Good Things about being Single

terreneJune 10, 2006

Hi All! I am a new poster to Gardenweb, a bona fide gardening addict who is also a single parent of an almost teenager, and kind of stumbled on this forum as I was poking around.

Does anybody else actually LIKE being single?? Or some aspects about being single? Not that I wouldn't mind having a lover and companion to do things with sometimes, but I think there are many positive things about being single and would love to explore them on a thread.

I am an very independent sort of person, who loves solitude, and thoroughly enjoys my own company. I am very social and like being with people, too, but I also like being alone, and rarely feel lonely.

I like being the captain of my ship. I especially like controlling my own finances, and knowing that I am not financially dependent on anyone else.

And I think there can be tremendous spiritual benefits derived from periods of time in a person's life when they are alone. These times can afford the opportunity for great spiritual growth - perhaps greater than when someone is coupled with another person, and thereby distracted by that other person.

Perhaps this is because when a person goes through hard times in their lives alone, they must reach deep inside themselves to do the soul-searching required to make difficult adjustments.

I am not meaning to imply that being single is better than being married, put down wanting to find a partner, etc. It just seems that society is geared towards people being in couples, and there is this pervasive sentiment that if you are single, there must be something wrong with you.

What do you all think?

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terrene

Oopppss...I just saw the thread below - "What are the best things about being single" - sorry if this one is redundant!

I will go read that one now!

    Bookmark   June 10, 2006 at 10:34AM
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bogi

Terrene,

Yikes...you read my mind. I share your sentiments to the "T". I, too, enjoy my serenity and sanctuary. Pondering is so good for the soul, not to mention problem solving. I have lots of good friends...but cherish my own time with the nature that surrounds me with it's sight and sounds. You strike me as a person that would understand wanting to share with you. Enjoy your peace, and don't feel guilty. Someone just like you may enter your life one day.

Regards.

    Bookmark   June 10, 2006 at 4:27PM
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terrene

Hi bogi - it's nice to make contact, even on an internet message board, to other like-minded folks out there in the world. I am really enjoying the garden forums on this website.

There don't seem to be many people who enjoy being single - they might enjoy it for a time, but it seems the goal of finding a partner/spouse is paramount, always there in the back of their minds. Being with a special someone is always "better" somehow.

This need to be with someone and avoid being alone drives people to engage in relationships and melodrama that ends up wreaking havoc in their lives (BTDT). So many people seem to be sub-conciously knee-jerking their way through relationships, responding to needs they don't even define. Spending time alone, especially between relationships, allows a person to get to know themselves better.

It's not that easy to find someone who is truly compatible, but at this point I wouldn't settle for less. I would love to find a male companion who values independence as I do - you could call it a "co-independent" relationship.

But in the meantime, and if it never happens, it's okay. I don't think being single is second-best, just different! It's hard to explain.

Cheers!

    Bookmark   June 11, 2006 at 12:48PM
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bunnyman

Hi Gals!

I think one of the better things about being single is not having anyone around. I don't do it to be selfish but it is so easy to make all my own decisions. Everything from when to get out of bed in the morning to where my money should be spent. All without attempting to explain to anyone why! Almost like being a free adult human being. I've been back stabbed by family, friends, and co-workers enough to enjoy being alone probably for the rest of my life. People get pretty hateful when you don't hold the opinion you have been told to hold. So it is that free thinkers have always had to live in caves or on mountain tops. To live with my eyes open until they see no more.

: )
michael

    Bookmark   June 18, 2006 at 11:42AM
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gabrielesgarden

I agree with you all. I've been single for 8 years after a 17 year marriage which ended like most others, horribly. I'm not sure I am compatible with anyone now. The longer i'm on my own the harder it gets, the more set in my ways I get. Sometimes I wonder if this is how it will be for ever or if I am capable of sharing my life with someone again. In the meantime I enjoy my life and myself and my freedom. :-)

    Bookmark   June 21, 2006 at 6:58PM
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zzepherdogg

I dont think being single would have ever have been my goal, and I would love to have that special some one in my life, but... I have really learned to know myself, I have learned to be greatfull for the simple joys of peace and tranquility, and all the little beautifull things in life that I didnt notice when I was living in "Stife-ville". I really appreciate when things go smoothly, which is most of the time:)

    Bookmark   June 22, 2006 at 11:28AM
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haunted_lady

I'm with you on this, terrene. I think one does learn a lot about oneself when alone. I also enjoy my solitude, independence, financial freedom, etc. It would be nice sometimes to have someone to share with but I have always refused to settle for someone just to have the wedding and the ring and the Mrs. in front of my name. It would be foolish, dishonest and hurtful to do that. I've never been married but had a couple close calls. My motivation was suspect in my own eyes and I backed off. It's possible that circumstances could change in the future but not likely at my age.

    Bookmark   June 24, 2006 at 11:40PM
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kayjones

I found this on a singles forum and thought I would post it for your thoughts:

10 Best Things About Being Single

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Singles often feel left out in our couple-driven society. Whenever you're tempted to feel down because of your singularity, remember these reasons why flying solo can be the best way to go:

1. You can make last-minute plans with your friends and stay out all night if you want.

2. You can lie on both sides of your bed and have all the covers to yourself.

3. You can flirt with the opposite sex without someone saying, " Who are you looking at? "

4. You can make your own decisions.

5. You don't have to remember your significant other's birthday or anniversary.

6. You have no one to clean up after.

7. You can leave the toilet seat permanently up if you're a man, or permanently down if you're a woman.

8. You can make a list of things you always wanted to do...and actually do them.

9. You can listen to your favorite radio station in the car.

  1. You can actually hold on to the remote control.
    Bookmark   October 27, 2007 at 8:01PM
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gneegirl

Great reasons to stay single!!

HOWEVER, I think having a "traveling" companion every once in a while is good too.

I remember the hype about wanting to be with someone, to play house and make a home and take care of someone, etc,. What happened to those days? Not sure I want to find them though. It would be difficult to have to share the bed everynight with someone besides ME, and the have to get up to fix them breakfast too - Oh no! Besides I don't think I remember how. Funny, it used to come naturally...

Hi everyone!!

gng

    Bookmark   October 28, 2007 at 12:00AM
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kayjones

Knee, that's where I am at this time in my life - I don't remember how to cook, like only doing laundry once a week, like cleaning my house when I feel like it - I don't know if I could be a good mate to anyone full time!

    Bookmark   October 28, 2007 at 6:04PM
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Tinmantu

I like to cook, just slow at the cleanup....Having a KCStrip and saute some shrimp in olive oil and a baked potato and broccoli and cheese. I did get my laundry done for the week earlier today....since I'm single, I'll just dress out of the dryer all week. :)

    Bookmark   October 28, 2007 at 8:10PM
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Tinmantu

btw I did notice how you kept a close watch on your remote when I came to visit you the one time Jo....heh

    Bookmark   October 28, 2007 at 8:13PM
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junkyardgirl

You know, I get lonely for male companionship sometimes, but honestly, I don't want to take care of anyone again. I don't want to have to plan meals, or wash dirty underwear ever again. I like being alone. I especially like getting to spend my time any way I like, and eat whatever and whenever I like, and not have to clean up after anyone else. I don't have to keep my house perfect, or run anyone's errands on my days off. I can talk to men online without anyone accusing me of cheating on them. Sometimes, other than work, I don't leave my house for weeks at a time, and it's nice not to have to.

Most of all, I like not having to socialize with friends of someone who I don't especially like or downright dislike.

Aside from the financial setbacks, I really love living alone, and don't think I'll ever live with a man again.

    Bookmark   December 3, 2007 at 8:14PM
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kayjones

I agree, JYG - I don't intend to live with anyone again, either, although I love keeping house for my man. I just want to find a man who enjoys getting together whenever we mutually agree to do so - I want a very bestest friend!

    Bookmark   December 3, 2007 at 8:54PM
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Tinmantu

Hi junkyardgirl, welcome since I have been away and hadn't seen your posts before...If I weren't single, I'm sure that someone would be complaining about how I am sipping a beer, surfing the internet and watching Monday Night Football all at the same time...I like my way of life....I call this multi-tasking.

    Bookmark   December 3, 2007 at 8:56PM
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pris

I second the motion, junkyardgirl. Love to visit. Wouldn't want to live there.

    Bookmark   December 4, 2007 at 12:35PM
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centralcacyclist

I look forward to sharing my life, my home, my bed, my meals with the right man eventually. I didn't get it right the first time and I still desire a kind, connected, loving, accepting, giving, emotionally and physically intimate relationship. I took care of my ex and don't regret or begrudge that experience in anyway and I'd do that again for someone new, the right someone new. I still believe in love! That I have it to give in abundance and that I'm lovable.

In my opinion creating positive, healthy relationships with others is one of the most important tasks I have as a human being.

    Bookmark   December 4, 2007 at 5:04PM
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gneegirl

I'm with you barnmom. But I really wonder if I want to do all of that as a wife or live in companion. Unfortunately I've been single just long enough to think twice about sharing my bed. I really mean that too. I thought about it one day and a cold shudder came over me. There are times when I think it would be great but EVERY night - not sure. When I was married, my DH wasn't home much at night - OTR Truck Driver (actually owner-operator) so I didn't have that problem much then. I would love to see it happen though - share lives with someone special. For now though, I think a true "bestest" friend (as K-J calls it) would be wonderful - the best of both worlds.

Michael - I might have a similar problem. That's what I was doing Monday night too! What a great game!! I was also writing Christmas cards too.

gng.

    Bookmark   December 4, 2007 at 10:53PM
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kayjones

I have a friend who has been widowed for 40 years. This lady is SO HAPPY it makes you wonder what she smokes! She has had the same boyfriend for 35 years, lives alone and sees him when she feels like it. They might as well be married, but they choose to live in their own space, do their own thing and hang out together whenever the mood strikes - I think that's what I want if I ever find the right guy.

    Bookmark   December 5, 2007 at 11:10AM
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gneegirl

Totally agree!!

    Bookmark   December 6, 2007 at 12:38AM
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kayjones

I have thought of a number of good things about being single, but I can also think of a few reasons I'd like have a good man in my life. This morning is a perfect example of one good reason - it's too icy to get outdoors, and I am stuck in the house. I know there are better things to do, than play on this computer, if I had a S.O. - we could be playing a game or some such activity!

    Bookmark   December 9, 2007 at 10:40AM
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Gerry1117

OK, this is where the smiley face gets inserted - I just don't know how to do it! :-)

    Bookmark   December 9, 2007 at 1:07PM
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    Bookmark   December 9, 2007 at 1:51PM
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kayjones

Oops - let's try again (this can also be the 'Oops, I goofed' thread!).

    Bookmark   December 9, 2007 at 1:54PM
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kayjones

OK, here's how to post a gif or an image in a forum:

Find the image on the web. Right-click on the image and select 'properties'. Highlight the address and choose 'copy', then click on 'cancel'.

Go to the forum in which you want to paste the image, go to the message box and type your message.

When your message is typed, skip down a line or two and type:

Now hit preview. It will show up in the preview pane if you did it correctly. It MUST have a space between 'img and src'.

There must be NO SPACE between 'src and the = sign. Let's see you do it now. Post any questions here, we will answer them, and then YOU can post images, too!

BTW, Michael is a computer BRAINIAC!

    Bookmark   December 9, 2007 at 2:02PM
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Tinmantu

Brainiac?

    Bookmark   December 9, 2007 at 2:24PM
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kayjones

MHO!

Here is a link that might be useful: dictionary

    Bookmark   December 9, 2007 at 2:36PM
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Tinmantu

I just like gadgets....another hobby that I probably couldn't pursue if I weren't single. My latest adventure has been adding a TV card and software so that I turned my computer into a virtual TIVO. I record shows, use the software to strip the commercials and save to a portable hard drive, plug the drive into my dvd player with a usb port and watch it on my big screen tv....instead of a brainiac, geek would be more apt IMO. The Planet Earth series on Discovery inspired me to do this...awesome shows, if anyone ever gets the chance to see them.

    Bookmark   December 9, 2007 at 2:54PM
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kayjones

OK, I will let you be a geek.

    Bookmark   December 9, 2007 at 5:11PM
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Cynic

tinmantu, you mean you don't have a bag of beef jerky or a sandwich next to that beer, computer and football game? Now and then make a phone call at the same time. Now THERE'S multi-tasking! ;)

Somehow I was thinking about this very topic just the other day. There's certainly advantages to being single, as are there disadvantages. And when people would ask why I never married, I got sick of hearing it so I came up with the answer because 100% of all divorces started out with marriage! It shuts them up. And if I know they've been divorced, especially more than once I'll occasionally throw in that I can't afford a divorce and my religious beliefs require "till death do us part..." That really puts a cork in the religious ones! A few other lines when appropriate too!

I definitely enjoy solitude. Time to think great thoughts, solve the world's problems and come up with some great jokes. Then again, there's nobody handy to tell the jokes to and the cats don't appreciate my sense of humor! There's times I'd enjoy a board game or game of cards with some intelligent conversation with someone other than myself or now the cats. But there's the reverse too. Yes, there's nobody to split the chores, but then there's the other advantages you've pointed out before. If I can't sleep and want to get up and wander around, have the TV on, etc, it's no problem. But I will say, it would be nice to have someone make a bowl of soup when I'm not feeling well...

I know I have my quirks as does everyone, and laundry is one of them. When I lived with a gal, she washed her own clothes and I washed mine. I didn't want anyone doing mine and I didn't want to do anyone elses!

BTW, one of the other advantages, toilet seat notwithstanding, is that the toilet paper is ALWAYS put on the right direction!

I know people who feel they HAVE to be married. Some, or most of them I feel sorry for. Either must have someone take care of them or have someone to take care of. Can't be a mutual thing. Hope I never feel that way and feel fortunate I never have felt that way. Course it makes me the oddball in most social circles.

Everyone's life could be better in other ways. But then again, they could all be worse too.

    Bookmark   December 15, 2007 at 12:11AM
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eclair

There's absolutely nothing good about being single.

    Bookmark   December 15, 2007 at 8:12AM
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pris

Cynic---TP PUT ON in the right direction!!! Married twice and narry a one put the toilet paper on the roll, much less in the wrong direction.

    Bookmark   December 15, 2007 at 8:41AM
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kayjones

LOL Pris!

I can't tell you how many times I have gotten up to use the toilet in the middle of the night and 'fell' into the toilet because he didn't put the lid down! It is laughable, for sure - shoulda remembered to turn on the light, huh?!

    Bookmark   December 15, 2007 at 9:50AM
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Tinmantu

Hi cynic, welcom....nah, I don't have the beef jerky...beer is food....as far as the phone, I don't answer it during a football game. I won't touch the TP part because Pris must have been reading my mail.
Jo, I grew up in the country with a septic tank....snakes would get in there sometimes...My sister can vouch for always checking before you sit down...trust me.

    Bookmark   December 15, 2007 at 11:52PM
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kayjones

From birth to age 10, I used an outhouse, so I know about the 'checking' before sitting down part, but with these modern contraptions, I've let my guard down!

    Bookmark   December 16, 2007 at 8:20AM
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pris

KJ - I can't imagine any self respecting snake getting into a septic tank much less in the outhouse depository part. But, if that is a possibility, I'm glad you let me know as I have a septic tank now. My grandparents had a farm w/outhouse when I was a kid. You'd think that would have been something they would have mentioned at the time. I know the septic tank itself is sealed pretty much. It has a lid you can remove to pump it out. I quess they can get in through the perforated pipe in the drain field. Don't really know but you can bet I'll check from now on.

The funniest thing I ever saw in the bathroom was my mother standing on the toilet with her long gown pulled up to her knees screaming bloody murder. My dad & I ran in and gently removed the raccoon from the house. It came in through the kitchen door to the garage. Someone left the door from the backyard to the garage and the door into the kitchen open. You can bet she checked that every night before going to bed.

    Bookmark   December 17, 2007 at 10:36AM
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kayjones

Pris, I had brothers, and they told my younger sister and I that there were 'animals' that lived in the outhouse, under the seat! I am sure, NOW, that wasn't true, but being the age we were, we believed them. We are the same girls who the brothers conned into sticking our tongue on the pump spout!

    Bookmark   December 17, 2007 at 1:17PM
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pris

KJ - I think we share at least one brother. If yours doesn't live close by, I'll loan you mine. He still behaves like that. He's made it his lifes work to torment me. Never had my tongue stuck to the pump but I lost count of the times he jerked the chair away as I was about to sit down. Slow learner. I finally learned how to avoid that one but the teasing and taunting go on to this day. (I, of course, was totally innocent in all this) He and his buddies used to go to the canal to skinny dip when we were kids. I would round up my GF's and follow them. We would climb up the embankment and peek over the edge. They finally caught us did I ever get a thrashing when he told mother.

Actually, there are "animals" in the outhouse. Well, maybe bugs. Not much difference.. Most animals will try to avoid you but a bug just loves to torment. And in the wintertime animals will try to find shelter from the cold if they can. That's when you watch out for skunks.

    Bookmark   December 17, 2007 at 3:09PM
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