I would eat out every night but its too expenaive.

    Bookmark   May 2, 2007 at 7:40PM
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mimi_boo

What about a cooking class so that you might enjoy it more? There are usually single women there too!

    Bookmark   May 2, 2007 at 8:23PM
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blacknumber1

No, I am too lazy to cook. I don't mind cooking when I have alot of time but I hate cooking when I am tired and hungry. Besides, classes cost money.

Im not cheap, I'm just broke.

    Bookmark   May 2, 2007 at 9:25PM
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mimi_boo

You certainly have an excuse for everything. I give up.

    Bookmark   May 2, 2007 at 10:00PM
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blacknumber1

I dont have excuses, I just have very limited resources.

    Bookmark   May 2, 2007 at 10:41PM
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asolo

Any recognizeable degree of maturity being among them.

    Bookmark   May 2, 2007 at 10:43PM
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gabrielesgarden

I love how this thread has turned into "it's all about blacknumber1"

so it sounds like you just sit around and feel sorry for yourself becasue you have no money. you're too lazy to cook, maybe you're too lazy to go out and make improvements in your own life too.

what do you do for a living? do you even have a job? how old are you? do you have a diploma or degree?

    Bookmark   May 3, 2007 at 8:49AM
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blacknumber1

I will answer your qestions in the order you asked them.

NOYB, yes, under 30, yes.

    Bookmark   May 3, 2007 at 7:26PM
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copanolady

I think you all are being scammed - so called blacknumber is probably somewhere between 12 and 15 years old and enjoying being obnoxious and thinks it's fun.

    Bookmark   May 3, 2007 at 10:10PM
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mimi_boo

SA Rose, you're probably right. Gosh, I hope you're right. If not, he's got more issues than Newsweek!

    Bookmark   May 3, 2007 at 10:12PM
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blacknumber1

nope, I'm 25.

And you guys take everything here way way too seriously.

    Bookmark   May 3, 2007 at 10:46PM
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gabrielesgarden

yer just an odd one, but 25 explains alot! you are the one who seems to be uptight about a lot of things....everyone else here has lived long enough to have learned not to take things so serious., some of us were actually trying to inspire you a little bit but i'm beginning to think you are bored out of your mind and here to f**k with us by making us believe you are some kind of freak....hey...maybe you are! :-)

    Bookmark   May 4, 2007 at 8:57AM
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blacknumber1

Bored - yes.

A freak - yes as well.

    Bookmark   May 4, 2007 at 12:25PM
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gabrielesgarden

hmmm.....yeah, well....good luck with that!

    Bookmark   May 4, 2007 at 1:03PM
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simply_sharon

I don't take this stuff to seriously! I've been way swamped at work and haven't had a chance to log on lately. It's been a long week. End of the semester and students grades were due today. Now I can finally chill for awhile! You guys always make me laugh......

blacknumber1, it's simple if you are so unhappy with your life, change it! You can do anything if you set your mind to it! Think positive........

    Bookmark   May 11, 2007 at 4:35PM
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tianne

So, I am new to this organization. I joined after reading all of your postings about finding a good quality mate (which didn't really include many traits, but I still found interesting). I guess a more important question than that is... DO WOMEN REALLY KNOW WHAT THEY WANT? I was in the middle of having a conversation with my husband about our relationship when he said, "What do you want from me?" I didn't really have a specific answer. I couldn't find the words. We decided to work on one thing a week that each of us wanted the other to improve but I didn't even know where to begin. (Not because he's perfect, but because my list was so long.) Obviously, I need to improve on seeing his good qualities. But in the meantime ladies... What do women want?

    Bookmark   December 19, 2007 at 6:23AM
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kayjones

Communication, compassion, truthfulness, respect, patience - you know, all the positive attributes a human can possess, and I want it RIGHT NOW!!!

    Bookmark   December 19, 2007 at 8:48AM
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carla35

Women want whatever their last boyfriend lacked...

    Bookmark   December 19, 2007 at 11:16AM
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asolo

Carla35...from my own my own experience, I'd stop with "women want".

If I'm to believe what I'm told, men are the same.

And the dance goes on.

    Bookmark   December 19, 2007 at 11:29AM
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kayjones

Yep, Carla - you are right!

    Bookmark   December 19, 2007 at 11:31AM
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carla35

asolo,

I must be having a brain freeze day...not understanding your comments... can you spell it out differently?

    Bookmark   December 19, 2007 at 11:40AM
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asolo

My attempt at humor is apparently insufficiently clever. What I meant was that both men and women "want" things. Exactly what they want seems to me ever-changing depending on how the relationship develops. By saying "the dance goes on", I was referring to our never-ending attempts to couple up regardless.

    Bookmark   December 19, 2007 at 1:07PM
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Tinmantu

"Communication, compassion, truthfulness, respect, patience - you know, all the positive attributes a human can possess, and I want it RIGHT NOW!!!"...LOL Jo!!....been reading a book "Why men don't listen and women can't read maps"...very entertaining...I'd recommend it, thus far.

    Bookmark   December 19, 2007 at 8:16PM
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kayjones

Michael, why not give us a synopsis of what you have read thus far? I have wondered, for years, why men don't listen!

    Bookmark   December 19, 2007 at 10:11PM
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aharter_ptd_net

just to hold on to life and to share with someone.

    Bookmark   April 22, 2011 at 8:50PM
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asolo

Right, bookest. Very profound. Easy, too. If that's all you require, I guess anyone will do.

Why not hook up with blacknumber1? It's only been four years since he last posted and I'm sure he's still available.

Yes sirree....hold on to life and share. That's the ticket.

    Bookmark   April 23, 2011 at 12:10AM
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vala55

I am not looking for a permanent mate, but if I met a man that I wanted to date and travel with his financial situation would be very important for the reasons Aslo mentioned.

    Bookmark   August 14, 2011 at 7:31PM
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gabbythecat

Financially secure - I don't think it's being a gold digger, but realistic, especially as you get older.

I met my (then) FH when I was 39; at the time that I met him, I also met a guy who said that he did "yard work" when I asked him what he did for a living. *Yard Work!* I mean - I imagined him in his high school letter jacket, trundling his lawn mower from house to house - at the age of 40! Maybe I read too much into it, but that sounded neither mature nor financially secure.

Now I'm married to dh; of course, I married him for reasons other than the fact that he is financially secure. But it means a lot to know that although we will never be wealthy, we will be able to retire in comfort in another decade or so.

    Bookmark   December 15, 2011 at 1:04PM
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