Would you date one of your exes again?

Toni_KYApril 18, 2003

Maybe it's because I'm divorcing my DH, but I have been thinking about an old BF of mine alot lately.

I'm completely okay with the divorce. DH & I were married just short of a year when we decided to split. We did try marriage counseling, but frankly we never should've married in the first place.

Ever since DH & I split up, I've had dreams about BF and haven't been able to keep him out of my mind. (The dreams could be about anything and BF just 'shows up' in them.)

BF & I began dating when I was a Sr in high school and were together on-and-off for over 10 years. He was my first love, my first "you-know-what" and my first serious BF. I'm VERY tempted to call him, but haven't so far. It's been about 4-5 years since I saw him last. He could be married, have a girlfriend, have kids, etc. for all I know.

Should I pursue this or should I chalk it up to longing for nostalgia/being on the 'rebound' and just enjoy the memories?

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coco3

You know they always seem better when you don't have them. I have day dreams about those old BF's as well but no perfectly well that I REALLY don't want them.But Hey it's fun and isn't hurting anyone. The good ones always get away it seems. Time dims their faults. LOL

    Bookmark   April 18, 2003 at 9:52PM
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jessiecarole

I would get in touch and be ready to back off if he is married or involved or just not interested. If you are feeling fragile after your recent breakup then you might be really hurt if getting back in touch is not all you hoped for. If it was a healthy relationship and you feel strong enough to risk rejection, why not?

My most serious ex I talk to every few years. It is fun to catch up, but I always hang up glad that I moved on.

jc

    Bookmark   April 19, 2003 at 3:27PM
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Daisyduckworth

When I was 16, I dated a guy of 28. My mother freaked out, but he had a quiet word with her and she accepted the situation - I was a very innocent and naive, and he was prepared to wait until I'd dated other guys and grown up a little, for however long it took. He never took advantage of my innocence in any way. I did not know about that conversation with my mother until she told me about it 30-odd years later. At 17 I left home to live far away, met another guy and announced our engagement. Brought my fiance home, and even invited the older guy to meet him (I cringe to think about that!). Poor guy broke down, begged me not to go ahead with the marriage. My mother went into a spin. I married the second guy, what a disaster it was!

The older guy went into mourning, ended up moving overseas, but came back after a few years and still visited my mother, to find out about me. I knew nothing of this for many years. He never married. I never forgave my mother for not telling me this guy's true feelings for me. If I could find him now, and assuming he still wanted me, I'd marry him without hesitation. If I knew where to start, I'd look for him right now.

I think we all have 'the one we should have married' somewhere in our lives, and a lot of regret for making the wrong choice.

    Bookmark   April 19, 2003 at 4:41PM
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teri2

In general, I think I would. You never know how it might work out now that the circumstances are different. But, in your particular case, Toni, why don't you wait a while? Anything you do right now will strongly influenced by your reaction to the divorce. And that's not really fair to the ex. Give yourself a year or so to get rid of any emotional "baggage".

Teri

    Bookmark   April 19, 2003 at 8:37PM
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darkeyedgirl

I've done it, and the problem is, if there is a reason you split up (lots of fighting, personality differences, anger problems, etc.) then those problems are still there. You romanticize that person and miss the good things, and over time, you forget all the bad things. This is dangerous, I think.

Friendship (distant) is possible but not getting back together in a love relationship.

- darkeyedgirl

    Bookmark   April 21, 2003 at 9:38AM
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itsmesuzq

I met my first "love" twenty years later for dinner. I was blown away at how immature he was; I couldn't believe that he had not moved forward....he was just as I left him. Selfish, out for one thing only, "me, me, me"......

I was so happy that I actually allowed myself to meet him for dinner....I would have never known how very lucky I was for not marrying him!!

    Bookmark   April 21, 2003 at 7:14PM
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lulie___wayne

I only had one ex that I dated for a long period of time. He was a very nice guy and treated me like a queen, but when I met my husband to be, I was sooooooo happy that I didn't marry the other guy. I never did know what passionate love was until I met my husband.
I know someone very well who dated his ex thinking that that he would feel young again to live in the past, and also for pure curiosity, and after a short while, his memories were jogged and he remembered why their relationship didn't work out the first time. Duhhhhhhhh. The woman was dumped for a second time, and it wasn't a nice situation for her. The guy was married, and she kept hoping and thinking that he would leave his wife. Wrong! He never ever intended to, not even in the beginning. More hurt for her. Basically, she was used.
Lu

    Bookmark   April 25, 2003 at 5:20PM
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civilmind

Chances are he won't be the way you remmeber him. I think about my high school boyfriend and sometimes wonder what he's up to, if he's still married, etc. I haven't seen him in almost 20 years, and I think I'll keep it that way.

But, you never know really what's going to happen. Rather than calling him out of the blue, you might want to do some detective work and see if he's available or not. I actually did that with my elementary school boyfriend before my 20 year HS reunion. He was married, of course. All the good ones are!

    Bookmark   May 2, 2003 at 10:59AM
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lulie___wayne

Yes, I definitely think that you should do some checking first to see if he is married or what. I'm sorry that I didn't answer that question earlier. I doubt too, if he is the same person. It doesn't take people long to change and like they say, "you can't go home again". It's just not the same.
Lu

    Bookmark   May 3, 2003 at 1:10PM
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britbritmay

HELL NO!

    Bookmark   June 17, 2003 at 6:09PM
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