Is this still a friendship?
Last week I arranged with my coworker/ friend to pick me up from my mechanic this Wednesday; IÂd call him from the mechanic and tell him where to meet me. On Monday he asked if I was still doing the mechanic thing on Wednesday; I said yes. Today, Wednesday, I call to tell him where to meet me and heÂs not at his desk. I call 4 more times in 45 minutes Â no answer. I take a taxi to work (arriving 40 minutes late). Ten minutes after I get in, here comes coworker saying he forgot about our arrangement, he left home late because he was debating on whether to go to an old school friendÂs funeral Â it was an friend he hadnÂt seen since elementary school and heÂd seen an announcement in the Sunday paperÂhe got my messages but he didnÂt know where to meet me (I left messages saying IÂd call him again: I knew he needed directions from me but after the last call IÂd opted for a taxi).
We all have our demons. Coworker turned 41 two weeks ago and I heard from his wife that he seems depressed about it. So a peersÂ death may have thrown him. But one of my demons is that I canÂt seem to find reliable friends Â friends who eagerly do stuff for ME. I am the supportive cheerleader for my friends and I cannot seem to get that in return and I WANT that.
I donÂt think I have a real friendship here. I donÂt think a friend forgets about doing a favor for you. Someone told me ÂthatÂs just the way men areÂ. Another woman said her husband told her sheÂd better put it (whatever it is heÂs Âspose to remember) in front of his face every day or he will forget to do it. I wonder what kind of mate is that?! ItÂs the little rememberances that make coupledom special, isnÂt it? I canÂt imagine feeling warm and fuzzy about a man who nonchalantly forgets to pick me up from someplace. Especially if IÂm cooking his meals, washing his clothes, cleaning his house, and taking care of his kids!
Thing is, having friends *forget* about me has happened before and each time, because of the way I feel, the friendship fades to nothing. I feel very cold toward coworker now.
Is it still a friendship when someone disappoints you like this? Do you see this as a minor infraction? Have I been single so long that I've lost understanding of the nuances of relationships between people?