Married folks

joulesR4meMay 16, 2005

Okay --- just gotta vent and hope that someone here will put me in my place ...I'm just sick-n-tired of the married guys hitting on me & my friends. With me, it doesn't go far --- I just pretend that they MUST be kidding. I have no interest in a relationship with a single guy at this moment - let alone a leach. But, two of my close friends are both involved with married guys and two other friends are constantly being *tempted*. Friend L: has been swooning with guy for three years --- he says he's unhappy - never sees his wife because of her extensive travel and wants out. Yea, that's between their vacations together and purchasing a house. Why does she contininue to believe he has any intention of leaving??? Friend J: has been dating married guy for two & a half years. He's been telling her that he's waiting for this insurance thing or that estate thing ever since. She's constantly giving him the "ultimatim". Lasts about two days. Other friend has been pining with married guy for about 5 years (they're both married - but would never leave or hurt their spouses). For years I've been going along with the stories --- never showing any disaproval, etc. Heck, I was unhappily married and might have done something questionable --- but I didn't, I left the marriage. It WAS NOT easy - I had nothing - but at least my self-esteem and a few rules. But what's really getting my goat right now is the constant cries "oh, he's such a great guy". What???? They each do seem great - handsome, social, educated, etc. But there's one hitch --- hey girls, he's married!!!!! This is a big character flaw - married and willing to have a long (or short) term affair. I don't think I can hold back any longer and am afraid I will loose these friends with my impending outburst ... I know this post is a mess - and I should delete it, but my membership is nearing it's end and I just gotta get this off my chest. Maybe it'll help keep my lips smiling for a few more weeks. I'm probably good for a few more "I know honey - it'll be okay. He is really a great guy and his wife is crazy. Some day you two will make such a great couple."

Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Boy Joules, that really sucks. I should count my blessings that none of my friends are in that situation. I have been on the other side of the fence. (twice actually)I was the significant other during an affair. It really hurt when I finally found out. When I was married, or otherwise in a relationship, I would never have actually gone out looking to cheat. Yes, I have flirted around, but they all knew it was just me being silly. I will admit, I have cheated once, 15 years ago and,although this does not absolve me of the wrongness of it, it was after I had found out that my wife had cheated on me twice, in our own home and bed, while I was working 2 jobs, trying to keep up with all of the bills. I have never done it after that, and have no intention of ever doing it again. I firmly believe that if they cheat once, they will do it again. (okay, call me a Hypocrite) I know, that is why I left my wife after the 5th or 6th time she cheated on me.
To put it bluntly these are not friends worth having if they can't accept a "duh!!, what are you thinking?"
On a side note, maybe these gals just need to meet a powertoolgeek, who is single, to be able to move on and leave the married guys alone with their wives. ;p


    Bookmark   May 17, 2005 at 8:29AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Nothing makes a man more attractive then already having a woman on his arm.

    Bookmark   May 18, 2005 at 2:36AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

How'z it goin', joules?

I'm with Mike as far as what to say:

they aren't getting it on their own, & you're not telling them any different.

sounds like it may be time for "duh, what are you thinking?"

We women are incredibly ready, even eager, to believe anything wonderful our beloved tells us.
Even if it don't make no sense.
Even if we wouldn't believe it from anybody else in the universe.

Who knows why? Maybe some perverse little joke nature plays on us (Mother Nature really *does* have a twisted sense of humor), maybe to make us stay close to some big male no matter what, so that our offspring have his protection.
Who knows?

But I do know that your friends aren't the only girls/women who've gotten into this kind of mire & had someone make fools of them.

Best luck, &, whatever happens, I hope you find words to reach them & strength to help them.


    Bookmark   August 12, 2005 at 8:42PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Having been on the receiving end of interest from married men whose wives don't want to have marital relations (gee, if their wives don't want to why should I?) or "don't understand them" I have to say I don't want someone else's cheating man! I'm not talking separated or estranged but gutless wonders who won't change anything in their lives either to fix their marriages or leave them but want to hang onto status quo (and the warm spot in their wives' beds) and still get some on the side. No thanks. I have a certain feminist loyalty going on as well. I wouldn't want it done to me.

My words to one who suggested it: "No. I will get hurt. Your daughter will be forever damaged. Your wife will get hurt. You will feel huge guilt. Once you abuse trust, it can rarely be repaired, your marriage will be ruined. It's against your religion. And I don't want a cheating man." Subtext: Stop thinking with your nether region. Also said: "If you packed and walked out tomorrow and ended your marriage, it will still be two years at least before you will have processed the emotional upheaval, had a fling or two and be ready for me."

Further more: It's just wrong.

    Bookmark   August 13, 2005 at 8:33PM
Sign Up to comment
More Discussions
Oh my I am so bored
I settled the problem with my home owners association,...
Survey: Do you really enjoy 'dating?'
I have done it a lot, and frankly I'm finding out that...
women dress for women - but men???
I've heard/read much said about "women dress to...
Good Morning Everyone
It is such a beautiful day here in Kansas and I feel...
What do you for entertainment
I was curious about what the rest of you do when you...
People viewed this after searching for:
© 2015 Houzz Inc. Houzz® The new way to design your home™