Found out the ex is getting remarried...

kframe19June 24, 2004

Ugh.

Been a long time since we split, but it still feels a little painful, and I'm doing a little "reliving."

Is that normal?

It seems like I should be well past this by now...

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Tinmantu

It all depends on why you split in the first place kframe...it's been 9 years for me....my ex was having an affair and was a compulsive spender....she lived with the guy for 6 or so years then they married...I considered sending a thank you card to the guy myself

    Bookmark   June 24, 2004 at 9:49PM
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Tinmantu

To elaborate even more, I believe the worst thing that we can do is dwell on the past....Yes, I can look back and think of the good times....and there were many in the early years...but what one has to do when they are recalling the good times is to think about the bad times that brought about the separation.

The bottom line is to not dwell, look at it as a learning experience in life and move on in a positive manner... Nothing good comes of wondering what "coulda/shoulda been"....I had those feelings of angst for the first 6 months of separation, but I got over it.

As long as you haven't been asked to be the best man in the wedding, move on and find someone that makes you happy.

    Bookmark   June 24, 2004 at 10:25PM
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Retroactive

Although it's been 20+ years ago, I left my husband for cause yet I was still nostalgic and sad when he remarried three years later. I think it's normal. I guess what made me sad at the time was that he'd found someone else important at that point but I had not. Which I really didn't think was "fair" because he was the abusive one in our relationship. I guess I consoled myself by realizing she was going to have no picnic of a marriage. They're still together after 18 years and five kids but I can just imagine how hard it must be for her to live with someone like him. I'm glad it's her, not me.

So I'd say give it some time and focus on the positive things about your life and the things you enjoy. The feeling will pass!

    Bookmark   June 25, 2004 at 8:10AM
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kayjones

I offer this, not to make light of your feelings, but to give you something to smile about:

A man was speeding, so a policeman pulled him over. As the officer was getting out of his vehicle, the man sped away. The officer jumped back into his vehicle and chased after him. He was finally able to talk to the man when the speeder's car ran out of gas. The officer asked: "why did you run, man - I was only going issue you a warning ticket." The man replied: " officer, my wife ran away with a cop three years ago, and I thought you might be him, trying to bring her back!"

    Bookmark   June 25, 2004 at 12:18PM
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walksalone

Yes, its normal.

So now you compare your life to where she is and yours. Oh, and the what ifs. She is getting married, going on with life, on and on.

It seems more final than the piece of paper from the courthouse.

Would you feel different, if it was you getting married?

I remember being told by my best friend that the ex was married with one on the way 6 months after the divorce. My friend had ran into him at the shopping mall. And I have to say it hurt. I felt so disposable and easily replaced.

I can say this time as single, ten years, has been a blessing for me. I KNOW who I am. And I have been making better decisions on who should be in my life or not.

I occasionally mourn the loss of the relationship. I thought it was great. That part I will keep in memory. The reality was I know it did not work and I can see it would not, and did not work. The best outcome, is now.

For me, I have a life that would have never happened with the ex. Besides the relationship, do you see any advantages of being single for this time?

Enough questions, glad to see you here, Kframe.

    Bookmark   June 25, 2004 at 8:06PM
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Tinmantu

lol Kay...I'll have to remember that one the next time I get pulled over.....and as has been stressed, kframe, it is normal to have these feelings....I am a bit more hardened person I guess so I come off cold sometimes when exes are brought up....some remanence of the good old days, some look at reality and realize what a fool they were and are happy to be done with it. How one views the new people they meet is critical

    Bookmark   June 25, 2004 at 9:43PM
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kayjones

Too much Absolute, Michael??? LOL!

    Bookmark   June 26, 2004 at 8:58AM
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linda_intennessee

it hurts if you divorce them /or if they divorce you
good times and bad times in a marriage.....I know i have had my share.
i finally found a jewel of a guy....can't say it was easy or not, but I asked God to send him to me. and I was very picky.
I said God, he must be sensual, love to laugh have lots of understanding, respect both me and himself,be patient, and last but not least he must be drug free....and God that is a lot to ask for, but if you can't find him for me..I don't want anyone......2 months later he put Larry in my life.
You need to ask for you you need..
my childrens father, after 18 years of marriage to me, married after 2 months...after the divorce.
the next husband abused and tortured me and my kids. I trrried to commit him, but because he was deaf, I couldn't. the morning he woke me up at 4 am and told me that God told him to cut the evil out of me, is the day I went to a lawyer to get a divorce. this man was sick, and I thought I could help him....and to think I put up with 14 years of this !!!
opps, got carried away here....
but be good to yourselves, and know things happen for a reason
linda in Tennessee

    Bookmark   June 26, 2004 at 2:17PM
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