Dropped the L-Bomb
Bf dropped it this weekend I followed suit. The discussion that ensued was very confusing and now I really wish weÂd never said it Â
Short Story/Quick Read:
Though I believed that affirmation of love should not directly mandate consideration of marriage/cohabitation, I find myself wanting (at least) a focused future. He is uncertain of when/if he will be ready to move from a steady relationship to a higher commitment. Time is not on our side Â and IÂm worried that he will soon realized that IÂm no spring chicken and that all the love in the world wonÂt give him the life he dreams of (marriage & children Â but not for 2-3 yrs from now).
Long Story/Need A While to Sit & Stare:
HeÂs a big "communicator", mostly impromptu, so I try not to weigh it too seriously. Anyway, after we exchange The Words, he started talking about his expectations Â. He does not anticipate any change/bolster in our relationship, not imagining marriage or a family for several years (though he wants both, someday). He mentioned that he often wonders what he might sacrifice by being involved in ANY steady relationship at his age. But he then follows by saying that he has no desire to end our relationship - that this is just something he has thought about. He is having trouble embracing our relationship, recognizing it is very different than his previous involvements: in his words Â ours is one with true caring, emotional depth and positive influences, where the others were short term, unhealthy, based on infatuation (physical attraction, emotional drama).
Trying to digest his comments has left me stymied. IÂm definitely at an uncertain point in my life Â with several options. I would love to fulfill my fantasy of settling down with a Good Guy and start planning a family or agreeing to be DINKs. But, IÂm back in school (pursing another fantasy Â a medical career) "just in case" IÂm forced to live for my job. IÂd like to keep working toward the first one, but IÂm really scared that I shouldnÂt be doing it with the current bf. IÂm so scared that weÂll never get There because I canÂt give him the life that I think heÂll want Â that is, by the time heÂs ready to start a family, IÂll be too old (mid 40Âs). And I think heÂll start realizing this too within the next couple years.
I donÂt know where this relationship is headed, and I hate that IÂve dropped the L-Bomb with so much doubt of our future. I havenÂt said or heard "I Love You" in soooo many years and now that I have, I feel sort of disappointed. That little word has confused me so much that IÂm ready to call it quits. Not because the challenge is over, but because the chance for pain has just amplified Â.. why, oh why, did I see this (compassionate, naive, spiritual, handsome, unsettled) young guy a second time?
So, I guess my question is Â. if you were in this situation, would you start constructing an emotional wall in anticipation of ending the relationship? Or would you maintain, let nature take itÂs course, without worry of what the other person might feel in the future?